Empathy/comprehension/compassion NO NO NO!

[jenniferjean]

Yesterday is gone, today is here & tomorrow is yet to come. Let's take it one day at a time.

I try to think like that but tomorrow still frightens me.

 

[dancer12]

I try to think like that but tomorrow still frightens me.

 

[dancer12]

Hi

I try to think like that but tomorrow still frightens me.

Hi jenniferjean:

What I don't like is having to make decisions on my own, we used to talk everything through and now it's only me. It terrifies me that I might make the wrong decision and everything my husband & I worked for can be gone in the blink of an eye.

 

[Linton]

Hi.. That's just how I feel.. Together 60years..married 57..always made decisions together.. So lonely having no one to discuss things with.. Family's great.. but can't burden them with things all the time... Oh well.. Just carry on..

 

[jenniferjean]

What I don't like is having to make decisions on my own, we used to talk everything through and now it's only me. It terrifies me that I might make the wrong decision and everything my husband & I worked for can be gone in the blink of an eye.

Last year I sold our home of 16 years, rented a property for a year while looking for somewhere to buy and eventually this year bought a flat. I've dealt with the estate agents, solicitors, electricity companies, social services, and everyone else I've had to deal with. I too had that fear of making the wrong decision and was terrified. But deal with them I had to. When we had a problem with the electric and lost all power, my husband said "oh never mind, it will be alright". The number of times I've laid awake at night, having had to make a decision about something, and been unable to sleep worrying.

 

[Larker]

Just a few words would be nice!...I suppose that’s all most of us wish for......like everyone else I am hot...exhausted...breathless....and just plain *********! No sleep, whilst OH slept like a log....two loads of washing done...breakfast done...drying and some ironing( only essentials!) shopping delivered and put away...when I sat down and went ‘oh dear’all he said was...’ what’s up with you, moaning again’!
Give me strength not to explode....!

Hello there. I hope you are feeling stronger today. My husband has LBD. Sometimes I cope and at other time I feel very lonely and very frustrated. I am at a low point now. As LBD is intermittent, no one else knows the full extent of the problem. I feel he just isnt with me half the time and that feels so lonely. He breaks things and makes a mess when he tries to wash up etc. Last night I shouted at him and then apologised. We both felt awful. Being a carer is very difficult and also very sad seeing the person you love lose their ability. Keep smiling.

 

[Larker]

Hi.. That's just how I feel.. Together 60years..married 57..always made decisions together.. So lonely having no one to discuss things with.. Family's great.. but can't burden them with things all the time... Oh well.. Just carry on..

I totally agree. The people who know what its like is other carers like us. I also feel lonely when he talks about the "the nice lady who does his ironing or makes his lunch" There is only me here and I get exhausted. At least he calls me a nice lady.

 

[Larker]

I worry about the future too but then remind myself that my friend died suddenly at the age of 48. It reminds me to live for today. Today we are together!

 

[dancer12]

Last year I sold our home of 16 years, rented a property for a year while looking for somewhere to buy and eventually this year bought a flat. I've dealt with the estate agents, solicitors, electricity companies, social services, and everyone else I've had to deal with. I too had that fear of making the wrong decision and was terrified. But deal with them I had to. When we had a problem with the electric and lost all power, my husband said "oh never mind, it will be alright". The number of times I've laid awake at night, having had to make a decision about something, and been unable to sleep worrying.

Hi jenniferjean:

More power to you. Maybe this dementia is trying to tell us we are strong, I relied on my husband to make all the big decisions, we talked it over but when it came right down to it he made the decision, now it's just me and I'm terrified. I hear about so many seniors being taken advantage of. I know when it comes down to it I will be able to do it (just like you did) but it's the getting there that's the scary part. Take care.

 

[Justmary]

Last year I sold our home of 16 years, rented a property for a year while looking for somewhere to buy and eventually this year bought a flat. I've dealt with the estate agents, solicitors, electricity companies, social services, and everyone else I've had to deal with. I too had that fear of making the wrong decision and was terrified. But deal with them I had to. When we had a problem with the electric and lost all power, my husband said "oh never mind, it will be alright". The number of times I've laid awake at night, having had to make a decision about something, and been unable to sleep worrying.

Ha ha my husband also says that. They're both right aren't they? Because we make sure that everything gets fixed, sorted and ends up being alright.

