1. keepittogether

    keepittogether Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    12
    york
    to anyone who is watching thier loved ones suffer alzheimers, How do we the family cope with this helpless and heart renching feeling?
    sue:(
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,875
    Kent
    Hello Sue,

    Welcome to Talking Point.

    The only answer to your question is we cope as best we can.

    The heartache is unbearable at times but we have no option. Those with Alzheimers/Dementia depend on our support and understanding. It`s a tall order, but what`s the option.

    I`m so pleased you`ve found talking point. You will get as much help and support here as you will anywhere. We are all in the same boat, although at different stages, but learn from each other and share experiences.

    Please keep in touch. Perhaps next time you could tell us a bit more about yourself so we can get to know you.

    With love
     
  3. keepittogether

    keepittogether Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    12
    york
    mum

    hi im sat hear crying, i feel so last and empty and i miss mum so much, she is 89 and now is in a mental hospital for her assessment, she hates it there and begs me to take her home every time i see her, mum is the second stages of alzheimers, every time i see her another piece of her disappears, and if that wasnt bad enough i have 2 sisters who no doubt do feel the same but they are more interesed in robbing mum of her bank account, its all just too much for me i feel like im the one whos going mad.
    I have filled out the receivership forms but i still dont know whether i am doing the right thing as there is so much to it all and my family wont like it and im not sure i can cope with them as well go through this with mum?.
    I have a partner and she does her best but most days does not want to talk to me as my coversation is always about my fears and concerns about mum, i can understand that this would get rather boaring for her especially when this horrible desease can last for such a long time, so all in all i feel pretty much on my own with no where to turn.
    I thought loosing my dad at 18 was bad enough, then i lost my eldest sister to breast cancer and now im loosing mum to alzheimers it seems we are all destined for a horrible death, sorry for going on i feel im at rock bottom .
    regards sue ps sorry for spelling its hard to see behind tears
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,875
    Kent
    Oh Sue, you have had so much to cope with. I`m so sorry.

    There always seems to be one in a family who takes the burden and that one seems to be you. You sound in despair, and I`m not surprised.

    Sometimes we cope and cope until something happens that is just too much. You seem to be at that stage now.

    Have you seen your GP. You do need help to get through it and your GP is perhaps the one to go to.

    Have you tried the Alzheimers Helpline. There is always someone there you could speak to. The Samaritans is not only for those thinking about suicide. Thay are there to help people in deep distress, as you are now.

    Don`t let your sisters` behaviour affect you. I know ti`s easier said than done, but you seem to be the one doing all the caring, so you don`t owe them any explanations.

    Pleas try to get some help. I know that`s difficult at weekends, but you sound so upset.

    Keep posting. Don`t worry about your spelling, it`s not important.

    With love
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sue

    You have had so much sadness in your life, it's no wonder you're depressed. I think Sylvia is right, you should ring Samaritans at once. Thay are used to talking to people who feel at the end of their tether, and will be there for you at any time, day or night. They can't take away the problems, but they will help you bear them.

    The same applies to TP. Just keep posting, and someone will answer. Can I suggest that the next time you start a new thread on the Support forum? More people read that, and you will get more answers.

    Beyond that, as Sylvia says, you should ring your GP on Monday and make an appointment. You need help, and there is no shame in that. We all do, inour own ways.

    Keep in touch, we do want to help you.

    Love,
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Sue,
    When you registered with TP, your keyboard automatically became waterproof - so no need to worry; you also developed the ability to read peoples messages, without seeing any spellings.
    How do we cope? One day at a time. We accept that it is going to hurt like hell - we accept that we are going to have times when we will cry and cry, and that is OK. We accept that the person we love is going to change because of the illness but we believe that they are still the same person that we love, despite outward appearances. Cherish any good bits - there are still some there.
    I know when I jioined TP I spent weeks crying when I came on here - partly relief at finding people who understood, and whom I could talk to, partly because it makes you confront what is happening - but there are people here who will support you.
    Love Helen
     
  7. keepittogether

    keepittogether Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    12
    york
    cant stop crying

    thanks i had not thought to visit the docs too busy worrying about mum and stuff i feel so stupid telling the doc all this and i dont want mind numming tablets but i will give it go i will make an appointment on mon thanks to you both sue x
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,875
    Kent
    Dear Sue,

    I`m so sorry you`re so low.

    So often there is one in a family who seems to take the burden of caring. It seems that person is you. You have had so much to contend with, the deaths of you dad and sister and now your mum and Alzheimers, is it any wonder you`re so upset and depressed.

    Have you seen your GP Sue? I think you really need to book an appointment to see what help is available for you.

    During this weekend, when no-one is available, can I suggest you phone either the Alzheimers Society helpline or the Samaritans. The Samaritans are not just for those contemplating suicide, they are there for anyone in despair.

    Don`t let your other sisters affect you with their criticism. You are doing you best. If they don`t like what you do, let them do better.

    Don`t apologize for your spelling.
    Just get some help.
    Keep in touch, you really need friends just now and you have friends on TP

    With love
     
  9. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Good for you, Sue. But don't feel stupid. You need his help just as much as anyone else in the waiting room.

    And don't worry about the tablets. They're not all mind numbing, and they may help you over this bad patch. But if you really don't want them, there are all sorts of other things he can suggest. Just go for it, and good luck.

    Love,
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,875
    Kent
    #10 Grannie G, Mar 3, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2007
    Dear Sue,

    That you haven`t even thought of seeing the doctor shows just how unselfish you are. All your energies have been directed in the care of your mother, leaving nothing left for you.

    You don`t have to take tablets from the doctor if you don`t want them. He may be able to reccommend other ways to help you. Just go. There`s nothing to lose.

    It seems you have posted twice and I have replied twice, to the same post. I looked for my reply, couldn`t find it, was worried, so replied again. That just showed how concerned I am about you. I can see also how you have affected Hazel and Helen.

    Please let us know how you get on.

    With love
     
  11. keepittogether

    keepittogether Registered User

    Mar 3, 2007
    12
    york
    im still hear

    thanks i dont mean for people to worry, my partner says i spread myself to thinly, maybe i do, i find it hard to put my self first let alone my relationship, i promise to see the doc please dont worry, and if there is any thing i can do for you just ask im hear, i will let you all know how i get on and how mum go's on thanks again sue x:)
     

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