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Escalation if unhappy with Social Services

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Flymo, Aug 21, 2015.

  1. Flymo

    Flymo Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    Following on from my previous thread (halfway house).

    My dad and brother met with Social Services, the Dementia nurse and independent advocate yesterday but the outcome was not at all what we wanted. The only thing agreed was that my mum would be taken into respite care for 2 weeks at some point in the future.

    The fact that my mum has hit my dad, does not know who he is, wants to go "home" on a daily basis, is very aggressive etc etc, does not seem to come into it. Neither does the health of my dad who has openly stated he is no longer able to care for her.

    Would really appreciate any advice on how to escalate with Social Services (or any other body).

    It seems as though the decision is with Social Services. The dementia nurse thinks my mum should be in care but seems powerless to get anything done.

    We are really concerned that this will have a further detrimental effect on my dad's health. He has lost a lot of weight due to all the stress but they do not seem to be paying any attention to this aspect.
  2. curtainsgalore

    curtainsgalore Registered User

    Nov 2, 2014
    You're Dad should lay it on the line that he can't cope with your Mum anymore and you and your Brother say that you are washing your hands of it all and are not going to help with any caring.
    Your Dad is a vulnerable adult if your Mum Hits him and this can't continue. SS And the powers that be must be told that you and your brother andDad are walking away and letting them sort it out, you're not going to!
    Unless you do this they will just keep assuming you can cope, even if you do, it'll only be until the next crisis.
    Good luck, so hard to be tough with them but I had to do this with an alcoholic dying Dad and a Mum with advanced mixed dementia who SS thought was going to care for Dad. I said I would walk away and leave them all to it. They soon sorting out a nursing home for my Dad to die in.
    Mum didn't even recognise him as her husband.
  3. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    I second what curtainsgalore has said. No one can be forced into caring for anyone, especially when their own health is at risk and they are in danger of being physically hurt by the person they are caring for.

    I'm wondering, would your Mum be fully funded by Social Services? Or would she be self funding? If it's the former, that maybe why they are being difficult, if the latter, you don't need any input from them at all, you can just go ahead and organise whatever care you need.

    If she would be funded by SS, I would send a strongly worded email to the SW manager, saying that they have gone against the advice of the dementia nurse, and that your dad is unable to take care of her due to his own health issues. Whilst SS think that you also have some input with her care, they will be quite happy to sit back and let you get on with it! Step back, tell them you are stepping back as you have your own commitments
    and that you will hold them responsible should anything happen to either of your parents.
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    What minicat says
    Oh, and use the magic words "vulnerable adult at risk".......

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