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Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Chaucer 1931, Jan 21, 2016.

  1. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Not sure where or exactly what to post,iam caring for someone-my mum with dementia,coming up to her end of life with dementia,and now it's my turn-seeking a diagnosis and memory concerns,I have appointment come through today for memory clinic for me... I've asked to put it back for a few weeks as I'm going to be dealing with the possibility of mums funeral,I don't know who will be able to sort arrangements out for me if,I have a meltdown..
    Sorry-just needed to vent..
     
  2. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    Chaucer, I was going to say I can imagine how you must be feeling, but really I can't imagine it.
    I don't know if you have had other tests via your GP to rule out any other possible causes?
    If you have, and it is looking likely that you may have a dementia, I am so sorry.
    But if there are further tests and other possibilities, then please try not to dwell on the appointment too much. You have enough to deal with at the moment, and there is always the chance that the strain of your mother's situation has led to symptoms that can look like dementia.
    I hope your mother is comfortable,
    Wishing you peace and strength.
    xx
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,164
    In your position, I'm not surprised your having concerns.
    You are in one of the recognised, most stressful times of life, you are going to feel a bit rough!
    You are right to put the Memory Clinic off for a while, at least until you are ready for them.

    Bod
     
  4. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    Chaucer, I don't know what to say, but just wanted to send you every good wish possible. I sincerely hope that your concentration problems are to do with the stress and pressure you are under. We are all thinking of you.
     
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    awwwwwwwwwwww Chaucer, on top of everything else that you are dealing with. I'm so sorry and sending a big hug xx
    Definitely put off the memory clinic. The stress that you have been under will seriously affect your memory and so for quite a while you won't get accurate results if you do go. I would advise you to leave it for a couple of months and get some rest and sleep and do some 'normal' things and then go to memory clinic - it will be a much truer result.
    Thinking of you xx
     
  6. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Thank you all for replying,you are right,I do need time to breathe and get through the loss of my mum-she's not long left now,I'm concentrating on mum last few days-focusing is all I can do to stop me from going under..
    it's just that I had forgotten about the referral from my gp,which was well before Christmas time,and it is now stuck in my mind when I don't need it to be..
    I'm not sure if it is a combination of things and dementia..it will take some time to diagnose,I'm not going to be surprised if it is,my grandma and all three of her daughters including my mum had dementia..
    I have done some strange,forgetful things,my eldest daughter had dealt with me putting things in strange places,me forgetting I'd already bought things and gone and bought more,leaving-turning gas rings on and or forgetting?..frightened to go near the cooker now..
     
  7. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Thank you so much Kassy,you do understand what is happening to me,because you have been through so much pain and stress with connected things and also health issues too.. I really do feel,not myself..
    I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to see if there is a post mortem needed on mum,and also to get some more tablets to help me sleep,haven't slept for more than a couple of hours since Friday and I cannot shift this fog which I've had for months-couple of years from my mind,and it's just getting harder to function..
    I'm so glad to hear that your symptoms did ease up and I'm taking that as a positive view for me to think of with my own.. I have read some of your posts over the past months,as I have others on TP and admired the strength and what you have had to contend with,but I didn't want to intrude and stumble in,saying or coming across wrong, because it takes me ages to type and not always have a way with words or things in right way to empathise and come across the wrong way!
    I think what neighbours knew and the impression I get/am getting from someone I thought was a friend-that I would be grateful that mum passed away and i would have my life back!!
    Which couldn't be further from the truth! I hate having to go out,I prefer to stay at home have done since mid twenties!
    My mind is foggy,but I do know that certain person isn't a true friend and certainly hasn't an idea of what iam feeling,so I'm not going to waste my breathe and tell her how distraught iam at losing mum to dementia,and as for telling her my health worries,well I'm not going to bother! Xxx
     
  8. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    oh Chaucer, you've got so much to deal with and now the 'friend' - perhaps they are trying to be kind. The trouble is that people don't really know how to react around death - or how to talk to people (same with dementia) but you've got enough to worry about.
    When my Mum died I thought I might have to take a trip to the memory clinic - fog is such a good word to describe it! i really didn't realise how much stress I had been under, not just with Mum but with my husbands cancer and death and the kids to cope with too. I didn't want to go out. The first time I went out properly was about 2 months ago (10 months after she died) I went to a quiz night and I was dreading it but it was fun and I shall try to do a bit more now.

