Every day little problems with care

claireizz

Registered User
Jun 1, 2014
53
0
My Mum has recently had a couple of strokes, and as she used to care for my Nan, who has vascular dementia, I have taken over. I work full time and have a family, and a partner who is often away with the military and live over half an hour away so I promise I am doing my best but it's tough- especially as my brother lives in another part of the country and isn't helping, and my Mum needs chores doing, taking to appointments etc too. I have a respite carer 1 day a week who is absolutely brilliant, but social services have never returned my calls about a bit more help, they say they will be in contact to arrange a time for a new assessment, and then nothing. I would love to spend all day with Nan but that simply isn't possible so I go in 2 or 3 times a day.

Thankfully I was always quite involved and so I know all about my Nan's likes and dislikes but there are a few things I would love some help with:

- Nan always says that she doesn't need to put on clean clothes as she just has - yet she can spend a week in the same top! Do you just politely insist?
- I struggle to get liquids into her - I leave out cranberry juice, small bottles of water, and a different type of juice or squash within easy reach which she drinks - and give things like grapes, strawberries, choc ices, jellies to help with water content but I am paranoid about the dreaded water infections which she gets every couple of months
- she has gout in the big toe, and I am struggling with how to dress it without pulling off thin skin with the dressing
- she gets easily bored and so we have set up an ipod with a load of her favourite music, a digital photo frame with images of the family, I try and take her out (if only for an ice cream at a scenic point or on the school run with me) every second day but she is stuck on the same TV channel and so is there anything you can do to change things remotely or do other people say tape shows they would like and play them back?
- she wa-nders a lot into the front garden and talks to people and I am worried that strangers will take advantage of this as she sometimes asks them to do her favours like turning down her heating
- she gets fixated on things like neighbours saying that her hedges need cutting (a glimmer of truth but either something they mentioned a long time before or an innocent comment that she then takes to heart and repeats constantly)

Any advice or suggestions so so gratefully received ....
 

HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,946
0
Ireland
Hi Claire.
Just wanted to bump your post up for you this morning.
I'm sure you'll get some suggestions and advice from others soon.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Arrange for community nurse to visit and deal with daily dressing change. Ageuk have a register for people who will help with garden tasks, there is a charge but it is not high. I am on way out now but this little bit will have kept your post at the top of the file, hopefully when I get back a few more people will have posted on your thread.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
Hi claireizz
I'm amazed at how much you are doing for all the others in your life :)
I appreciate how you want to help and support so much but this level (2/3 visits a day!)isn't viable long term
so I'd say get back on at Adult Services and demand an immediate urgent reassessment of her care needs - state that her main carer so far can no longer care for her - lay it on thick that you have your own family and your mother to care for and that you cannot step in so much for your Nan for very much longer - as she is not drinking enough, has a wound that needs regular dressing, wanders in the garden and talks to strangers she IS a 'vulnerable adult' now 'at risk' and SS has a 'duty of care'
please don't hold back on how serious the situation is - let her GP and any other medics involved know all this too
and, though I understand that you personally want to do as much for your Nan as you can, don't leave SS with the impression that you will continue or they will rely on you doing so, and that's not fair on you or your Nan

to try to help with your points
clothes - do anything you can as your Nan is not able to see that anything is wrong - take the clothes on a night and put in the wash - lay out clean ready for the morning - maybe buy similar items so she doesn't notice her clothes are being changed - spill something on her so they have to be changed immediately ... be as underhand as you need - possibly not even saying anything to her as this will just build up resistance
drinking - with my dad, he just no longer grasped the link between drinking and dehydration - he didn't notice drinks left out for him, and didn't really know what to do with them when he did - so when I was with him, I'd make us both a drink so he had me to copy, and I'd tell him to drink it all down, and I'd watch so he did BUT that means being there - you seem to be doing pretty much what is possible - have you tried a carton drink with the straw already pushed in; don't know why but dad would more happily drink these at one point
toe - I agree with Tin that you need professional help with this - contact her GP and say you have no idea what you are doing so they realise they must help
boredom - SS need to offer some day care so that she is looked after and supervised during the day - or a sitter to be with her - I have no knowledge about tech to help, sorry, but there probably is some - is her boredom leading her to get into mischief eg the going into the garden and asking for help? or is she mostly settled? - dad at times just wanted things around him to be quiet and calm, it looked like 'being bored' but he was actually settled
wandering - Adult Services can supply a carephone system/door alarm/personal alarm and tracker system - it helped dad on many an occasion
fixations - oh dear, what to say - soothing words and 'I'll get on to it straight away, when I've found my hedge trimmer ...'?

