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End of the road.


Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
I’ve just looked back ro see my first post was just over 6 years ago when my husband was quite newly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. He deteriorated very slowly and I frequently posted about he frustration of living with an annoying overgrown toddler who could only get more not less dependent. I often wished it would end. Then in October he had a stroke. I posted here about how unfair it was on him having spent 6 years slowly losing all his cognitive ability to suddenly lose everything else including speech and swallowing.

After a month the rehab team discussed with me the reality if his situation and the decision to offer him palliative care and transfer to a nursing home which I accepted. He was moved to a home about 20 minutes from here. He was very unhappy, restless and distressed and I discussed with the home’s GP the possibility of sedation to make him less unhappy and they agreed. He died a few days later and fortunately I was able to be with him

So my life as a carer - both for him and my father who died three years ago, is over. It feels very strange and very sad but my husband is at peace. He will not suffer either the indignity of his gradual decline with dementia or the frustration of being paralysed by the stroke. My sons commented that I look as if a load has been lifted from my shoulders and I think they struggle to understand why I am not a sobbing wreck. I lost my beloved husband and soul mate several years ago and I have shed plenty of tears over the years and lots more over the last few weeks and sitting by his bed as he died. I have done a lot of grieving already

TP has been a huge support and I will always remember the care and support given to me and everyone else who posts in distress and despair. Keep up the good work and caring for each other on your different journeys with this evil evil disease,



Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
I understand the relief that your husband’s trials are over. Whilst none of us want our loved ones to die we accept that it is a preferable option to watching them deteriorate slowly and understanding their distress as it happens.
The tears will come later, along with both happy and sad thoughts and memories but for now you can learn to relax and learn to live a different life.
You were able to say your “Goodbyes” and know that you looked after him to the best of your ability and nobody can do more than that.
Thinking of you,


Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
Basingstoke, Hampshire
I offer my sincere condolences but as you say, your husband is at peace now. I can understand how you feel, that you lost your husband a long time ago. Now you need to take hold of your life and live it. It's time to think about you.


Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
I understand that @Olliebeak It was a huge relief when dad died in February. He was in a dreadful state physically and I just don't know how he kept going for so long. It is a horrible thing to watch and as you say 'they are at peace now' which is something I suppose.

The emotions that we feel at the time and for a long while after can be up or down and at any time of the day. It's your time now and you will go on and recover at your own pace. Wishing you well and I hope that the rest of your life is good, you deserve it.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I am sorry for your loss, but can understand your reaction. Sometimes I think it would be better for OH to go like that........

It will take time for you to process all that has happened and you may find that your emotions will constantly change. Be prepared for the sadness to suddenly hit you.
I wish you well for the future

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
It is often a relief to know the suffering is over, especially when there is no recognisable quality of life.

My condolences to you @Olliebeak

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