1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Hi Folks,

    Haven't been posting much as I basically fell apart a week or so ago.

    The physical, emotional and mental exhaustion of 24/7 care for mum just got too much. Luckily I was able to organise a week's respite for her immediately.
    (This was done by myself with no help from any bloody services, I basically begged the residential home close by to take her, and I go down twice a day to see to her medications and nursing needs. It's awful that this is the only way it can be done, but I'm happy to go along with it because mum is so happy there and is very stimulated by the company)

    To anyone out there who is feeling the same I would urge you to recharge your batteries if you can arrange it. I am ready now to carry on again and looking forward to having her back. We carers have to remember we are not robots, there comes a time when we will collapse too. This is the second time this year for me, but at least I knew the "burnout" signs, thanks to the selfish pig's guide! I very good book, thanks Jude for the recommendation.
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hello Magic

    Great to see you posting again.

    Sorry for the problems that being such a carer has presented you, but you are being incredibly strong and at the same time level-headed, at a time when that must be really difficult.

    I agree totally that we need to keep ourselves in one piece, even if it means subcontracting some of the active minute-by-minute caring for a time. Well done you for getting that done, as often happens, without the help of those who are paid to help you do that.

    I'm very glad you're back with us!
     
  3. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Thanks Brucie. You're a rock. I appreciate all the support you always give.
     
  4. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Magic
    good to see you back.
    It showed great initiative to do what you did,scandalous that you had to act yourself without help,wish we could kick the whole system into touch and reorganise it.
    Norman
     
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Dear Magic, sorry to hear things have been tough. You are very wise to have got help, and it is good to hear your Mum is so happy there. Taking time out is a way of continuing to care, it will definately recharge your batteries and help you carry on with the wonderful job you are doing. Do something just for you whilst you are able to, to make you feel you are special too. (This suggestion was passed to me earlier this evening by a good pal of us both!) Love She. XX
     
  6. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Magic,

    Well done for getting things organised by yourself! Hope the break has helped and that you are regaining your strength again. System overload is no fun at all. Hang in there.....

    Jude
     
  7. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Thank you guys for all your support. I knew I was coming to the edge and I wanted to post for help, but I felt like it was a failure on my part and didn't want anyone to say give up and put her in a home. It's not time for that, it may never be for me.

    I am just lucky I have this respite place to use, but as mum's dementia advances it will no longer be available to me. Her physical needs will be a problem too. The CPN is the equivalent of Frank Spencer and has been nothing but a hinderance. If they would give me her wage for doing her job I would gladly accept it!

    This system lets us carers down so badly. And we all have our hands too full to fight. They know it's a labour of love on all our behalves, it's not like we can go on strike!

    Thanks again for all your support.
     
  8. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Magic,

    Self preservation is not failure..... it's common sense. Grab as much respite time as you possibly can. You deserve it.

    Jude xx
     
  9. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear Magic, So sorry to hear of the rough time you have been going through. I feel the same as you i get fed up with people telling me i cant carry on with the level of time and care i give to mum but while i have breath in my body i will unless it was better for mums sake. Having said that i just wish i had your strengh to take the first step of respite for a break, i have made inquieries and the S/Ssaid they would put it forward but i am backpeddling already and said i will wait a little longer. Your mum is a very lucky woman to have you and i am sure she would be proud to know what a good job she did in raising such a speical person.luv storm
     
  10. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Thanks Storm. Please try to get some respite, the first time is awful, you feel so guilty and worry so much, but I found somewhere lovely and go in twice a day, what can happen?

    Sometimes we carers just have to take matters into our own hands because, quite simply, no one's interested in us, no one (including family) gives a damn as long as you are keeping it all away from their door. Sorry if I sound harsh, but this has been my experience.
     
  11. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi all, can I just reinforce what Magic is saying, you have to get it sorted yourself, whether that is requesting it from a home privately, (I did that), or getting SS help to find a place for respite, (did that too) that way I got plenty of reserve places lined up for any emergency and also vetted the homes with Mum prior to any respites. However you tackle it, it is a lifeline once you have it set up believe me. I nursed Mum at home to the end but would have cracked without the respites. Love She. XX
     
  12. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear Magic,I couldnt agree more once the novelty as wore off and they realise things only get worse they just dont give a damn, yet you wait till the inevatable happens and they will be forming a line to get in the door they just might find it locked and barred mind you they have probably forgot were we live! Oh bye the way be very careful when using super glue i somehow stuck my foot to the kitchen floor earlyier but at least i didnt starve i could still reach the goodies. storm
     
  13. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Storm, it is one of my fantasies to be stuck to the kitchen floor, but only within reach of fridge and cupboards and only after doing "the big shop".

    Stick with it Stormy Baby. You're doing well, and I agree with all you say about kith and kin. Most of them are Dick Turpins in waiting, without the mask!
     
  14. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Magic and Storm, come on, got to know, what are you singing while your stuck??! "Stuck in the middle with you, stuck on you, all Stuck up" (sorry Elvis) go for it Magic you always get these, unless Storm can pip you at the post! Either way it should cause a smile and a welcome break of fun for two very special and lovely carers who are having a tough time right now. Love to you both, She. XX
     
  15. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    She, how about "Stuck in a moment you can't get out of" U2.
     
  16. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi, now have pictures of the pair of you delving into fridge etc and getting more sticky by the minute, must be the treacle, .... or is it - honey, honey, or sugar, sugar,? Hope you both have a good day tomorrow, as Norm says, day by day, love She. XX
     
  17. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear all,how about these boots are made for sticking! Magic i can think of better fanasies than being stuck to the floor it really limits your movements.storm
     
  18. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Can think of a few others myself Storm, but that's a whole different Talking Point site!
     
  19. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Exhasted Magic

    Dear Magic. So glad you were able to organise some respite.

    I am fortunate enough to have found a super residental home, albeit some 40 miles from where we live. They have taken to Lionel, and he to the staff, so at present I am trying to take a week every three months. We have to pay the full fees, SS no help at all, but it does enable me to keep going.

    Felt guilty as hell the first time, but after that time things seemed to be better.

    Lionel realises exactly what is wrong with him, and I know he goes for my sake, but the extra stimulation seems to help him also.

    Love Connie
     
  20. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Connie I agree. Since my mum has been in respite she has been in fabulous form, singing and laughing all the time. You'd think she was a teenager again, the result is, dad and I feel good. When she's good we're good, you'll know what I mean. I have this vision of things staying like this and us all having a lovely family Christmas, we didn't have one last year as mum was in an EMI assessment unit drugged to the point of a zombie, the three of us had Xmas dinner there in an empty canteen, I shall never forget it. Harrowing is not the word! Dad and I cried over the turkey and mum just sat there slumped, staring into space unaware of anything. I stopped that drug and she is a human being again, no thanks to the consultant.

    Take the respite if you can get it Connie, you deserve it and in saying that any carer knows that it's not really a holiday. You are visiting and thinking about them all the time. We carers never really cut off from it.

    Thanks for your support.
     

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