End of Life

Wendy C

Registered User
Jan 29, 2012
121
0
West Midlands
Can anyone explain to me how I will know when my Mom is at end of life please. She is just a shell now, but eating well. Nothing there at all, even the smile has gone. Thank you.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Is your mom at home or being cared for in a nursing home/hospital? I'm so sorry for you, seeing her get to this stage.

If she's still eating well, then to be honest, it doesn't sound like she has reached the end of her life yet. But that could change any time. Often in the days before death, the body starts to shut down, and food and drink will be refused, and at this point, just keeping the mouth moist with swabs is comforting for the person. As long as she wants to eat and drink, keep offering her food. It's a long, very hard road, watching a loved one with this illness. xx
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
0
England
Wait and see is the name of the game.

Can anyone explain to me how I will know when my Mom is at end of life please. She is just a shell now, but eating well. Nothing there at all, even the smile has gone. Thank you.

If she's still eating and drinking it's unlikely to be near the end of the journey, though one never knows. Generally it's only when they lose their ability to swallow permanently that you might be looking at that particular scenario.

My mum is pretty similar, no speech, no mobility, no facial expression, little response of any sort-though The Home sees more than I do.
A year ago I was told mother would not be here in 12 months and they stopped all medication. She was very poorly at that time. Yet here we are this year and generally her health has improved. No infections (uti, pneumonia, cellulitis etc since that time). Sometimes she eats very little and at others eats well.
In fact yesterday they were talking about running some tests to reinstate her heart medication.

As LadyA says It's a long, very hard road, watching a loved one with this illness is so true.
Wait and see- that's the name of the game with this illness.
 

Angie1996

Registered User
May 15, 2016
515
0
Somerset
When my mum died last year, she did not have alzheimers etc, however she stopped eating, it was then only a matter of time. She was on a saline drip for liquids until the end, but it was when she stopped eating, is when she started to slowly slip away, she just did not move and did not speak etc.
 

BR_ANA

Registered User
Jun 27, 2012
1,080
0
Brazil
Wendy. End of life is something that you feel PWD is not coming back. If she were refusing food, or with AB resistant infection, or unable to eat without aspiration pneumonia, then It could be said end of life. However my mum had been there 3 times on last 2 years, and she is still alive and steady. (And had put a lot of weigh on 2 years- from 37kg to 55kg)
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
0
England
Wendy. End of life is something that you feel PWD is not coming back. If she were refusing food, or with AB resistant infection, or unable to eat without aspiration pneumonia, then It could be said end of life. However my mum had been there 3 times on last 2 years, and she is still alive and steady. (And had put a lot of weigh on 2 years- from 37kg to 55kg)

Oh Ana just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Been there a few times myself. One thing dementia seems to do is actually increase their ability to survive.;)
 

tweetypie

Registered User
Mar 16, 2012
37
0
It can come when you least expect it.

My mum had many chest infections over the years and urinary infections - both of these made her quite ill at times - she got better from all of them!

She was on mostly soft foods as she'd pulled most of her own teeth out (I couldn't believe it when she did this!) and then she started having problems with liquids and started coughing a lot, so the nursing home were adding thickning agents to help make swallowing easier and prevent choking.

She then showed signs of a chest infection again and the home rang for a GP visit - when he went he couldn't find any infection on the Wednesday but she wasn't eating and only taking a little to drink.

Nothing else happened and she died in her sleep on the Sunday.

It was a shock to me as I'd seen her get ill so often and this had happened so many times previously that when she went so suddenly it took me a couple of days to actually really believe she had died!

I'm not sad though, just really, really relieved that her suffering is at an end and mine too because it's been hell watching the person I knew completely disappear.

On the Saturday when I last visited her, I thought, when looking at her lying in bed, if I saw that person being wheeled past me in a wheelchair, I would not have recognised her as my mum - she looked so different and a complete stranger. Sounds strange, I know, but that was my experience.

So I would advise that the end can come quickly - so make sure you say things all the time because it could be your last chance, who knows.
 

Wendy C

Registered User
Jan 29, 2012
121
0
West Midlands
Thank you for your response and Im sorry about your Mom. I know how you feel about not being sad. I think I will be relieved, well I know I will. My Mom is not there anymore, just a shell with my Moms face that looks so old. She is only 77 and looks in her 80"s. I know when it happens it will be awful, but the relief will be there that Mom is at peace and no longer suffering. Sending hugs
 

Wendy C

Registered User
Jan 29, 2012
121
0
West Midlands
Thank you all for your comments. The home have more or less said they dong know how Mom is still here, but she has a wonderful appetite. Soup, main course and sweet, all pureed and has to be fed. She can still manage to hold a cup, but cant drink the last drop as does not put her head back. I tell her I love her every time I leave as I never knew if it will be the last time. Hateful disease. :confused: