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End of life, happening too quickly. Is this normal.

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
For Dad morphine made him sleepy - according to the home ! Personally our experience- it was just the way the body shuts down sleeping more. The low dose morphine patch didn’t really cause an increase in sleepiness compared to previous behavioural traits.

Take time to breathe & day yes to all help - you can pare back later if you want to. xx
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,814
For Dad morphine made him sleepy - according to the home ! Personally our experience- it was just the way the body shuts down sleeping more. The low dose morphine patch didn’t really cause an increase in sleepiness compared to previous behavioural traits.

Take time to breathe & day yes to all help - you can pare back later if you want to. xx
Yes dad is sleeping well so it has been a quiet evening. He has eaten very little, just a small drop of soup and a teaspoon of chocolate mousse. He is drinking but only wants his fizzy drink. I have offered him milk shake but he only takes a couple of sips then he says he would rather have his vimto which of course tastes really nice but has nothing in it. I will keep offering but I won't push.

He is as weak as a kitten and I am dreading the next trip to the toilet because it has to be the comode. If dad can't get to the toilet then I will take the toilet to him but he is not going to like it. He doesn't really know where he is at the moment. This is real deja vu back to last March when he came out of hospital and I thought he would last weeks because of his poor physical state. He proved me wrong then but I think this is the final decline although it might take a while. Where do they get their strength from.

He is a real fighter and I am very proud of him but I wish he would just slip away quietly. That's not likely though.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
409
Have no wise words for you Duggies-girl, except to say that I'm thinking of you all and sending hugs x
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
131
Yes dad is sleeping well so it has been a quiet evening. He has eaten very little, just a small drop of soup and a teaspoon of chocolate mousse. He is drinking but only wants his fizzy drink. I have offered him milk shake but he only takes a couple of sips then he says he would rather have his vimto which of course tastes really nice but has nothing in it. I will keep offering but I won't push.

He is as weak as a kitten and I am dreading the next trip to the toilet because it has to be the comode. If dad can't get to the toilet then I will take the toilet to him but he is not going to like it. He doesn't really know where he is at the moment. This is real deja vu back to last March when he came out of hospital and I thought he would last weeks because of his poor physical state. He proved me wrong then but I think this is the final decline although it might take a while. Where do they get their strength from.

He is a real fighter and I am very proud of him but I wish he would just slip away quietly. That's not likely though.
All of us who reply to you understand all too well what you are going through. It is horrendous, you feel you have lost all control over your life. Things that you could cope with suddenly become things you can't cope with. There are some issues that really mark out how our loved one has gone downhill. For me, the loss of mobility ( from someone who had gone up and down stairs till days before her admission to hospital) and to see her so frail as she stopped eating or drinking was heartbreaking. I hope it helps you to know that we are all thinking of you. After mum's death, I got 28 sympathy cards, and they made a big impact on me. You may be going through it and feel alone, but we are all here for you.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,642
Essex
Dear Duggies-girl,

If you can try to relax a little. If possible try to an early night tonight and think f your husband and son.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,268
East Midlands
I understand how a sudden decline is... my mum went from being relatively fine as she could be in her care home, walking on her frame, eating & drinking by herself to suddenly feeling ill & taken to hospital & within 2 weeks declined severely. Stopped eating & drinking much. Had to have a commode. Slept more & on the 3rd week went onto syringe driver meds. She fought for a week barely drinking & eating.
You do pray that the end will come swiftly & peacefully. No one could believe she would last a week but she did. Bless you & sending you hugs xx
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,774
East Sussex
Where do they get their strength from.

He is a real fighter and I am very proud of him but I wish he would just slip away quietly ....
When it got to the point where it was too dangerous for me to try getting mum to the loo, I told her she was going to have to use the commode. She wasn’t happy either, but each time I told her, it was just for now. After a few times, hopefully your dad will accept that’s what he uses now

He gets his strength from you, he is fighting to be here to spare you pain, is what I was told by nurses & hospice nurses.

They told me I had to be brave and tell mum it was ok to go, that I would be fine. She still hung on for weeks, but each time I left the room to get a drink etc, I’d tell her “I love you ... if you want to go have a G&T with dad, I'll understand”

Hardest phrase I’ve ever said and just thinking about it has me tearing up, but it’s what everyone told me I had to say ... so she knew she could go
 
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DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
When it got to the point where it was too dangerous for me to try getting mum to the loo, I told her she was going to have to use the commode. She wasn’t happy either, but each time I told her, it was just for now. After a few times, hopefully your dad will accept that’s what he uses now

He gets his strength from you, he is fighting to be here to spare you pain, is what I was told by nurses & hospice nurses.

They told me I had to be brave and tell mum it was ok to go, that I would be fine. She still hung on for weeks, but each time I left the room to get a drink etc, I’d tell her “I love you ... if you want to go have a G&T with dad, I'll understand”

Hardest phrase I’ve ever said and just thinking about it has me tearing up, but it’s what everyone told me I had to say ... so she knew she could go
telling your loved one it’s ok to let go is hard ........ but I’m glad I had that conversation with Dad.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,814
Thank you all for your wise words and lovely comments. It's amazing, we don't know each other from Adam as they say but the support on here is truly wonderful and I really appreciate it as I know that we all are, will be or have been in the same boat and it is not a great place to be but just coming on here is very uplifting.

Update on dad. Well he has had no more pain and hardly any morphine, I am beginning to wonder if it was some kind of colic or something as my brother said that dad was in extreme pain while we were away but since we have come home he has had very little and that goes when he has had a burp or two so I don't know what to think. He kept me up all Friday night chatting because he didn't know where he was. We had some very odd conversations and I got in bed at 7 am yesterday morning. Last night we all slept like logs and this morning he was fine.

I have cleared his big bedroom (where I sleep) ready for the hospital bed that is coming tomorrow so we will be able to watch TV and look out of the window. I will go and sleep in dads bed but if needed we can sleep in the same room. It will be a busy day tomorrow sorting out suitable bedding for all the beds. I am at my own home tonight for a break and I have not even unpacked my bag yet from being away.

He is eating nothing, a few sips of soup, a milk shake, a mouthful of his scrambled egg but he looks shocking so it is all downhill from here and I realise that. At least he is hydrated as he loves his fizzy drink (thinks it is a nice beer) He is still as happy as Larry and has an answer for everything so we do laugh a lot.

@Sam Luvit we are still fighting over the toilet, still refusing to use the commode or even pee in the bottle that we have been given because that is very difficult apparently so he is holding it in instead but he has got to go sometime, anyway my brother can deal with until tomorrow and perhaps he will have better luck.

I can see this going on for a while but I have a night off so I will make the most of it.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,616
South coast
Thanks for the update @Duggies-girl, I have been thinking of you
This could indeed go on for a while, so enjoy an evening out while you get the chance!
It sounds like you have got most things in hand.
:)
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
975
Thanks for the update @Duggies-girl, as I was thinking of you and your dad today.
{{{hugs}}} to you both. I'm glad your brother is helping out.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,774
East Sussex
[QUOTE="Duggies-girl, post: 1693116, member: 68395]
.....apparently so he is holding it in instead but he has got to go sometime,.....[/QUOTE]
Yes, TP can be the difference between feeling like you are the only person in the world and feeling surrounded by friends you can ask those questions and get sensible answers, or just a hug @Duggies-girl
There is a chance that him holding it in is what is causing his pain
I appealed to mums fears of going back to hospital ... asking what would happen if I dropped her on the way to the loo ... that would mean going to hospital ... is there something like that you could try?
Get some rest whenever you can ;)