    I am now 12 months down the line and my memory is still not as good as it was before but it has seriously improved. Stress really does do some very strange things.

    Take care and I do hope you get some rest soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,183
    Female
    Chester
    I can empathise with 'brain fog' when I was at my most stressed with things which happened with mum. My mum is early stage dementia so once things were under control it all eased.

    I've had this 'brain fog' before when I lost my first son - he was still born. You just can't put your thoughts together. Then I knew it was grief/stress, I had it again during final pregnancy (of 6 for 2 kids - again stress) so when I happened when 'crisis' hit with mum (together with crisis with dau - school bullying) I recognised it as stress.

    I do hope that things will ease for you in time. Your time. Not anyone else's.
     
  10. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,164
    Your in the worst place right now. The fact you can type this is a great positive.
    Things will get better in time, it just doesn't seem that way now.

    Bod
     
  11. CeliaThePoet

    CeliaThePoet Registered User

    Dec 7, 2013
    614
    Buffalo, NY, USA
    Sleep, peace of mind, vitamins. Better soon.
     
  12. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Hello Chaucer,

    I can only add my own experience to the others expressed here. Stress does terrible things to our minds and bodies. I have brain fogs at the moment too - lack of sleep, mum sick in CH, possible job change, getting mums house ready for renting this week, commuting, husband away...... I could not remember how to play a DVD on the telly last night and the kids were in bed. I understand what you are going through.

    I also have pernicious anaemia which causes brain fog, and thyroid failure which also causes brain fog. Stress causes brain fogs. Lack of sleep causes brain fogs. Has your doctor ruled out medical reasons? It might be stress and something else.

    When my dad died from cancer it took me 18months to feel normal again. My whole world was rocked, even though at the end I was praying for him to die. Your going through one of lifes biggest traumas - being a carer and then being bereaved. Don't expect too much from yourself. Try to take it a little step at a time.

    We are all here and do understand. You don't walk alone my friend. Hugs. Quilty
     
  13. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Thank you so much,all of you for your reassurance,and sharing your own painful traumatic losses..
    It does make sense that stress and anxiety can cause the memory loss and brain fog..I'm middle aged,female too-you know,all sorts of things could be causing me problems functioning I guess.. Just the fact,I do have the inherited high cholesterol disorder-but I stopped taking statins some years ago because of leg cramp..I'm an ex-smoker-but I vape now for over a year and half I think ,balance and falling over issues,
    And my mum.. My mum had all of these issues too.. She didn't smoke as much as me,I was a chimney,nor did mum go on the lash all weekend every weekend,as I did from 15 up until I was in my late twenties! Since then nothing but an odd real ale shandy (1 pint only or I'd have been on my back)..
    I'm just rambling and stressing,it takes me a long time to get my sentences together,and to type this has took me such effort and time..which is why I don't post very often.. How can the Drs tell the difference between depression and vascular dementia when the lines are so blurred for me.. Sorry I'm having a pity party as the young ones call it,but it is all hitting me because I've recognised so much of mums symptoms,very early symptoms in me and just hadn't had time to worry about anyone but mum for the past years..
     
  14. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Im sorry i cant answer your questions to reassure you. You need to talk thus through with your doctor. We will he thinking about you. Love quilty
     
  15. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,126
    eastern USA
    So sorry to hear about the imminent death of your mother and your concerns about your own situation. What others outside our family - or even in our family - say/do, especially at this time, can really hurt. People don't know how their insensitive remarks can really set us off at this time.

