• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Evening confusion

Carrie Anne

Registered User
Sep 7, 2011
Mum lives 30 minutes away from me on her own and the last few months have been getting more and more difficult for her. Much to her annoyance she has 3 care visits a day. The most recent change is a teatime visit, put in place because she is getting increasingly confused in the evening.

For the last 2 or 3 months she has spells when she rings in the evenings saying that she has been dumped in the middle of nowhere and can I go and get her. The first few times I did go over to try and reassure her, but I cant do this all the time and I try and reassure her on the phone as best I can. The hope was that the evening carer would nip the situation in the bud and make her feel more reassured. This evening and last night she phoned, in the same situation and was very angry that I won't go over. I do understand that she is very anxious and that is why she gets so cross, but I am trying to get her to accept the fact that she shouldn't be feeling frightened in her own home and that she needs to somewhere safer, I have found a very nice care home and when she looked round she agreed it was lovely, but she wasn't going to live there. If I keep running over all the time I feel that the penny will never drop that she needs 24 hour care and she will be very content to take over my life. I do visit as much as I can, usually 3 or 4 times a week and I am finding this increasingly difficult.

The carers' supervisor is concerned that she still lives alone as are her neighbours, who are worried every time she steps outside as she now has a record of packing a handbag with a lot of bit and pieces and starting to walk down the road after dark. Suggestions that she goes for a break or even goes to one of the activities at the care home cause such anger, she threatens suicide, tells me I have broken her heart and how can I be so hard when we used to get on so well. She has the same stock phrases that get pulled out every time I say something she doesn't like. I've had enough.


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
Her responses will continue because she is unable to reason. Within moments of explaining something very carefully to my husband he will go back to where he was. You must book her in for a trial period with a view to permanent care and simply take her there and stay away long enough for her to adjust to a new reality.

I hope I never have to do this but if it is necessary I will.


Registered User
Nov 9, 2014
Unfortunately it sounds as if you have reached the stage where you move in with mum or arrange for her to stay at the care home Marionq is right she will never agree that she needs care . You have to take her there using the kindest means of deception you can and then leave. The carers should have the training and experience to get her to settle there though this may take a few weeks and she could forever believe she is on holiday or staying for a day of two.

If you really initially can't face taking her there is there someone else who could do it for you?

good luck