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Every day seems pointless

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Sarah-Anne, Apr 20, 2007.

  1. Sarah-Anne

    Sarah-Anne Registered User

    Mar 17, 2007
    28
    shropshire
    I joined here last month after my father passed away. I haven't been on here for a while. I just wonder what life is all about now. I visit my dad's grave every day, I cant help it. I have hidden myself away since his death. I still have my mom and i am now terrified that i will lose her. I watch her constantly to see if she is ok. She is finding things so difficult so i don't want to burden her with my thoughts. The sun is shining and i don't care. Everyone says...think of the happy times....i cant...i want more happy times ....I want my dad back.
     
  2. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I'm sorry to hear how bad you are feeling Sarah-Anne. However, it is early days and it is only natural to feel like this. I know it's a cliche but time really is a great healer and I am sure you will start to feel a bit better when more time has passed. You will never forget your dad and you will always miss him. It will get easier though. Try to hang on to that thought.

    I can understand that you feel that your mum has enough to deal with. However, you do need someone you can talk to. Is there someone else perhaps? A close friend or a relative? Failing that there are various types of counselling available that could help. Cruse is a charity that specialises in helping those who are bereaved so they might be of some help

    http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/

    It goes without saying that there is always someone here to lend a virtual ear.

    Take care
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,572
    Kent
    Dear Sarah-Anne,

    It is early days since you lost your dad and you`re not yet ready to think of the happy times.

    It does sound as if you and your mother are unable to help each other. You both seem isolated in your own grief. Would you consider bereavement counselling? I have no experience of it but it might help.

    Give yourself time.
     
  4. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    426
    Warwickshire
    Hello,

    Just to say that I lost my Dad 10 months ago and it still hurts...but time does help to heal that initial panic and terror about what life holds without our loved ones...although I still have my moments.

    I took advantage of the services offered by CRUSE and I found it to be very helpful...maybe worth a try??....

    We are always here to listen anyway.

    Take care.

    Love and hugs

    Marion
    x
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sarah-Anne

    I'm so sorry, you sound so low. Are you sure you can't talk to your mum? I'm sure she is feeling just as bad, and probably is afraid to talk about your dad in case she upsets you. A good talk, and a cry and a hug together might help you both.

    If you really can't do this, do take Brenda's advice and talk to Cruse, or Samaritans would also be able to help you.

    But please try to talk to someone, even if it's only us! Bottling up your emotions will only make you ill.

    What you are feeling is a normal reaction, and no-one will think less of you if you talk about it. You loved your dad so much, and you need help to come to terms with his loss.

    Love and hugs,
     
  6. Sarah-Anne

    Sarah-Anne Registered User

    Mar 17, 2007
    28
    shropshire
    thankyou

    I have just had a look at the 'cruse' website and i have found a Shropshire office so i will phone them on Monday.
    I know this sounds sily...I can't hug my mom. I am a very tactile person but just feel wooden when i hug her. I do have time for crying but try to snap out of it before i lose control.
     
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I hope talking to Cruse helps you Sarah-Anne. Do you think that you are scared of hugging your mum because you are trying to keep a stiff upper lip and you fear that this contact will cause you to let the tears flow? I can see that you want to protect her from your feelings but she is probably just as worried about you as you are about her!
     
  8. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Hi Sarah-Anne, so sorry you're feeling so low. I do hope Cruse will be able to offer you some help and solace, and maybe you'll manage a chat and a hug with your mum in good time when you're both ready for it as well. I'm sure she's worried about you, as you are about her. It's early days yet, give yourself some time.


    Yes, me too. I lost my aunty and uncle within four weeks of each other in November/December, and my gramps two months later. Some days are good, I remember and smile, I feel glad and happy because I had very special people in my life who have left me all those memories and made my life richer. Other days are just painful...i look at photos and I cry, I see their handwriting on b'day cards and postcards and letters, and I cry. I remember and I cry, I hear a tune or someone says something, and I cry. But not for as long as I used to. Doesn't mean I miss them less, just trying to live with the pain in a different way and get used to the great gaping hole that they've left behind.

    Hugs, Tina
     
  9. Sarah-Anne

    Sarah-Anne Registered User

    Mar 17, 2007
    28
    shropshire
    thankyou all....I just had to talk to someone...even though i cant see you it helps to get support. Everybody is going through something aren't they?
     
  10. narfloon

    narfloon Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    9
    Hamshire
    Ditto

    I know how you feel! I lost my mum on NYE last year. She had been ill for 5 years. I miss her so much. For the last 2 years she was unable to speak and I have not heard her voice for so long. I have children of my own now and miss the silly things we would have done, like going for coffee, taking them to play groups, them calling her nanny. I am really struggling to get on with life. It alll seems so pointless. I am terrified of something happening to my partner or my children. I just feel totally lost and bombarded by emotions. My doctor has prescribed anti depressants which I dont want to take. I am trying to remember this is all part of a process and have to beleive it will get better at some point. Just remember, you are not alone......
     

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