    I wanted to say two things. I hear perfectly clearly your concern that you might yourself be going down a path toward a diagnosis of dementia. But I did want to say that when we are under the kinds of stress you are under, we do some strange things. I would be cautious about coming to too quick a conclusion about this, given your lack of sleep in recent weeks and the stresses you are under. Most of us have difficulty at moments like those you are describing as your current situation. So try to take it easy on yourself right now.

    The other thing I wanted to say was this: Bravo for you for being willing to get yourself to the doctor, if you *do* conceive this might be some form of mild cognitive impairment that could lead to dementia. BRAVO! If you do get a diagnosis, you'll have gotten it early, when the drugs for dementia have the best opportunity to slow progression. An early diagnosis and treatment can make a real difference. So I do hope that once things settle in terms of your mother's funeral, you'll make sure you get to the doctor. In the meantime, while you wait for that doctor's visit, try to write down the things that concern you as they happen. Write down the events where you feel you are showing signs of impairment, what time of day they occurred, how much sleep and food you'd had that day, how many medications and sleeping pills, etc. Take your list of events with you when you see the doctor. This could help immensely so the doctor can help you sort out whatever your issues are.

    I'm sorry you are having to shoulder so much.
     
  16. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Thank you CJ,all of you who have replied,i truly appreciate your support. I'm missing my mum so much,that the house doesn't feel like her house/home/my home anymore,the care equip company came last week and took her bed,and her room looks bare..still two wardrobes and chest of drawers belonging to mum and dad still in there.. Found lots of letters her sister had written over the years-sadly she too has dementia and I can see the decline in her handwriting as the years went by looking through them..so very sad to see..
    Mums funeral is midweek,perhaps I will feel less or more lost than I feel now,the loss is immense and not the relief at times,I wished for when she was alive and in a terrible way..for peace for her,so my heart is heavy with that too..On Saturday was advised to go and get checked over at a+e as chest tightness I had been having on and off(just stress related with worry and caring for mum,as all of you know how it feels)felt worse and had a unexplained blood stained eyeball.my eldest daughter was really concerned and made me ring 111.
    I didn't want to bother anyone as I know I've been there waiting with mum a few times wheeled in on a ambulance trolley and saw the pressure the dept was under.
    Had bp checked,sky high,ecg ok(thank goodness)bloods done and was given a pill to dissolve under tongue,and after a minute or so massive relief! Was given aspirin and this mouth spray to take when chest hurts again.Have been referd to chest clinic,so waiting on that appt as well as memory clinic. I did think-I must had wrote the dates down wrong- I had an appt today,so turned up only to be told no,next week..!
     
  17. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,084
    Brazil
    Chaucer.

    Sometimes Grieving give us 'symptoms' of depression and dementia. Maybe some conseuling may help with your grieving and then easy your symptoms.

    Give time to your grief.
     
  18. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    226
    Thank you Kassy,You know where iam because you have been there and still are there,the same as I will be.
    Sending you my love and empathy..
    I'm not coping with daily life tasks at all.. Haven't been for a very long time because I just focused on mum totally.
    The grief and my mental state now compared to the loss of my dad-kidney failure, is totally different,can't compare it..
    I grieved and wept for my dad and felt able to carry on and my mind wasn't blurred like it is now..
    I'm just in limbo it feels and still not real.. Iam mentally ill,no question about it,but hope once after mums funeral is over,that I can get help sorting my mind and memory problems out.Xx

    Bri_ana,

    Yes,once I have laid mum to rest,I hope I can get help to find out what is wrong with me mentally..iam depressed but the lines are blurred again between dementia and or depression. Xx
     
  19. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,126
    eastern USA
    I'm keeping you in my heart and hope that once mum's events are over, you will be able to rest a bit, see the doctor, and tend to your own life. I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is there trying to make sure you are going to be okay. That was a relieving part of your message. If you *are* facing memory issues, you will be well served by going to the doctor. The medications do slow progression, and this would give you clarity, whereas right now the vagueness and lack of clarity seems to be causing you undue stress.

    Keep letting us know how you are doing, okay? It's time you let others help you take care of *you*.
     

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