Every morning of late


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Every morning of late, when I wake up now, I go to mum toilet her knickers are wet on the toilet floor, all floor is full of urine.

What is happening mum got a pad on , but it seem she still know when she wants to go to the toilet, so she must be getting up at night going to the toilet , but not doing it in pad or the toilet then not making it in time , so is doing all over the floor in toilet . It must be like that, because her bed sheets are never wet.

I can only imagine how hard it must be for her (as she has awareness) except that she does not need to get up from bed, just urinate in her pads. Or maybe she just forgets she got pads on that she can urinate in her pads instead of getting up to go to the toilet, as she won’t stop going to the toilet to urinate , she must be losing the skill of taking her knickers of & urinating in the toilet , as its all ending up on the floor.

I can’t help but feel sorry for her, but go its horrible waking up in the morning to have to clean all that up, sure I’ll get use to it. Just that has that happen to anyone else, that they just won’t urinate in they pads, but does it all over the floor in the toilet? Its normal symptom is ant it? That this is happen with my mother because of her dementia.

This transition in to pads has been going on her nearly year half , God what a long transition, mum does now expect wearing them , but it seem another transition of giving up going to the toilet , just doing the whole lot in the pad

Has anyone out they , got to that stage that they do it all in the pad now ?

how did it happen ?

Does did the person have to lose all awareness before that happen ?

or did they just except it & do it all in the pad ?

Please share


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
Hi Maggie, what a pain for you both, and a nuisance to have to clear up every morning.:(

My mum has been in pads full time for, I think, about two years. She was, of course, always anxious about getting to the loo in time and didn't really wee into the pads until she became immobile about a year and a half ago. Even now she is aware that all is 'not right' after a meal when she wants to wee etc. I can tell she is trying to work out what needs to be done when she feels the urge to go to the loo, but she usually ends up, by default, just using the pads.

She has forgotten how to ask to go to the loo but she will say very firmly 'I want to go to bed' after or even during her midday meal, and I think this is the closest she gets to saying she wants a toilet. I don't think there necessarily is a 'set course of action' that happens for every person with dementia as regards incontinence. If your mum gets attendance allowance I think that money is supposed to help supply night time support for her.
You might want to ask your local health authority if there is an Incontinence Adviser (they may call them Continence nurses) who could visit your mum and check whether there is anything that can be done to help her.e.g thicker pads.

Also, is there any question of a bladder /urinary tract infection? Would it be worth asking the District Nurse to take a urine sample and get it tested?
Hope this gives you some ideas. Best of luck, love Deborah xx


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
if there is an Incontinence Adviser (they may call them Continence nurses) who could visit your mum and check whether there is anything that can be done to help her.e.g thicker pads.
The Incontinence Adviser, has been around given mum thicker pads but mum will wet them slightly, but take them of when she go to the toilet urinate all over the toilet & floor.

I suppose really it only all stop when mum not mobile. I am going to make appointment with doctor see if he can check mum kidneys . she is dietetic so something could be going wrong that making her go to the toilet so much . Shall also get her check out for urinary tract infection thanks xx

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Maggie.

Is it possible your mother might be thinking of these pads as sanitary pads? They were taken off before going to the toilet.

I have seen what look more like disposable nappies in use when I`ve been at Age Concern. They do not look like sanitary pads but I wouldn`t think your mother would be ready to accept them yet.

Love xx


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Maggie

It's an awful stage, I went through it with John.

I don't think it will help to tell your mum to wee in her pad, that goes against everything we've been taught from babyhood. She will only do that when she totally loses control, as she will eventually.

In the meantime, she knows she needs the toilet, but the hassle of taking the pad off means she loses control before she sits down.

The best thing I found with John was pull-up pants, which are much easier to cope with. Some LAs provide them, but ours didn't.

I bought them from Boots, own brand. If you enrol your mum in their health club, you'll get 10% off all their own-brand products.

Much sympathy, Maggie. It's a tough stage. Total incontinence is easier to deal with in many ways. But it will pass, I promise!



Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Not pleasant for you first thing in the am.:( or anytime for that matter.

You MUST be able to get help hopefully from an Incontinence Nurse, or similar. Lets face it if your Mum was in a Nursing Home or hospital they would manage the situation to suit themselves. So I think there is a way of managing it somehow.

For David a catheter was the answer but it seems so much easier for a man, although overcoming their pride a little less easy.

I do hope you can get the help you deserve.

Love Jan


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I have seen what look more like disposable nappies in use when I`ve been at Age Concern.
Yes Mel sent me packet long while back ,I thought they where really good , but mum would not put them on, she got really angry

You could be right what you Hazel say about mum thinking they like sanitary pads having to take them of , because the one she got even have sticky bit to stick on like sanitary pads.

Mum came home today with different clothe on , driver told me quietly mum wet herself.

I've just ask mum to show me she go to the toilet , bless her she was trying so hard she did it all OK but I could see she was struggling with it all. She has in the pass, does keep asking for my help when she in toilet but you all must know what it like to follow another person to the toilet every to the toilet never new how much someone go to the toilet in one day do now ! then I think if I keep helping mum she forget sooner in how to do it herself. I think its me I should give up on trying to make her keep that skill of helping herself going to the toilet , after seeing her today she just finding it all to hard , her coronation skill seem to have done

Oh well its better then wetting the bed , or chair who am I to stop her from keep going to the toilet even if she wets herself buy the time she gets they or when she in they . Know wonder they say it gets hard on the carer as time go on.

