EPA - accounting for cash?

[Kayla]

I agree with Karen, one of the worst things we have to deal with is looking after Mum's money and trying to decide what is best, when she can't decide for herself. We decided to let her house rather than sell it, but that has meant spending money on updating the electricity and gas central heating, so we can get a landlord's certificate.
Mum has loads of clothes; I've got a whole wardrobe full of them at home and she doesn't "need" any more, but maybe she'd like to have something new. I swap her things around for a change and take in different summer or winter clothes for her.
She loves flowers and I try to keep her room full of plants by tending her pot plants and taking in flowers from my garden, or buying her some with my money. It wouldn't seem right to use her money, but I suppose if I did I could afford to get some nicer flowers.
I think "pocket money" is to buy anything extra, which isn't essential. If somebody is living at home, then their food and clothing would come out of "house-keeping" and the "pocket money" would be for little luxuries, like refreshments, outings, chocolates, a drink in a pub or a trip to the cinema.
Mum's cash fund in the NH is mainly spent on the chiropodist and the hairdresser. Mum's hair always looks like it's just been done and I think she likes the attention, as the hairdresser comes in once a week and is very chatty.
I miss the fact that Mum can no longer write a card or give a present and I wouldn't buy anything for myself with her money, as I'd feel guilty.
It is really sad when people can't make their own decisions any more about what they want.It is as if they are not really part of things any more.
Kayla

 

[Margarita]

Sue

My son is 27 , its just that he had a massive row with 2 of his sister , his holding a gauge now , that I know his not going to let go even after my death bed , I know this sound drastic , but I know my son .



So am please to read that I can add the 4 of them, thank-you

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Maggie, I can`t answer the questions you put to Sue, but I just want to say how sorry I am you`ve had a big family row, on top of everything else. They are so hurtful and damaging.
Take care

 

[jenniferpa]

Hey, Maggie, my son has done some truly appalling things in his time (not cruelty: he wouldn't be part of the family under those circumstances) and we're still talking. Actually I had to pause there to deal with something that he's got himself into (not his fault, but they simply don't think). Anyway, what I'm trying to say is try not to obsess over this stuff.

Love
Jennifer
(I cannot believe I got a phone call from someone about him when I was actually typing this: good grief).

 

[Margarita]

Thanks Sylvia.

I was going to write a long peace on it , thought better not it’s a public forum .

Jennifer
(I cannot believe I got a phone call from someone about him when I was actually typing this: good grief).

Hope it was good news , strange how those things happen just when your thinking about them .

I know I do obsess about it As I could not join in with the rest of my family, while taking care of my mother today, just was not in the mood but I did kind of , but did not show it .

my mother amazingly seem to enjoy it , did get a bit agitated with so many young people , pulled a few faces when told eating so many chicken pieces was not good for her, but it was a nice day ,.

Sometime I feel like so emotional wounded that if I was not caring so much time at home with mum, would not think about it so much , so I came up with this it seem that I have some to a point in my life as a parent, that I have to let go and let him get on with it and make his own mistake , missing out so much in being part of a family unit , that he wants to be left out on.

as then he does come around to talk with me , but only when my mother and I are at home .

 

[jenniferpa]

No NOT good news (see my post in the tea room). I don't know, some children simply don't seem to be part of the family unit (my husband has a brother like that). You're right though, you can't stop them making mistakes, just be there for them if they need you.

Love
Jennifer

 

[alex]

Been away and just caught up with this thread.

Well............for what its worth, just thought i'd add my view!!!

Oh dear Janishere............."brainwashed zombie??????? sheer submissiveness????????? terrified of authority?????????"
Never something i've been accused of before in my life .............infact quiet the opposite!
I stand accused of being "too forthright" "Bolshie" "problem with authority" and "lacking tact" most of which i would agree with..............so i'll apologize in advance for the lack of tact here, but i'm a great believer in "telling it like it is!"

I agree that if you tried to make a genuine point on this thread, it was lost as soon as the insults started! (sorry if insults seems a rather strong word, but to be honest, i couldn't think of a better word to express my "opinion" of your comments)
It seems to me that you're using this forum as some kind of soap box for your political views.............i'm not saying that i disagree with your politics............but i strongly resent what seems to me to be a personal attack on very valuable and sometimes vulnerable members of this forum!

I'd agree that you sound like a very hurt and angry person.............you say "the truth hurts"...........well............the truth is.........your not the only one!...........we are all hurt..........for many different reasons...............people here are not only dealing with the devastation of caring or losing loved ones with dementia, but also dealing with many problems outside dementia and what they don't need is someone using bully tactics to gain attention.

Infact i would even go as far as to wonder if you have another agenda here?

AS Mafia?............i think not............what you've came up against is a group of "friends" (as all members here are) who believe in supporting and helping each other through a bad time.............if you wish to be a part of that then i'm sure there are very many good people here who will bend over backwards to help you, however, if all you want is to hurt, undermine or stir people up then i'm sure that there would be other forums better suited to your needs.

I'm sorry if it seems that you are being attacked, i do not mean to hurt you, but there are many people here who will defend something that is very valuable to them and thats what TP is................VALUABLE!

And finally..........Marked lack of a sense of humour???????????? something else i've never been accused of!!!!!!!Infact i'm sure many here would agree that i've been in hot water because of it! Maybe you should try to develop one!

Alex

 

[jan.]

Alex ........You`re BRILL!!!!!!

 

[ellie 123]

Thanks Jennifer.

I aim to talk to mum about an EPA this week.........that's if I can get over my own guilt! Don't be surprised if I'm unsuccessful, I'm a bit of a chicken where mum's concerned, but I know it's something that I must deal with.

Love ellie

 

[alex]

Thanks Jan...............you're not so bad yourself honey!

Love Alex x