Hi, My poor mum died in October last year. She was 81 and had suffered for the majority of her life it seems - she had schizophrenia for a very, very long time, was blind, and then, in 2010, had a stroke and ended up with vascular dementia. The last 7 seven years were the hardest in my life; schizophrenia was a walk in the park compared to dementia. I, along with dad, cared for mum all our lives. My father died in 2010 so I was her sole carer until 2017 when she died (I have no other family). I thought things were intolerable when my dad died; but this is something else. I know this is a common theme but the flat is empty, the carers disappeared, a couple of friends have disappared and, most importantly, my role has gone. I cared for my mum for so long, I feel nothing has meaning anymore. I do whatever I can to fill in the days but it's all just meaningless. Yes, it's early days but does anyone else have similar feelings? I have counselling and this helps as it's the only place I can talk about my beautiful mum in detail. Though mum suffered, she was also happy for most of her life too and I am so thankful for that and thankful that we were able to look after her. A friend suggested I get a dog or foster a child! Both, for me, are not feasible in any way. I cannot just replace my mum with someone or something else to care for. I also do not want to go into care work (another suggestion). I can't make sense of what's happened and I'm upset with mum for leaving me, though I know, of course, that it is not her fault. I couldn't imagine living without mum in my life and now I have no choice.