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End of mums journey

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
292
0
My wonderful Mum is at end of life. Her leg has died and she has a blood clot and the vascular surgeon estimates a week. She’s back in her care home with friendly faces. But I am lost. Does anyone have any experience of this type of situation? I’ll be staying with her until the end, with breaks to a hotel tonight and with family from tomorrow. I’ve spoken to the hospice team and I am happy she will be looked after but I honestly can’t believe this time has come. We’ve had so many near misses and sad illnesses to go through together. My world is going to be a lot less brighter without her in it.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,376
0
71
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read your news @Frank24.

I’m glad you have shared here as so many members will have gone through the same experience and will understand what you are going through. Your love for her shines through. I went through this with both my mum and my husband. Just being there for your mum is what is important for both of you.

Wishing you all the strength in the world.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
663
0
So sorry you are now facing the final battle with your Mum, I sincerely hope that her passing is peaceful and quick. Take care, sending hugs
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,148
0
South coast
I know what you mean about the near misses and the illnesses so that you can hardly believe that it has come to this stage. I had had the same with mum and I kept on half expecting her to rally, even though really, I knew she would not.

This is a tough stage and it can go on far longer than you might think possible.
The important thing is to be there with her - talk to her, retell her the old family stories, read to her, play her favourite music. If you are allowed to, comb her hair, put moisturiser on her skin and lip salve on her lips (you might not be allowed to).

Remember to look after yourself - dont forget to eat and sleep
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
75,844
0
Kent
Hello @Frank24

You’re facing the time many of us have experienced and those who haven’t, dread.

There’s no easy way to get through this but I hope you realise just being with your mother as long as she needs you is giving her your best.

I hope the end will be peaceful and pain free for you mother. It`s all I can hope for for you
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
912
0
Hello @Frank24 sorry to read of your sad news. I lost my dad last year in January. To be honest following a couple of weeks stay in hospital dad was returned to the CH and never really regained consciousness. I sat with my dad as much as I could but it couldn't be 24/7. Covid was still about so it was only because of dads situation concessions were given. I played dad his favourite music and chatted away talking about mum whom he loved very much but had already passed in 2016. I have no idea if he heard me but I swear I saw his eyebrows raise when I put his Frank Sinatra CD on. It helped me to be able to sit with dad and I hope he knew I was there. I can only say talk, chat about things tell mum it's all ok and play some of her favourite music. It's said hearing is one of the last things to go. I'm sorry you have to go through this but if you can do some of these things I'm sure it will also help you to say goodbye. I hope your mums passing is gentle. Unfortunately my dad got a positive test the day before he passed and
Covid was in the CH home as staff had tested positive too. I was unable to spend more than a few short minutes with dad thereafter at my own risk. My dad sadly died without any family present although I had seen him that day.
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
292
0
Thanks All. This forum has been amazing. It’s offered perspective at times when I had none. And whilst I hate the idea of other people experiencing similar I think it’s kept me sane ish! Thank you xx
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,227
0
So sorry @Frank24 you have always spoken of your mother with a deep love and she was probably aware of that love. I hope her passing is easy and I wish you strength to get through the coming days. When dad went I felt great relief that his suffering was over but I still miss him more than two years later. Be kind to yourself because you have done your very best.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
9,093
0
Bristol
Oh, how awful and sad @Frank24.
What got me through a similar experience was the kind support of the wonderful people at Talking Point and little moments. My partner squeezed my had with both of her hands two days before she died and however sad I feel looking back it was a beautiful moment. Try to hold on to those and try to get a few break to clear your head for 5 minutes.
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
267
0
My wonderful Mum is at end of life. Her leg has died and she has a blood clot and the vascular surgeon estimates a week. She’s back in her care home with friendly faces. But I am lost. Does anyone have any experience of this type of situation? I’ll be staying with her until the end, with breaks to a hotel tonight and with family from tomorrow. I’ve spoken to the hospice team and I am happy she will be looked after but I honestly can’t believe this time has come. We’ve had so many near misses and sad illnesses to go through together. My world is going to be a lot less brighter without her in it.
You were fortunate to have each other and such a loving relationship. I’m so sorry she is at end of life but hope it will be peaceful for her and you get to spend some time with her and say your goodbyes. 💐 xx
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
292
0
I’m so sorry to read your news @Frank24.

I’m glad you have shared here as so many members will have gone through the same experience and will understand what you are going through. Your love for her shines through. I went through this with both my mum and my husband. Just being there for your mum is what is important for both of you.

Wishing you all the strength in the world.
Thank you xxx
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
292
0
Oh, how awful and sad @Frank24.
What got me through a similar experience was the kind support of the wonderful people at Talking Point and little moments. My partner squeezed my had with both of her hands two days before she died and however sad I feel looking back it was a beautiful moment. Try to hold on to those and try to get a few break to clear your head for 5 minutes.
Oh thanks so much xxx please take care I know your not having an easy time xx
 

Frank24

Registered User
Feb 13, 2018
292
0
So sorry @Frank24 you have always spoken of your mother with a deep love and she was probably aware of that love. I hope her passing is easy and I wish you strength to get through the coming days. When dad went I felt great relief that his suffering was over but I still miss him more than two years later. Be kind to yourself because you have done your very best.
Your kind words mean a lot xx