Its been a long while since mum tried those, other pull up nappy that look like knickers , I think I get a packet from boots then if she wear them I get Incontinence Nurse to order them on the NHS , Just that Becky when I ask the Nurse for those pads on the NHS they told me that in my area that they don't do it on the NHS , but then someone in my area told me they do . Just that as mum would not ware them I gave up on them. I am going to just have to say I am going to complain again if they don't give me them I really think the time come for mum to wear them .

Thanks for all your advice support
Last edited:


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
It is far easier for men

Gentlemen can have a sheath, attached to a bag at night. And, during the day the same thing, but the bag is attached to the leg with a strap.
It does work, the trick is not to let the gentleman pull it off in the night;)
Ladies, not having an appendage;) cannot have this.
Barb X


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Hi Skye

Neither would Ron, but slowly, slowly catchy monkey.
He does most of the time now. In fact, he is getting pretty good.
Just have to sort out the daytime, have made an appointment for the incontenience nurse re daytime bag. I now every two hour's remind him to go toilet, he tell's me he does not want to, but he goes, and lo and behold he pee's. Ron is alway's amazed, because he had no signal from his brain to tell him time to go pee.
Just had deliverd a king sized matress cover (wet proof) let's hope it does not get used;)
Do what we can:)


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Ron is alway's amazed, because he had no signal from his brain to tell him time to go pee.
May sound ignorant, is it because Ron does not like wearing pads .have you tried pads on Ron he just does not like them .

As you say Ron lost the signal from the brain to pee , did you not offer Ron pads when it all started to happen , or Ron more excepting of the bag.

Men must wear nappy pads also or don't they ?


Account Closed
Nov 23, 2007
Yes, tried the pant's, nappy pant's. He was wet all the time. You are right. It is acceptance.
He is more accepting of the sheath, must be a man thing, you know, contraceptive sheath's, men use them. That is my explanation. But I do have the same problem in not getting to the toilet in time during the day. The times I have spent washing the bathroom floor:(
Love Barb


Registered User
Feb 17, 2008
if you go to www.tena.co.uk you can get a free sample of there new pants with a built in pad. as we are going through this with Edna as well this is what I did, I also got the sample sent to Edna she loved geting them throgh the post, they are very good because they are just like pants so if she goes to the loo its just like pulling her pants down but if she doesn't get there in time we are covered, yes sometimes we do get a puddle on the floor but its not as bad HTH

there is also www.tena.com if you don't live in england
Last edited:


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Thats a good site .

The Nurse did order tener flex , I have few boxes of them but mum still go to the toilet herself so they where no good for her .

I can't find the link to get them :( free sample

The times I have spent washing the bathroom floo
No what you mean am so glad I did not lay carpet down

PS found the link xx


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
coast of texas

Mom has been incontinent for over 2 years. It was only in the past year that she really lost the ability to use the "loo" (I absolutely love this word.) When she started haveing a hard time with getting her pants down in time I started to push for more dresses. With the dresses she only had to "fight" with her underwear. I also chose this as when I was helping her it was much easier with a dress on her.

She gradually learned that it was ok to pee in her pants (Yes, they are indeed adult pull-ups) Still, she had a hard time with doing the other in diapers also. It is something that some people learn really well. I also suggest getting some bed pads. They have both waashable and throw away. They are approximately 1 meter X 1 meter in size. I had a cover on moms mattress that she did not like as sheets would come off very easily.

Her mattress now is vynil itself and holds the sheets much better than the coverlet for mattresses.

ON a light note....years ago moms mil had come to live with her. They went to church and as they were leaving mom looked down to see underwear on the floor. She learned after that to help mil pull up her pants as getting them down was a hassle so was getting them up.

I can only imagine my mothers face at seeing them as she was always so well-groomed and used every bit of ettiquette to make sure her life went ok.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
) When she started haveing a hard time with getting her pants down in time I started to push for more dresses.
Yes that what I am finding of late , that dresses are so much better . Mum alway like to wear trouser, so when I would put her in a dress , mum comes out of the toilet she tell me " Pull my trouser up " but she wearing a dress :confused: because she was also finding it hard pulling up her trouser also . I thought it would be easy for her to be in a dress so she only have to pull up her Knickers .

But like your mother my mother also finding it hard to pull up her knickers sometimes . she do it herself sometimes ,but most some days she ask me .

you know it may sound horrible , but I thought she was doing it on purpose , asking me to help to get my attention to pull up her Knickers or trouser . I could not believe she losing those skills ,my younger daughter the same she can't believe it happening . It hard to believe it if you don't see it happen in fount of your eyes every day slowly those skills just go .
Last edited:


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Hi Margarita,

My mum has the same problem sometimes of a day she does make it to the loo she is aware that she needs to go but she would never willingly just wet herself. But on many occasions there is a puddle because in the process of trying to sit on the loo she loses control.

Mum has no control over the flow of urine and recently of a night time she sometimes doesn't wake up and wets the bed then she is up wandering around trying to make heads and tails of what has happened.... if she happens to wake up.... as soon as her feet hit the floor all control is gone. Mum wears pads of a night and the carer toilets her twice through the night. I'm not suggesting you wake your mum and toilet her.

Take Care, Taffy.


Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
Hi Maggie, a bit late, but Susan is totally incontinent so at night, i hook a brass bell to her bedroom door handle. The bell is then in my bedroom via string (heath robinson I know)as soon as she opens the door for what-ever reason i am there. I don't want her to fall down the stairs again, or i help her if she is distressed. If you were to wake when your mum gets up you can help her.

Members online

Forum statistics

Latest member
Dinki di