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Enduring Power of Attorney Health and Welfare experience.

Nomorepets

Registered User
May 26, 2020
29
As my mother passed recently this will probably be my last post.
A few years ago my mother took out the EPOA for Health and Welfare as she already had finance in place. I am so glad she did this as recently she was taken into hospital and following treatment was expected to return home. I have helped her always and cared for her due to disability for around 10 years and later Dementia forcing me to stop work 2 years ago and sell my house meanwhile my invisible brother phoned from time to time and made twice yearly visits (lives in next county) and sent Christmas cards.
Since my father's death I have been named NOK so I was shocked when I found out that although I had kept my brother informed, he had spoken to the Doctor and forgot to tell me key information such as discharge imminent with options of spending her final months at home with carers or transferring to a nursing home.
When I asked the main doctor why they were no longer contacting me despite my being named on her paperwork as NOK they replied that they had been acting on my brothers instructions. I asked for all contact to go through me as before so I could organise things as usual, I have her medical details, I keep tabs on her health, weight etc and live with her, so see her every day. There was a comment on how sibling rivalry was not their concern, and then, the Doctor suggested that if we didn't make the decision they would take it out of our hands to which I replied that as I hold EPOA which was already registered with the Court of Protection he might like to reconsider. I also pointed out that the decision had not been made as I had been unaware that discharge was to be so soon.
I appreciate that they need to get patients out asap due to C-19 and I normally avoid arguments preferring a passive aggressive route. But no way was anyone putting my mother into a home without my seeing it and agreeing to it. Daft as it sounds, I'm not rich but my mum owns her house and I was willing to use the whole value to give her the best care either at home or in a nursing home for her final months. My brother thinks the opposite but he was shocked at the cost. The Doctors do not see the homes just look at availability which is fair play but I was s grateful to my mum for having given me this little bit of power to make sure her time was peaceful and she was safe and well cared for.
The Doctors then began to finally give me full information. But, it just goes to show what could have happened had mum not taken out the EPOA, mum could have been put into a home miles away or one that was not very good and I would have little or no say in it.
This problem seems quite common so if you can afford an EPOA it is well worth the money. I never expected my brother to interfere as he was too lazy but he could have unwittingly caused so many problems. Sadly, or maybe not so sad really, mum developed an infection and passed quickly, minimal pain and peacefully while in hospital and I was allowed to stay with her thanks to the kindness of a Doctor.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,875
So sorry to hear of your loss @Nomorepets , and that your brother was less than helpful with sorting out your mother's last days. I'm glad you were able to be with her though.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,215
Dorset
This is why I have H & W LPA in place now while I am well aware of what I am doing. I hope every reader of this site realises the necessity of these pieces of paper and gets their own organised now no matter what their age.
Condolences on the death of your Mum but I fully understand the reasoning behind your final sentence.
Best wishes,
Carol.
 

Nomorepets

Registered User
May 26, 2020
29
This is why I have H & W LPA in place now while I am well aware of what I am doing. I hope every reader of this site realises the necessity of these pieces of paper and gets their own organised now no matter what their age.
Condolences on the death of your Mum but I fully understand the reasoning behind your final sentence.
Best wishes,
Carol.
Thank you Sarasa and Banjomnsmate. Mum's, passing was strange, we were chatting, laughing, then she fell asleep and passed shortly after. I couldn't really wish for more, she was so brave and accepting of what was happening. Take care.