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Evenings oh so awful

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Why why are evenings so awful?

Why does everything seem worse?

Why does MIL wake up in the evenings?

I wished she would wash and go to bed :eek:
 

janma221

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
284
Powys
I am lucky in that I don't live with my Mum (2 hours drive away) but when I visit her the evenings are the worst she puts on her shoes and socks and wild horses won't stop her from going out. She brings me 'breakfast' of warm bread with marmalade and a cup of tea sometimes even uses a teabag at about 2am expecting me to be elated!
Hope your evening gets more settled later.
Love Jan xxx
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Thank you. She has been incontinent of urine and the whole rooms smells of it but she has put her make up on as if she is going out!
 

60's child

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
588
suffolk
Hi 1954
I am lucky (so far) that my Mum gets very tired in the evenings and goes to bed early but she does seem quite agitated betweek 5 - 6pm. I think there is something called "sundowning" in relation to dementia where agitation is worse in the evenings. Maybe this could be the cause? Either way it is certainly not easy for you to deal with us and most of us are more tired in the evenings in any case so harder to deal with. Does she sleep a lot during the day and is less tired ? Maybe a milky drink with a little bit of brandy might help......? ( you or your Mum..!)
Dee x
 

steffie60

Registered User
Jan 22, 2013
232
Hampshire
My Mum has her own self contained flat attached to us. She sleeps in during the morning if she is up before lunch it is a rarity, yesterday she stayed in her dressing gown all day but after a mishap today just before I was about to rush out for the grand children's school run she had to get up and a wash load put on. Oh! this damned disease! On the brighter side Mum does not wander but she does keep on with the same subject which drives my husband up the wall! I think she will sleep longer again when the days are shorter, I never thought I would look forward to winter!
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Hi 60's Child

I am lucky (so far) that my Mum gets very tired in the evenings and goes to bed early but she does seem quite agitated betweek 5 - 6pm. I think there is something called "sundowning" in relation to dementia where agitation is worse in the evenings. Maybe this could be the cause? Either way it is certainly not easy for you to deal with us and most of us are more tired in the evenings in any case so harder to deal with. Does she sleep a lot during the day and is less tired ? Maybe a milky drink with a little bit of brandy might help......? ( you or your Mum..!)
Dee x
Sundowning it probably is but her family have always said she is bad in the mornings and bright in the evenings. I am the opposite. I can get up at 0500hrs easily but crash in the evenings. No alcohol allowed for her as she used to drink about 1/2 - 1 bottle of scotch a day and had lots of TIA's! She does have the odd glass of wine but then becomes even more aggressive and incontinent of urine :eek:

She's washed............phew, smell virtually gone in room. Now we are watching a repeat of Wimbledon and the same comments are all said again. I hate Wimbledon but have it on for mum as she loves it :D

I have just poured a large rum and coke for me :D:D
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Steffie 60

[QUOTEI think she will sleep longer again when the days are shorter, I never thought I would look forward to winter! ][/QUOTE]

You are so right. I never never thought I would look forward to winter nights! Oh come on winter :)
 

Big Effort

Account Closed
Jul 8, 2012
1,928
Dear 1954,

You know the expression, 'the darkest hour is the one before dawn'.
Why some people with dementia get up and get active just as we are winding down is because the sleep centre is messed up and circadian rhythms get knocked out of sync.

Luckily we haven't had this issue with Mum. Yet. Fingers crossed we don't travel that route.

However we did always take precautions. She used to nap straight after lunch for a short while. We used to get her to walk, a decent walk, once in the morning and once in the evening. Also we encouraged lots of work and time spent in the garden. This helped as Mum was pooped by bedtime. And slept.

Sleep deprivation is very tough. How about wearing sleep phones. I wore them for my insomnia. A comfy headband with tiny headphones inset at ear level, so you can have some sleep inducing music running..... for the patient, if she will have it, or for yourself, if you can't sleep due to noise. Perhaps night and night about with your husband?

Sweet dreams tonight.

Another thought. Have you ever tried playing those tracks like rain, or soothing music, just so she has something to listen to and pass the 'difficult' waking hours. I have had spells of dreadful insomnia, and found CDs with delta and theta brainwave frequencies embedded. You could leave that playing quietly all night. She won't be any the wiser as the theta waves are embedded in nature sounds. I had one with tropical forest bird song - wham and off I went to sleep. Rain never worked for me though.

Good luck and pleasant dreams, BE
 

Nebiroth

Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
3,511
Sundowning is so named because it most often happens in the late afternoon/early evening, but it is possible for it to happen at other times of the day too. If you get a period of increased agitation/confusion that is associated with a particular time of day regularly, then it is most likely sundowning, even if it's in the middle of the morning or late at night.
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
In this household Sundowning happens most of the day except when MIL is asleep! No that is no fair she is ok now, she really is ok. She's quiet happy actually so its me that's got the problem. I just want time alone with my husband
 

ceroc46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2012
118
Hi 1954,

Our evenings used to be the bad time - it is sundowning- but lately the evenings seem to be starting earlier. The last few days it seemed to start at 2pm. Pacing, in and out to the loo ( not doing anything, mind), up and down to the bedroom, and all the time the constant noise.

