End of life

Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
In the space of a few days I've been told my dad is at the end of life all his Meds have been stopped by doctor and he only has morphine for pain relief. A week ago he was fine mobile enjoying his meals with fellow residents then Wednesday 29th they thought he had a urine infection and was in some pain he had a couple of falls a few weeks ago but no injuries so doctor was called but she didn't come Thursday she did come but said he was ok Friday she was called again because he was worse she stopped all his Meds and said he was at the end of life and not o try feeding him unless he asked for food just keep him comfortable. I'm devastated how did this happen so soon I'm struggling to come to terms with this yesterday I did feed him fish and peas and ice cream he enjoyed it and drank a little to now morphine has kicked in and nurse give him another drug to settle him so today he sleeps all the time so not eaten or hardly drank. I always thought he would have at least a few happy years in his care home he's been there 10 months had trips out party's it's a lovely place I see him now and cant believe this is so sudden is this the way it happens
Thank you any advice any one else's experiences would be appreciated.
 

Louby65

Registered User
Mar 26, 2014
620
0
Scotland
Hello peppie , I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It was so sudden , so I can only imagine how sad you feel just now . Unfortunately in my line of work I see people’s condition deteriorate so quickly that the poor families have so much difficulty coming to terms with it . Any infection in the elderly can at times be life threatening if severe , and its particularly harmful in people with dementia . As sad as it is , the thing that will bring you comfort is knowing your dad is comfortable and not in any pain and that you are with him . Keep talking to him and make sure that his every comfort is taken care of , like the good daughter that he knows and loves . Be kind to yourself also peppie . Best wishes , Lou
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,447
0
Kent
I`m sorry you are unhappy with the doctor`s decision @Peppie.

I would agree with your doubts if it wasn`t for your dad needing Morphine for pain relief.

Could you discuss your unhappiness with someone at the care home? They will know your dad well after 10 months and hopefully be able to support you.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,693
0
The same thing happened to my Mum. She went into hospital following a fall. Before the fall she was walking unaided and eating & drinking well. To cut a very long story short she ended up being put on morphine for pain, which over-sedated her leaving her unable to eat, drink and mobilise. The consultant refused to stop the morphine until the family intervened - using H&W LPA - and Mum then returned to her usual self and was eating & drinking well again almost as soon as the morphine was stopped. It transpired that the pain was caused by a fall injury which had been missed and an 'assumption' appears to have been made that she was at 'end of life' when the family knew that she wasn't. This was over a year ago and Mum has continued to eat & drink well ever since and is certainly not at 'end of life'.

Sometimes doctors put everything down to 'dementia' when in fact it isn't. You say that 'they thought he had a urine infection'. Did they ever test for this? If he was in pain following a fall it's possible that they missed something - did he go for x-rays? Did he suffer any bruising? We subsequently discovered that my Mum had a fractured spine.

It's possible that there has been a really bad 'downturn' as Louby65 states but it's also possible that the pain is due to a fall injury and it is the morphine which is making your Dad seem like he is at 'end of life', particularly as this has happened so quickly and he was fine just a few days ago.

Has the doctor said what is causing the pain? I think it would be worth speaking to her again and pointing out that your Dad was in pain following falls, and making sure that he has been thoroughly examined in respect of any injuries as not all fall injuries are visible, especially in the case of broken bones or tissue damage.

Edit: Just to add, morphine is a really strong pain reliever. Did your GP try any other types of pain relief first or did she just go straight to morphine? It really should only be used as a 'last resort' when other pain relief has failed.
 
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Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
Hello peppie , I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. It was so sudden , so I can only imagine how sad you feel just now . Unfortunately in my line of work I see people’s condition deteriorate so quickly that the poor families have so much difficulty coming to terms with it . Any infection in the elderly can at times be life threatening if severe , and its particularly harmful in people with dementia . As sad as it is , the thing that will bring you comfort is knowing your dad is comfortable and not in any pain and that you are with him . Keep talking to him and make sure that his every comfort is taken care of , like the good daughter that he knows and loves . Be kind to yourself also peppie . Best wishes , Lou
 

Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
Thank you so much for your replies and kind words it's torture thinking have I questioned enough is ther something else I could be doing the decision seems to have been made with out me but now he is just getting worse and is in terrible pain at times know one can say where the pain is my dad can't that's for sure I feel I've failed him in the end.
 

Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
I don't think you have failed him; you are still there fighting his corner, keeping an eye on things for him.

I don't know why, however much we do, in the end it always feels like we have failed (at least that's how I feel).