I don't know what your Nan's finances are - if she would be self-funding you can put in place any care you see fit - she needs more than a bit more help
and have POAs been put in place?

sorry to be so bossy and to have waffled on

best wishes to you, your mum and your Nan

PS I've just looked at your past posts - I'm sorry the respite care your Nan had was not up to scratch - please don't let that colour your view of all care homes - dad is well looked after in his and the staff really do care about him - there are good homes out there for when the time comes - maybe visit a few to get an idea of what is available and what may eventually suit your Nan (sorry I know you have little time to spare; best to be prepared, though) - I appreciate that she loves her own home, but at some point it becomes merely the house she lives in and a care home will offer her support all day every day
 
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claireizz

Registered User
Jun 1, 2014
53
0
Thank you, that's really helpful. I chased up SS today - 23 week waiting list for further assessments! I have to admit I can cope with things like the personal care, gardening and cleaning as you sort of schedule these, it's trying to fit work around the 101 appointments for the podiatrist, doctor, nurse, hairdresser, memory clinic etc! And I feel for my own little girl who doesn't have much of an evening once I have sorted everyone else out!
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
Hi claireizz
23 weeks??!! that's nearly half a year!
on my - I know that SS are stretched, however, that seems a ridiculously long time

you are right to be concerned about your own daughter; really, she should be your focus though I completely understand that you want to support your mum and Nan - you're only one person, though, and can only do so much

awful to say this but how strong are you, and willing to stand by your word? - sadly, sometimes it takes extreme measures and even a crisis for Adult Services to step up - would you consider telling them that you are simply unable to look after your Nan as well as your own family and your mother, so you will not be supporting your Nan at all, as no adult can be made to look after another ..... it's awful but something to think on

sorry to pry - has your Nan finances available to fund home care visits (if she's in her own home and has an income and savings she may well be considered as self-funding anyway) - if she has and would accept more help (you say she has a respite carer already), you can organise all this privately

best wishes
 

angelface

Registered User
Oct 8, 2011
1,085
0
london
I should get on to the SS emergency section if I were you ,and tell them you can't cope.

You may be managing ok at the moment, but it will get harder. SS depend on people accepting what they are told, and waiting the 23 weeks.

It is very important too that your little girl has the time she need with you,I am sure you know those young years can never be replaced.

I expect you have POA and attendance allowance organised? That will help with paying for care.

Everything Shadrech says is very relevant, so I won't say it again. :)
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,725
0
You are amazing
You need a carers assessment for yourself for sure. I agree I'd get onto emergency
You can usually make a direct referral to the District Nurses and I'd be inclined to do that for the gout
We used to set my ma's TV each day for programmes for the whole day - the ones she liked, then at tea time I would do the evening ones. It was built into the TV and really easy to set. When she became worse I just used to leave it on and it would roll through the programmes on the days she was in. She thought the TV was miraculous because it knew which programmes she liked - love her :)
 

Marks its

Registered User
Jul 16, 2015
11
0
Belfast
Tv solution?

My Mum has recently had a couple of strokes, and as she used to care for my Nan, who has vascular dementia, I have taken over. I work full time and have a family, and a partner who is often away with the military and live over half an hour away so I promise I am doing my best but it's tough- especially as my brother lives in another part of the country and isn't helping, and my Mum needs chores doing, taking to appointments etc too. I have a respite carer 1 day a week who is absolutely brilliant, but social services have never returned my calls about a bit more help, they say they will be in contact to arrange a time for a new assessment, and then nothing. I would love to spend all day with Nan but that simply isn't possible so I go in 2 or 3 times a day.

Thankfully I was always quite involved and so I know all about my Nan's likes and dislikes but there are a few things I would love some help with:

- Nan always says that she doesn't need to put on clean clothes as she just has - yet she can spend a week in the same top! Do you just politely insist?
- I struggle to get liquids into her - I leave out cranberry juice, small bottles of water, and a different type of juice or squash within easy reach which she drinks - and give things like grapes, strawberries, choc ices, jellies to help with water content but I am paranoid about the dreaded water infections which she gets every couple of months
- she has gout in the big toe, and I am struggling with how to dress it without pulling off thin skin with the dressing
- she gets easily bored and so we have set up an ipod with a load of her favourite music, a digital photo frame with images of the family, I try and take her out (if only for an ice cream at a scenic point or on the school run with me) every second day but she is stuck on the same TV channel and so is there anything you can do to change things remotely or do other people say tape shows they would like and play them back?
- she wa-nders a lot into the front garden and talks to people and I am worried that strangers will take advantage of this as she sometimes asks them to do her favours like turning down her heating
- she gets fixated on things like neighbours saying that her hedges need cutting (a glimmer of truth but either something they mentioned a long time before or an innocent comment that she then takes to heart and repeats constantly)

Any advice or suggestions so so gratefully received ....


Hi,
I was the same with my mum. Then some hope.
Mum's TVs has an epg ( electronic programme guide ). What you can do is go through the week and highlight the programmes you want to watch. When the time comes the tv flicks to the channel you want. You can go into settings also and set it up so programmes that come on at the same time every day or weekends will be set up so you don't have to set it up every week etc. Hope this helps.
Stay strong. You're doing great.