 

[Lawson58]

Last year I sold our home of 16 years, rented a property for a year while looking for somewhere to buy and eventually this year bought a flat. I've dealt with the estate agents, solicitors, electricity companies, social services, and everyone else I've had to deal with. I too had that fear of making the wrong decision and was terrified. But deal with them I had to. When we had a problem with the electric and lost all power, my husband said "oh never mind, it will be alright". The number of times I've laid awake at night, having had to make a decision about something, and been unable to sleep worrying.

And all that tells me is that you should be proud of how strong you are as a person, that you can deal with all this stuff that life throws at you. And that you shouldn't be surprised by that. That is who you have been all this time but it took dementia to show you what a wonderfully strong person you have been hiding all this time. Well done you !

 

[Linton]

I totally agree. The people who know what its like is other carers like us. I also feel lonely when he talks about the "the nice lady who does his ironing or makes his lunch" There is only me here and I get exhausted. At least he calls me a nice lady.

 

[Linton]

Hi that's so the same with me.. I get 'who was that who got me dressed.. or where's the other lady.. Or where is my wife.. The answer would be totally wiped out and exhausted..

 

[jenniferjean]

Hi jenniferjean:

More power to you. Maybe this dementia is trying to tell us we are strong, I relied on my husband to make all the big decisions, we talked it over but when it came right down to it he made the decision, now it's just me and I'm terrified. I hear about so many seniors being taken advantage of. I know when it comes down to it I will be able to do it (just like you did) but it's the getting there that's the scary part. Take care.

We are stronger than we think. If I can do it I'm sure you can. But I agree, it is scary.

 

[jenniferjean]

And all that tells me is that you should be proud of how strong you are as a person, that you can deal with all this stuff that life throws at you. And that you shouldn't be surprised by that. That is who you have been all this time but it took dementia to show you what a wonderfully strong person you have been hiding all this time. Well done you !

I'm not so sure that's been me all the time. I'd love to be able to give up the decision making, or at least have someone to talk it over with.

 

[Roseleigh]

Must be the weather or something but I've had one of those days too. Not helped by the fact that I had a bad night so am less able to deal with it. I think the lack of empathy is one of the worst aspects of this disease. I miss sitting down & talking things through like we always used to. My whole world revolves around my OH and God forbid we don't do what he wants when he wants. If we don't I'll be made to suffer. I feel mentally battered and bruised. It's the endless drudgery of it all & never any thanks but rather being told everything is my fault. Like many others on TP like it or not I am in an abusive relationship. If it wasn't for this horrible disease my OH could be prosecute for the way he treats me. I know it's not his fault and my pre dementia husband would be horrified by it but it doesn't make it any easier. Still tomorrow is another day & I can only hope it's better than today.

You shouldn't have to put up with abuse LittleBear. Is it time to think about a care home? At the very least respite care if the cost of long term care is too frightening.

 

[dancer12]

Must be the weather or something but I've had one of those days too. Not helped by the fact that I had a bad night so am less able to deal with it. I think the lack of empathy is one of the worst aspects of this disease. I miss sitting down & talking things through like we always used to. My whole world revolves around my OH and God forbid we don't do what he wants when he wants. If we don't I'll be made to suffer. I feel mentally battered and bruised. It's the endless drudgery of it all & never any thanks but rather being told everything is my fault. Like many others on TP like it or not I am in an abusive relationship. If it wasn't for this horrible disease my OH could be prosecute for the way he treats me. I know it's not his fault and my pre dementia husband would be horrified by it but it doesn't make it any easier. Still tomorrow is another day & I can only hope it's better than today.

Hi littlebear:

You have a good attitude but nobody should have to put up with the abuse we carers go through. I think we only put up with it because we keep seeing them as they once were and not how they are now, otherwise we wouldn't put with any of it (like you mentioned). The other day I made dinner for my husband, he said it looked like S___. But once he tasted it and it was good did he say anything nice about the taste, NOT A CHANCE. Like you said tomorrow is another day.

 

[PJ]

I hope you’ve all had a better day. Please remember you are all doing the best you can for your loved ones

 

[Linton]

I hope you’ve all had a better day. Please remember you are all doing the best you can for your loved ones

 

[Linton]

Hi.. Thanks for the support.. Much better day yesterday.. And not up till 5 this morning... After a few really bad days.. With lack of sleep and bad back.. So glad to have a good day and OH so much better.. Thank god for a bit of relief xx