Explaining Care Home admission for respite care

Janjorie

Registered User
Feb 2, 2014
4
Hertfordshire
Hello

My 92 year old mother has had a sudden worsening of her dementia following a recent infection (off all medication now). She resents the Enablement Team workers coming in twice a day, thinking she is entirely capable of looking after herself. My brother lives with her and over the last 4 weeks, since she has been ill, I have stayed there too.

Mum is now experiencing delusions and auditory hallucinations. Part of this means she can call out up to 5 times a night, often just for reassurance, but although she was able to independently use her commode in the night, she is now unable to do so and so calls out for help with this too.

Social Services visited today and we are in the process of arranging respite care - there is a bed available next Monday.

Please, has anyone any advice on how/when to explain this to mum. She has always been a very strong minded and independent lady. We know her immediate reaction will be a big, fat "No." She is unable to understand that she needs any help at all, or that we are finding it difficult and exhausting to care for her. Mum has not ventured outside the house for over a year now so the very thought of leaving home is going to be distressing.

She quickly forgot about the Social Worker's visit this morning. Tomorrow morning a representative from the Care Home will come to assess. Do we "come clean" that this lady is from a Care Home, which will anger her and cause distress, or keep it quiet? Is there any way to prevent a showdown on the day she is admitted for respite? I can well imagine her simply refusing to go.

My brother and I would be very grateful for any advice from anyone who has survived a similar situation.

Many thanks

Janet
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
North East
I think the advice I've read previously on here is to not tell her til she is actually going. Tell her things she is likely to believe such as the house needs some work so she has to go somewhere while the work is done. Or the doctor has said she has to go to this place so they can monitor her and check she is ok.

The problem with "telling the truth" is that bottom line, if she refuses to go the only thing that will make her go is a mental health section. This is not the way forward with where you are right now.

I really hope all goes well and ultimately she ends up having a lovely time xxx
 

Janjorie

Registered User
Feb 2, 2014
4
Hertfordshire
Thank you Suzy. I'm really hoping she enjoys her "holiday" when/if she gets there. The GP wanted her to be admitted to an Intermediate Care Unit when she had the infection but, ill as she was, she said "no, no, no, no, no!" She has now, of course, forgotten being unwell but hopefully I can use this as a reason for her to need convalescence.

Thanks for your reply
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,008
Scotland
Would she take a sedative on the day so she will resist less to the move? Can you set up a scenario eg that pain Mum in your (fill in the blanks) is going to be helped with a few days in this lovely place. These people will help and we will be here every day.
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Hello

My 92 year old mother has had a sudden worsening of her dementia following a recent infection (off all medication now). She resents the Enablement Team workers coming in twice a day, thinking she is entirely capable of looking after herself. My brother lives with her and over the last 4 weeks, since she has been ill, I have stayed there too.

Mum is now experiencing delusions and auditory hallucinations. Part of this means she can call out up to 5 times a night, often just for reassurance, but although she was able to independently use her commode in the night, she is now unable to do so and so calls out for help with this too.

Social Services visited today and we are in the process of arranging respite care - there is a bed available next Monday.

Please, has anyone any advice on how/when to explain this to mum. She has always been a very strong minded and independent lady. We know her immediate reaction will be a big, fat "No." She is unable to understand that she needs any help at all, or that we are finding it difficult and exhausting to care for her. Mum has not ventured outside the house for over a year now so the very thought of leaving home is going to be distressing.

She quickly forgot about the Social Worker's visit this morning. Tomorrow morning a representative from the Care Home will come to assess. Do we "come clean" that this lady is from a Care Home, which will anger her and cause distress, or keep it quiet? Is there any way to prevent a showdown on the day she is admitted for respite? I can well imagine her simply refusing to go.

My brother and I would be very grateful for any advice from anyone who has survived a similar situation.

Many thanks

Janet
Hi Janet went through similar with dad who had his first respite the other week when social worker told him he agreed but after she had gone he started to get really mithered he had forgotten the conversation a few hours later so I did not mention it to him again until the morning that he was going I managed to pack his clothes without him questioning it we stayed with him for an hour or so.. When I called later he was fine.. I worried myself for nothing for the week he was away
Hope this helps xx