Ever felt like running away?

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Hi everyone

Where do i start?.............must have wrote this 4 times and kept deleting it!
I'm not even sure i'm doing the right thing in posting this. I just seem to be so indecisive about everything at the moment!..........sorry!

One of the reasons i'm writing this is because i'll be missing for a while and didn't want to spark a Daisy-G search:eek: ..............i had thought about saying i'm off on holiday or business, then i thought.............can't lie to my friends.............so here goes:

I sort of knew something was wrong when Ray took ill, but i was so busy trying to cope with everything that was happening to him.........then losing him...........finally went to the hospital on 17th dec..........to be told that they had found a tumour the size of a football in my abdomen.......they won't know if its benign or not until they operate, but they said they have to treat it as if it is malignant until proven otherwise............this tumour is of course attatched to quite a few other organs............they said that due to the size of it and the circumstances, i needed an urgent op to remove it and so booked me in for 22nd Dec.........they went through everything and then informed me that i'd need to be in intensive care after the op.............at which point my mind went out the window............i couldn't face it...........not so soon after losing Ray..........not intensive care after spending 3 months there with Ray..... and then all the horrific memories still fresh in my mind...........so i refused the op.

I spent a week running away from the problem, then a week coming to terms with it.............its certainly been a tough xmas and new year..........and i could certainly do with Ray being here.
I just didn't know if i had.......the will?....to get through this without him.

To cut a long story short.........i've been transfered to the northern oncology centre at one of our larger hospitals.........its a team of consultant oncologists who will each deal with their speciality during the op.........after seeing the consultant last week (my son came with me).........the consultant discussed everything in detail..........the good thing is that they said they will leave my sense of humour in tact :D ..........which is good, cos thats about the only thing they are gonna leave me with :rolleyes: .............they then issued me with a macmillan nurse, at which point my son got up and left the room.

Seeing my son so upset afterwards, made me realise that i have got the will to get through this............i know there will be lots here who have been through similar................but if i said i wasn't bricking it, i'd be lying through my teeth........but they said that they will give me an epidural for the post op pain...........wonder if that would help with the emotional pain:eek:

If i was being honest........at first i was scared i'd survive this..............then i was scared i wouldn't survive it...........now.............just scared!

So................the other reason for writing this............is just incase................i just wanted to say to everyone on TP ............thank you soooooo, soooooo much.........for everything that you have all done for me over the last nine months, i really don't think i'd have got this far without your help and support.............your kindness has always absolutely floored me.............its hard to believe how everyone here is so lovely...........its one of those things that you have to experience to believe it!.............and to my sista's?...........well...........not everyone's lucky enough to know a band of angels:) ..............save me a seat at the valentine bash;) Well..............there is an oncology department that needs to be livened up!:D .......imagine me on morphine!:rolleyes:

What more can i say?........ other than thanks..............and roll on next week!:eek:
Love Alex
 

annsmith747

Registered User
Jan 3, 2007
2
Gosford NSW
Strong people like yourself are so few on the ground, you have so much to show other people, God will keep you safe. good luck you will be fine:)
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
Dear Alex

I read your post with shock, anger, and finally, complete and utter admiration. To say you're showing grace under pressure would be an understatement. Anything one can say is going to sound trite. I've had breast cancer, but I knew going into surgery that it had been caught early. This didn't stop me from cleaning and labelling every single box in my attic (the reverse of nesting I suppose): my first thought after being given the diagnosis was "I don't want the children to have to sort out the house".

My dear, take care of yourself and your son - I'm not religious so I won't say I'll pray for you, but I'm sending very intense humanistic good thoughts towards you.

Love

Jennifer
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Alex,

What a very brave lady you are. How can you have kept all this to yourself all over Christmas, while helping to keep up the spirits of the sistas?

That courage will see you through. My thoughts, prayers, and HUGE admiration will be with you.

Lots of love,
 

abby

Registered User
Dec 19, 2006
182
West Country
Your strength......

Alex

You are one amazing lady........total respect.....I am humbled ............and all this time you were picking me up out of the douldrums.....:eek:

It goes without saying.....your strength will get you through this and I for one.....will be thinking of you everyday and count down the days to your ' welcome back ' party...:)

Much love
Abby
x
 

angela.robinson

Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
520
78
WELL DONE ALEX ...on having the guts to share this with us , i admire you so much ,you have been keeping us laughing, for weeks , while knowing what a battle you are facing,not just keeping us amused, but caring enough to reply to others needing support.well you just better be back for the other tea room activitys we have planned, we could not manage without you.so you stay strong Alex , you have the love and support of us all on TP ........hugs...LOVE. ANGELA.X.
 

Grommit

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
2,127
Doncaster
I really do not know what to say or how to say it. I just wish I had long enough arms to reach you and help in some way.
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
.........and on your behalf I would like to keep the others posted on your progress .....
Yer a canny lass Hinney;)
xx
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Wendy, we're banking on ya ...

Alex, well done on finding the courage to post that .... that same spirit that's gonna get you through this ... well, that and the love and support you have here ... those thanks work both ways...;)

Love, Karen, x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,144
Kent
Dear Alex, It`s at times like these, I wish I had some belief in prayer, for then I would be able to pray for you.

I do have belief in positive thinking though and will practice that to the limit.

You know you are strong, but you are being tested beyond all expectations. You have the respect and admiration of us all.

I do hope Wendy will be able to keep us posted, and it won`t be too long before you`re back with us.

With love. Sylvia x
 

maria29al

Registered User
Mar 15, 2006
426
59
Warwickshire
Alex,

What a brave woman you are.....I admire your courage....its ok to feel scared...but I know all will be well.

I too am not religious but my thoughts and huge hugs are with you.

Me and JBJ will be waiting to share a drink with you at the Valentines "Do"! :D

Chin up....

Love and hugs

M
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:)
 

Grandaughter 1

Registered User
Jan 17, 2006
141
Hampshire
You are one remarkable woman Alex. You were such a support to me over Christmas and you were keeping your worries to yourself.

I hope everything goes smoothly for you and you get back to good health very very soon.

Much love and best wishes

Louise x
 

sarahc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2004
33
You are very brave

Hi Alex, I wish you all the luck in the world - we will miss you on TP ! Don't stay away too long !

I can kind of relate to your decision (in a much more minor way)- I have to have a hysterectomy (now scheduled for mid Feb). I feel v young to be having it at 44, have had no children etc so there were alot of issues to deal with. I was offered the op at short notice in early December, but refused it as I felt scared, unready etc so I can relate to you postponing your surgery too. Thinking of you - will do anything to help.
Sarah
 

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
790
Buckinghamshire
All the best!

Dear, brave, strong Alex,
A kite will always rise against the wind - and I hope yours will soar in the prevailing storm. Your love and concern for your son, your family and your friends will give you the strength to keep you going, and as long as they leave your sense of humour intact, as promised, all is not lost ..............
We are all rooting for you, and our positive thoughts and wishes will, hopefully, help you to get better very soon.
Please keep us posted.
Love and best wishes, and big hugs!
 

Cate

Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
1,370
Newport, Gwent
Hiya Alex
You already know my thoughts., will be with you in spirit every step of the way.
Hugs and love in spades.
Cate xxx
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Dear Alex, so very sorry to hear your news. Here's wishing you a short stay, and a very speedy recovery. Love Deborah