1. roseg

    roseg Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Hi guys my mum is in the advance stages of ad the docs have told us she is at the end of her life i cant cope. My hearts broke she is only 55 we care for her at home although she is in hospital at min.she has not eaten in 11 days and they have told us her swallow is gone. We dont know what we are supposed to do. They will not intervene with feeding tube so are we supposed to watch her starve to death how long would that even take will she be in pain. Please someone help mewith anawer bwcause im going outa my mind i have three kids and off work thankfully on maternity leave so i dont have work to worry about. How long have we got left? My mums infection has cleared but she cant keep her eyes open for more than a few secs im so stressed out and my sisters r all the same plz help
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Good morning Rose. I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you just now. Your mum is so young.

    I'm sorry I can't help much. I hope someone with more experience of this stage will be along soon to help. Could you and your sisters ask for a meeting with the doctor to ask your questions and get a clear pictire of what's happening?

    Take care.
  3. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Izzy's right, the medics should be able to answer your questions and reassure you that they are doing everything possible to keep her as comfortable as possible. Please try not to think of it as 'starving to death'. My mum also stopped eating and even drinking and I will pass on something that I found helpful at the time: 'she's not dying because she's not eating, she's not eating because she's dying'. It's part of the body's system gradually shutting down that the need for food just disappears. Mum's eyes were also closed most of the time over her last few weeks. But you can still be with her and I'm sure she knows you are there.

    So sad when your mum is so young, it just feels dreadfully wrong. My thoughts are with you.
  4. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    Don't worry about her being in pain, there are drugs to prevent this and other common problems.
    To prevent having to give repeated injections a small syringe driver can be used that delivers a continuous low dosage of medication, all the drugs used are inter-miscible. The basic four medication used can control, pain, nausea, agitation and breathing difficulties but others are available.
    As has been said talk it over with the medical staff, they are sometimes more open if the patient's relative raises the topic of palliative care and end of life.
  5. roseg

    roseg Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Hi guys thank you so so much for your response its a great comfort thinking now my mums not eating cos shes dying rather than the other way round. The doctor has said he will have a meeting with us early nxt week about a plan of action do you think they will take her fluids drip away ? Please prau for my mum that she doesnt suffer and that it diesnt drag on for her i couldnt bear it. Thanks guys again
  6. roseg

    roseg Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    Thank you so much your response has give me a little peace so very grateful x
  7. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    So sorry to hear about your Mum at such a young age too, no advice I am afraid just wanted to send you my best wishes and will pray for a peaceful passing for your Mum and strength for yourself. Take care xx

  8. nicoise

    nicoise Registered User

    Jun 29, 2010
    Dear Roseg,

    I'm am so sorry to read of your poor mum's story - she is so young to be going through this, as are you too.

    Obviously it depends on the situation, but it can also be that if organs are beginning to shut down, being overloaded with fluids via a drip can be the wrong treatment.

    I've put a link here to the General Medical Council's recommendations on Clinically Assisted Nutrition and Hydration during end of life care which you might find helpful:


    Wishing your mum peace, and strength for you to cope x
  9. roseg

    roseg Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    my mum look sad

    Im just back from the hospital and i feel very uneasy. My mum had a different look in her eyes ehen she opened them and looked right at me.whilst wr were sitting theree her lip shook and her eyes filled with tears my hearts broke. She has been mostly sleeping for the whole two weeks in hospital. Het infections almost cleared does she know she dying and shes scared we havent had a rreal reaction like that fir at least a year.what could it mean my poor wee mummy looked so very sad today and i feel terrible about it. I huggef and kissed her and told her she was ok but she looked sad scared is it pain .

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