end of life symptoms

[sheila d]

I am hoping that someone can help with my question about end of life eating and drinking.

Mum is 86, has had Dementia for the last 3 years as well as being immobile from Arthritis. She has a grade 4 pressure sore and is on a fentanyl 25mcg patch for pain control. In the last 3weeks she has noticeably deteriorated and this week the nursing home has started to leave her in bed for most of the day just turning her regularly. She has lost a significant amount of weight and it is clear that she is dying.

I have read alot about the loss of appetite and the likely survival time from when people stop eating as being around 3 weeks. Does this refer to the complete refusal of food?

The reason for my question is that mum is eating very very little, just a few sips of Ensure and about 15-20 small teaspoons of food at lunch, if I go in myself to feed her, which takes 2 hours. I don't know if am I doing the right thing in trying to get her to eat, as she is really not interested and is very sleepy now.

My brother is planning to visit in 3-4 weeks and I just don't know if mum has that long left - can anyone advise whether there will be any other signs that she only has days left ?

a few questions I know, but I have a hard decision to make about my brother, as he will only visit once ( family problems)

 

[Grannie G]

I doubt anyone will be able to answer your questions Sheila and I`m sorry you have family problems on top of having to watch your mother die.

I have no experience of end of life, so hopefully someone who has may be able to ease your mind a little more.

 

[FifiMo]

Sheila

Your mum seems to have a number of issues all of which may be making her poorly right now. When you say it is clear she is dying - have you spoken to her Dr about this? My view is that you should be asking the questions of the medical profession.

Kind regards

Fiona

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi Sheila,
As Sylvia says everyone is different, in my dads case (cancer), the Drs stated that dads heart was very strong, we spent 10 weekends being told he was not going to last till Monday, all with very little to no food and a little water.

 

[sheila d]

I asked last week and was told that life expectancy is a few weeks ......

 

[thatwoman]

I'd also say that you should ask the doctors. In my Dad's case we were told he was shutting down, but then he started to rally again, and has confounded everyone by eating again after weeks of refusing all food. 6 months after we were told that he would die within days, he is walking and talking again. But he doesn't have Alzheimers, he's got Vascular Dementia, so it's different. Two of the ladies in Dad's nursing home have died fairly suddenly from Alzheimers because they have developed chest infections and gone within 24 hours of starting antibiotics.
It must be very hard to have your brother putting extra worries on you. Get advice, tell him what's been said, then leave it to his conscience. You can't be responsible for him too.
Love Sue x

 

[Amy]

Hiya Sheila,
If your mum is taking small amounts of fluid and nourishment, it could take several weeks for her to die if there are no further complications. My mum recovered from aspirational pneumonia, and my brother decided to take his holiday as the NH said that she could last several weeks on her reduced intake; the day he flew to Egypt mum went down with another bout of pneumonia...no-one can predict the end.

Signs of only days left? Change in breathing pattern; pulse becoming weaker; signs of peripheries closing down (Blueness in hands and feet, coldness), increasing sleepiness.....but these might not happen, if there is a sudden organ failure.

My view would be that it would be better for your brother to visit 'early' and to see his mum and have the opportunity for them both to say their goodbyes, than leave it and he misses that chance.

My thoughts are with you.
Helen

 

[Bristolbelle]

My thoughts....

Firstly you obviously care very deeply for your Mum and she is lucky to have you, look after yoursef at thie difficult time.
Now as for time....I don't think anyone will give you an answer because nobody knows.
When I was in a similar postition with my Dad in that my brother had been estranged for many years I simply rang hime told him I had no idea of the likely timescales but knew we were talking a month or two at most and let hm decide what to do. Unfortuantley he became the doting son came to visit almost everyday and was a complete pain in the backside as he had no appreciateion of how ill dad was and kept trying to chat to him, take him out etc when Dad was on oramorph and only wanted to sleep. Overall it made caring for Dad much harder for Mum (who was early stage AZ) and myself. What I am trying to say is you need to think about the effects on yourself as well as your brother.
Did you Mum ever make it clear what her wishes would be regarding him? Has he got the contact details for the home? Let him ring himself if possible and make his own decision, homes know about family feuds and are very adept at working around them so everyone gets a chance to visit etc if the resident wishes it.
You already have a lot to deal with, maybe you should let your brother deal with his problems himself?
One cautionary word - this might lead to a healing in the rift - but equally it might not, try not to have huge expectations as your grief over you Mum will be enough to deal with without the grief caused by this as well.

Bext wishes at a difficult time, I hope you Mum's journey will be painfree and peaceful.

 

[Izzy]

Sorry I can't help but I wish you strength for the days ahead.