I have tried similar but he always has an answer. His wit is as quick as it has always been and I can't help but laugh sometimes @Sam Luvit and yes I suppose holding it in could cause pain. He is just stubborn when it comes to using the toilet and I can understand that but I had to pull his pants up last night because he couldn't. I suppose it is the last thing that he has got control of. I would feel the same.
We just have to accept that he is bedridden now and there is no coming back from that. I just hope that he doesn't decline further. I was trying to get him to his 90th birthday in April but in truth I wish he would just go in his sleep now. It would be better for everyone especially him.
@Duggies-girl I had to read your thread after your kind kind comments on my own.
At this sad time we're both going through, I have to admit a sly smile when I read that your dad was initially still well enough to get himself up to go bathroom. My dad also had that bit of strength in him, I can recall seeing him be held back by two male nurses as he kept trying to climb over those bedguards despite being ill, so frail and being in neck brace! Where do these brave men get that determination from.
I note from your last post you speaking of his wit. Bless him and bless you, sending you both many hugs xx
Well @myss my brother looked after dad last night and apparently he heard a noise and got up and found dad in the bathroom stark naked having a wee. He had got ther with his frame on his own, that's sheer determination. God knows how he got there because me and my husband struggled to get him there the day before between the two of us.
I am sitting here now watching his new hospital bed inflate the new mattress. It was delivered this morning and really I need to buy him some new sheets etc this afternoon.
When dad was in hospital almost a year ago he had 3 falls in 3 weeks all because he would try to get to the toilet when nobody was looking even though the pneumonia had affected his mobility and he was unable to walk. It's the dementia that is responsible for all of this because he thinks that he is perfectly able to do everything just like he used to and there is no telling him.
Thank you for you lovely kind words during this difficult time for you. I really appreciate it. Bless you too.
Thank you @canary and @DesperateofDevon and everyone for the hugs. Well everything is in place now. Dad has been granted CHC to be reviewed in 3 months which is good. He had the carer team in this morning for the first visit and an assessment which he accepted quite happily and we are going to have 2 carer visits a day of one carer to get him up washed and dressed and the second to get him into bed. I think that is enough for now because I am here all the time anyway.
The carers were lovely and dad was his usual witty self so I feel a lot better about it all now. Dad is now asleep in his chair and will sleep in his new bed tonight.
He is still eating nothing and he was dehydrated last night so I am pushing the fluids at the moment. It's very difficult to know what to give him but I think that fluids are most important at the moment and I can try him with some soup as well and there are always the milkshakes.
Dad is happy and I am happy that he is no longer in his dingy bedroom all the time. It must be better for him to be in the big bedroom with us as he has a window to look out of and we can watch a bit of TV even if he is asleep all the time.
@Duggies-girl - I think you are now at the stage where it is important to offer food and fluid, but do not push it. If he refuses, by all means try again later, but dont stress about it. I think that soon he will not want any food or fluid at all. This is a normal stage as their body is slowly closing down. It is horrible to deal with, though. Every instinct will be to get food and fluid down them - by hook or by crook, but dont do it. Be led by what they want.
Thank you @myss and everyone. We are still here just the same as before with dad getting a bit weaker every day. It's heartbreaking for us all but we are putting a brave face on for dad or trying to at least. The carers (two wonderful girls) are coming twice a day to help get dad out of bed and into his chair and then back to bed in the evening. He still likes to sit in his chair and wear his nice shirt and have his hair looking nice. The carers are very kind and like dad very much. One said that his generation are the best as they rarely complain and are mostly polite and reserved. That describes dad perfectly, a real gentleman.
He has eaten nothing and drinks little, he can't stand on his own and is using the commode now although he produces very little. He was looking for his baccy earlier although he has not smoked for 50 years. The morphine is helping him although he is more confused. He is aware of how he is though because he has asked me a couple of times 'why do they allow people to get into this state'
He sees other people in the room but he says they are not bothering him so we don't worry about them too much. I have just phoned his doctor to order some more morphine. It is hard to watch my dad go like this but his body is still fighting to go on so we just have to.
I know he is going sometime soon so I might not post for a little while because it is very upsetting to write this down. I will come back though.