Dad got a collar bone break from a fall. There were no obvious signs of injury apart from some small bruising and his complaining of pain. The hospital thought he was ok but eventually did an MRI of his shoulder along with his brain (as he had suddenly deteriorated dementia wise at the time of the fall) and found the break. The doctor said that although there was little to see on his head a fall could injure the brain.

Was your dad in a lot of pain before the fall? Do they know why he had the falls in the first place, was he unsteady?

Hi no he seemed ok even after the falls he had 2 he seemed fine paramedics checked his legs hips etc home also put a memory foam mattress on his bed but he kept sitting on the side of his bed then falling to the floor on his bottom so I told them to take it off and put his ordinary mattress on he never fell any more then last Wednesday he kept rubbing the bottom of his back Thursday he didn't want to get out of bed Friday I'm told he is on end of life all Meds stopped they even said don't try feeding him at the moment he does get in a lot of pain they are putting a syringe driver in today I ask all these question but nurses say this can happen so suddenly he does know I'm there I fed him ice cream yesterday it's so frustrating and unbearable to see him like this.
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,693
0
Have you spoken to the GP to explain the above? If you dad has had a fall, is in pain and his mobility has suddenly reduced then it's possible there is an injury. As previously mentioned, my Mum was the same and they decided it was down to dementia and she was end of life but she wasn't, they just hadn't properly examined her for injuries following the fall.
 

0118sara

New member
Jun 8, 2019
1
0
Hi

Really sad to see all of these posts, my Nan is currently in a home, has been for about 7 years, she has very bad dementia doesn’t know any of us, incontinent, can’t feed herself etc

A few wks ago she had a fall, had paramedics out twice, she was thoroughly checked wilst my mum was with her and no signs that anything was broken, however after 2 wks of getting worse and worse, refusing food, not wanting to be moved out of bed she was sent to the hospital for X-rays and she had a really nasty break in her thigh bone just above the knee, this break happened after just falling a very short didstance off of her armchair.

She ended up needing plates and screws put in during a big operation, we all thought she wouldn’t make it through the surgery and really didn’t want her to die on the operating table without any of her family, but she came out and was doing great(well as great as a 94 year old immobile dementia sufferer can be)

However we are 3 wks after surgery now, she is back at care home, and has a chest I fection, she is on her 3rd lot of antibiotics, we were called wilst away half term to say they thought it was the end but the antibiotics keep bringing her back off the edge, to a wk later have it all happen again.

We all love her so much and find it so hard to see her suffering like this, we are spending as much time with her everyday so she isn’t on her own, she doesn’t know who we are, but we will be with her til the end, what I’m trying to say is your dad posssible does have an injury, because he can’t tell u what hurts, my 3 year old granddaughter understands more than my Nan does.

If you feel this isn’t right make them look more into it.

Please keep this updated xxx
 

Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
Sadly on Friday the 7th my precious dad passed away it's all been to soon and I'm devastated as my previous post said he was taken of his Meds and put on morphine from 31st may he deteriorated over the week and had a syringe driver put in I was by his side all week trying to get him to drink and eat I thought he had more time I thought he would miraculously improve I was with him when he took his last breath. As well as the grief and loss I am tortured by thoughts of did I do enough did I question enough I'm heartbroken.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,652
0
South East
Sadly on Friday the 7th my precious dad passed away it's all been to soon and I'm devastated as my previous post said he was taken of his Meds and put on morphine from 31st may he deteriorated over the week and had a syringe driver put in I was by his side all week trying to get him to drink and
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,652
0
South East
I’m sorry about your dad. please don’t feel guilty , you did everything you could and was there with him. Sending hugs , have very recently lost my dad . Please be kind to yourself .
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
sad news @Peppie
your dad is now at peace

I doubt there's anyone who doesn't wonder if they could have done more or differently ... that's the shock of the loss, though ... you did all you could and stood by your dad throughout
be gentle with yourself, now; allow yourself some peace also
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
@Peppie I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad though that you were with your dad at the end. I know it's hard now but I hope that will be some comfort to you in the days and weeks to come. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Wishing you strength.
 

Peppie

Registered User
Jul 9, 2017
48
0
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts that really does help maybe when I have all the arrangements in place and dad is laid to rest I will be able to reflect and heal in time he has been my life for the last twelve years I miss him so much. I know so many of you are going through the same or recently lost your loved one my heart goes out to each and every one yes we do need to be kinder to ourselves although it's hard when we fight so hard for our dementia loved ones it's a good job there is this talking point to help us through.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
My condolences @Peppie

Please don't allow these feelings of guilt taint your dad's memory. I'm sure you did your very best for him. Sadly there are no winners with dementia and enough never seems to be adequate