Came in from work this evening, after listening to it all day, to find she had wee-d on the floor, pulled the curtains down, and some clothes that had been washed and ready to put away, felt suspiciously damp, (wee?)

Getting her ready for bed is a nightmare, just cannot understand a word I'm saying. Won't stand and of course can't hear what I'm asking her to do because of the noise.

How much longer can we go through this? I do think it would be better not to be here; my brother would put her in a home so fast her feet wouldn't touch, as I suspect hubby would. Kids can fend for themselves.........I just can't see an end to it. And now I've upset myself :mad:

Anyways, best go and get something to eat, working again tomorrow and Sunday.

Sorry for the rant, but I know you lovely people will understand !!

xx
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
Oh ceroc46

None of this is easy is it? Honestly, we give up our lives to look after them. How you manage to work as well I don't know :eek:

Thankfully my MIL has not started to do such drastic things but then she is never left alone. If she gets agitated in the day I always take her somewhere, either walk with her if it is fine or drive somewhere. That normally calms her but it is not possible to that all day long

I think you are marvellous when you have to put up with clothes/curtains ruined. I don't have the wee every where she favours weeing in her paints or on the bathroom floor which is more manageable

I hope your weekend is better xx
 

Rosie Webros

Registered User
May 8, 2013
181
Yes, it is so difficult. At the beginning of dad's Alzheimer's diagnosis, my mom used to phone me up very often at about six in the evening and say dad had gone missing. Many times I would drive around and find him and he would think it was six in the morning and he was on his early morning walk. Nothing I could say would convince him otherwise.

Sounds strange, but the way dad is now in the nursing home, I yearn for those days again. Strange what we wish for sometimes isn't it? I find myself reading some threads and suddenly remembering that yes, dad did that or dad used to say that, and I am instantly reminded of it. Then it reminds me that it hasn't been that long ago since dad did that and I haven't realised that he doesn't do it anymore. There are so many different stages to this horrid disease. Sorry if I am rambling.

All the best everyone, and I hope your evenings get a little more peaceful soon.

Take care, rosie xx
 

Dazmum

Registered User
Jul 10, 2011
10,314
Horsham, West Sussex
The majority of residents at mum's care home become restless and more anxious from about 4.30 onwards, if I take mum back at about 4.00, when she too starts to get restless and 'needing to go home' from my house, there is a lot of wandering about and trying door handles etc. It upsets mum as some of the ladies get more quarrelsome too, and mum takes it personally, so I asked if she could go somewhere quieter at that time, with the result that she has her supper in her room, and this seems to be working for now.

Does anyone know why this seems to happen at this time of day? Mum was like it when she lived with us too and this was when she went wandering.
 
Last edited:

Austinsmum

Registered User
Oct 7, 2012
305
Melton Mowbray
Ceroc46 and 1954,

oh how I can relate to your description of all day sundowning. Mum gets up at 6ish and paces ALL DAY LONG. Sliding her slippers across the tiled floor, endlessly shuffling and fiddling. Only stopping to dismantle whatever catches her eye. Food, her bed, table lights (can’t switch them off so either takes them to pieces or buries them under cushions (yes they are live :eek:) most recently she’s taken to cutting up her clothes.

I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the sound of her feet; it makes my heart sink so bad.
 

Carara

Registered User
May 19, 2013
283
West Mids,Uk
Oh 1954

Its so sad isnt it?

We can`t even watch tv as mil dont shut up so you can`t hear it anyway

My mil sundowns all day I think

She`s a little quiet in the mornings until she`s re-charged her batteries

Then roughly from 11am she starts,talking all the time,demanding etc trying to get out the chair could go on & on

She`s got catheter as you know but plays with the darn thing all day :mad:

Oh and quite often she`s messed herself leaving a lovely aroma in our house :(

I love my life :D
 

1954

Registered User
Jan 3, 2013
3,835
Sidcup
MIL dozes in the morning and then afternoon it starts

She is still 'flicking' through todays paper. From front to back and then back to front and so it goes on. She must have done that 20 times this morning at least :eek: The paper lasts her all week as she forgets she's read it

Fiddles in her handbag endlessly, loses things. I have lost count of how many pairs of earrings I have bought her since last November and most sets have an earing missing :eek:

Sundowning. Why is it not known about until one is faced with it and then find out the hard way!!!!!!
 

janma221

Registered User
Apr 23, 2013
284
Powys
My Mum loves tissues, she takes them out one at a time and always offers one to me like you would a sweet. I found a couple of new packs she must have placed in my handbag when I wasn't looking. At least if I get a cold I will be well stocked up.
Take care
Jan x
 

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