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End of my tethering

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Suemarc, May 12, 2018.

  1. Suemarc

    Suemarc Registered User

    Nov 1, 2016
    6
    I don’t know if anyone can help me but I’m at the end my tether, I really don’t know what to do. My mother has frontal lobe dementia, and her moods and behaviour is getting worse and worse, she is in a nursing home, but to be honest I don’t know how much longer they will put up with her. She can be evil, especially to me, she keeps telling everyone that I done some really horrible things to her, like I’ve put her in there, just to get my hands on all of her possessions and money. She’s convinced that there is nothing wrong with her. It’s just my family she’s got it in for, we’re all evil, my husband of 30 years is the ring leader, he’s recovering from a heart attack so he doesn’t need all of this. I am an only child now as my brother died 3 years ago, his family haven’t had much to do with my mother over the years, it’s always been me... she’s hated my sister in law for years but now all of a sudden she’s her best friend, a saint! I feel like running away, my mother says she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore... help please!!!
     
  2. Hazara8

    Hazara8 Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    234
    Speak to the National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 tomorrow, if you feel it might help.
    If the actual dementia is behavioural-variant frontotemporal dementia then this explains some of the behaviour you outline here. Again, it is very hard to accept just how much dementia contributes to or exacerbates personality in this way. Take a long deep breath and have a word with the Helpline above.
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,142
    I think you have to work out what benefit, if any, is there to you visiting. If she is generally OK when you aren't there and always attacks you when you are, I'm of the opinion that fewer shorter visits are the way to go.If it doesn't make her happy and doesn't make you happy, why put yourself through it? I think it's important for family members to be a presence in a home for all sorts of reason, but I don't see much benefit to either of you in actually seeing her if it upsets both of you.

    Sometimes stepping back is the best option for everyone, including her.
     
  4. DeMartin

    DeMartin Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    562
    Kent
    My mum, with vascular dementia, can also be pretty verbally vicious. I try never to see her alone, in company she goes into hostess mode. I also try to visit during an activity, my favourite is bingo. I can take part, chat to mum, and it’s easy not to win.
    Occasionally my strategy doesn’t work, in that case I leave as soon as she gets nasty. 7 minutes was my shortest visit.
    I always take a treat, mum’s favourite is Yorkie bars, even those don’t work some days, but at least I’ve seen she’s clean and cared for.
     

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