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End of Life Advice

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
991
0
I’m sorry for your loss and you must be relieved that she was peaceful at the end. You now need time to mourn your mum and to reflect on your memories of her life, do take time to do this while sorting everything else out.

My mum died on Friday and luckily we were able to be with her at the end as it was very quick. After a phone call at 1.15 pm to say that she was very poorly, I got there at 2.00 pm amd mum died at 3.15. I can’t believe how quick it was, how peaceful as she just slipped away and grateful that she had not needed the pain relief that her doctor had prescribed for her earlier in the week.
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
60
0
I’m sorry for your loss and you must be relieved that she was peaceful at the end. You now need time to mourn your mum and to reflect on your memories of her life, do take time to do this while sorting everything else out.

My mum died on Friday and luckily we were able to be with her at the end as it was very quick. After a phone call at 1.15 pm to say that she was very poorly, I got there at 2.00 pm amd mum died at 3.15. I can’t believe how quick it was, how peaceful as she just slipped away and grateful that she had not needed the pain relief that her doctor had prescribed for her earlier in the week.
@Lynmax, so sorry for your loss too. After lingering for a year, mum too went very quickly at the end without the morphine pump either. Thinking of you.
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
60
0
I collected mum's possessions from the nursing home last week, 3/4 of her clothes are missing, only the tatty ones are left. I've report this but haven't heard back from the home as yet. Mum's wedding ring went missing a few months ago, that really upset me as I wanted her to be wearing it at the funeral, but I am trying not to let it get to me.

There is a backlog at the register offices in South Hampshire, so although mum died on the 1st, I was only able to collect the death certificates on the 18th. However, that has enabled us to proceed with the funeral on the 1st June, and it looks like the sale of her little bungalow will go through on the 31st May. So hopefully in two weeks time we can start to look to the future again.
Thinking of you all who are still coping with their loved ones and experiencing this horrible disease.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
991
0
I’m sorry that your mums clothes and wedding ring have not been returned to you, it must be very upsetting. I have read of some people who have found their loved ones belongings in bin bags dumped in reception for them to collect - awful.

Luckily we were able to go into mums room a few days after she died and pack up her belongings ourself. The care home were very kind and the room was exactly as we left it although they had made the bed and taken out the extra visitors chairs so it looked just like her room.

We did not want any of her clothes other than something for her to wear in the coffin so just left a neat pile of the bed of decent items for the care home to keep, they were very grateful as some of it was new and unused. We then filled a couple of bin bags with the tatty things and only took away her ornaments and pictures. We even left a small Christmas tree with decorations and the suitcases mum had when she moved there, none of us wanted them and to be honest they would have gone to the tip.

Just eight weeks before mum died, we had bought her a very expensive Porter Chair ( a reclining armchair on wheels) to reduce her stress as being moved from bed to chair in her room to wheel chair to dining chair etc. They just popped her in the Porter Chair in the morning then wheeled it to the lounge or even outside. It is rather large and would not fit in a car to get it home if we wanted to resell it so we donated it to the car home for another resident to use. The manager, who was aware what it had cost, was overwhelmed and had tears in her eyes.
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
60
0
I’m sorry that your mums clothes and wedding ring have not been returned to you, it must be very upsetting. I have read of some people who have found their loved ones belongings in bin bags dumped in reception for them to collect - awful.

Luckily we were able to go into mums room a few days after she died and pack up her belongings ourself. The care home were very kind and the room was exactly as we left it although they had made the bed and taken out the extra visitors chairs so it looked just like her room.

We did not want any of her clothes other than something for her to wear in the coffin so just left a neat pile of the bed of decent items for the care home to keep, they were very grateful as some of it was new and unused. We then filled a couple of bin bags with the tatty things and only took away her ornaments and pictures. We even left a small Christmas tree with decorations and the suitcases mum had when she moved there, none of us wanted them and to be honest they would have gone to the tip.

Just eight weeks before mum died, we had bought her a very expensive Porter Chair ( a reclining armchair on wheels) to reduce her stress as being moved from bed to chair in her room to wheel chair to dining chair etc. They just popped her in the Porter Chair in the morning then wheeled it to the lounge or even outside. It is rather large and would not fit in a car to get it home if we wanted to resell it so we donated it to the car home for another resident to use. The manager, who was aware what it had cost, was overwhelmed and had tears in her eyes.
@Lynmax that is precisely what I had wanted to do. That was a lovely gesture to donate her brand new porter chair too, I'm sure the home were thrilled .

I specifically asked to clear mum's room so I could sort her clothes and just pick a nice outfit for her to wear in her coffin, with the remaining clothes being donated to the home. However, they decided to go ahead and pack it all up in a large suitcase so it was just handed to me when I arrived in reception. Initially I thought the 2nd smaller suitcase was missing but they'd packed it inside the larger one. I explained at the time that mum had two suitcases full of clothes and her possessions were in addition to that, but they had managed to fit everything (including the smaller suitcase) inside the large suitcase so it was obvious the vast majority of her clothes were missing. Hey ho, I doubt anything will happen and I mustn't dwell on it, mum's no longer suffering and we're well on the way to having the funeral organised. :)
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
60
0
Hi everyone, I just thought I'd do a final update on mum. Her little bungalow sold a couple of weeks ago and she was buried the day after. It was a very small gathering as she had outlived most of her friends. I had the foresight to take some food bags with me, we catered for 25 at the wake, but only had 10 attend so we all took some of the food home with us. It was a lovely send off for mum, we looked through old photo albums and reminisced. She used to get deer in her garden regularly and there was a deer close by at the cemetery, he was waiting for us to leave so he could munch on all the juicy fresh flowers - mum would have loved that!
Anyway, I've got the probate to sort out when I receive the funds from the solicitors and then we can start to look to the future.
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
366
0
Do you live nearby? It will seem strange to see someone else living there, I should imagine. I love the Deer waiting for you to go, how sweet. I didn't know you could sell a property without getting probate first, I think England has a much better system than Scotland for such things. Quicker, too. Best wishes x
 

Sheelagh7

Registered User
Feb 25, 2022
60
0
Do you live nearby? It will seem strange to see someone else living there, I should imagine. I love the Deer waiting for you to go, how sweet. I didn't know you could sell a property without getting probate first, I think England has a much better system than Scotland for such things. Quicker, too. Best wishes x
The Solicitor had given permission to sell the bungalow last year to pay for mum's nursing home fees when it became obvious that she would never be going back there. There was a delay with completion when she died, I had to re-sign all the paperwork in a different capacity and give the Solicitor an original death certificate. I'm about 30mins drive away from the property and it is at the end of a close, so I'm not likely to see it again. Thanks for asking @DreamsAreReal.
 

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