Can anyone offer some advice?
My mother is 89 and has been suffering from vascular dementia for over 10 years. She is in a care home as a residential client. She is still able to walk, sit in a chair and read her paper (or at least turn the pages ) however her speech is poor although she is very capable of communicating her likes, dislikes and any pain she is in and she is on thickened liquids and puréed food due to a weakened swallow now. No meds whatsoever.
Last Wednesday she was admitted to hospital with aspiration pneamonia late at night caused, we think, by vomiting in her sleep.
Since then she has been treated with antibiotics, oxygen and fluids but the hospital have made her nil by mouth due to the risk of further aspiration. It is now 8 days since she has eaten or had a drink. Mum has responded well to the treatment for pneamonia and is bright and communicating well but she is desperate for drink and food. We have been battling for days now to get the doctors to provide a solution to her nutritional needs. They won't feed her and we are only allowed to provide liquids 'at risk'. She will not tolerate a nasogastric tube as she pulls anything out, that she can reach...canulas have to go in her feet and her tolerance of oxygen masks is limited although she does understand when told she needs to leave these alone if she wants to get better.
we have been told today that there is nothing the hospital can do other than make her comfortable and pain free as she is now in end of life care.
How can this be the case for a woman who wants to eat and drink to the point where she is trying to eat the mouth sponges used to clean her mouth and is constantly asking for water. The doctors only ever see her when she is a sleep and see is constantly referred to as unresponsive and bedridden when in fact she is awake, upright and communicating with us for 6 hours plus every day and still reading her paper. The agency nurse caring for her today was horrified by the doctors conclusion and purposely wrote in her notes that mum was cooperative, responsive and able to follow instructions today.
We asked that she be considered for peg feeding but have been told she doesn't meet the criteria. I am under no illusion that the dementia will kill her eventually but how can can I live knowing my mother has effectively starved to death despite her alertness and constant want for food and drink. I am terrified her fluids will be withdrawn tomorrow and I am powerless to stop this. If mum is still fighting to stay alive how can this be acceptable?
So sorry for this diatribe but I'm at my wits end. We are now videoing her to prove she still has a way to go before she is ready to give up.
Is there an advocate or independent person who might review Mums case as it seems her family have little say in this decision and everyday without nutrition means she gets closer to a premature death?