Emotionally banged up!

[Gwyneth]

Rotten week and feel really down, which I know I will recover from but....! With my husband's blessing a friend and I popped over to Brittany for a 30 hour gourmet cruise. Took the car and pottered happily before returning so only away overnight. He was fine and had missed me. House all good. My friend in a similar situation and we had fun and a much needed break. This week I had a big event to organise at a ladies lunch I have been going to for years. My husband helped Monday night with collecting things for it and loading the car. I went out Tuesday night for an hour to help set up tables. Was out yesterday from 9-4. All details left for him. Rang him late morning and he spoke with another friend who was there. Event was great and I was pleased with the day. Got home to glum silence, no offer of a cuppa which he usually does, then a major flare up accusing me of never allowing him the car, and being off with another man again, how he sees the car parked up in a corner of town by an office where he thinks I go. We live in town and never use the car locally. Where it has come from beats me but it hurts very much and runs me down. He ignored me even though I sorted his supper out, then kissed me as if nothing had happened and went out to a Lions meeting. Came in, didn't speak and hasn't spoken this morning.
Just feel so low with these accusations and mood swings. Any thoughts from others who have been there, much appreciated. I will buck up soon. We have been doing so well recently despite non existent memory. Sorry to moan! Gwyneth

 

[Ottoman68]

These days, the maximum amount of time I can be away from my husband is three hours during the afternoon. If I am away longer, I find him gazing anxiously out of the bay window at the front of the house. Even though I will have written down where I am going, he forgets to look at the paper and starts imaging the worst. I hate to see him so upset and make sure I'm back before this reaction sets in.

 

[Gwyneth]

Thanks for his. I believe you are right. Just another sign of having to adjust and reduce my own life to include him more.

 

[Sue J]

Gwyneth am sorry your much needed day away ended in this way.

I know when I am in a bad phase, am not myself I think things which are alien to me and can't control much at all, I can think things similar to what you describe your husband has expressed, different in that I am single but toward members of may family or sometimes friends. I hate being alone at those times as it is frightening but I also want to be alone because I am so not myself. At these times I have no idea of what/where my family/friends are and it would make little sense to me even if someone tried to reassure me during that time. I witness and experience the same with fellow sufferer I care for. I try to talk to her as much as possible if I am not going to be in contact or if I go away, when planning the trip etc. then on my return tell her about it relating part of the story directly to what we discussed before I went. This has helped in the past.

The 'unreal' bits - the nastiness, accusations etc. are unreal to her as they are to me when I experience the same as my own mind is not present during that time, hence the response as if nothing untoward has happened , in my reality nothing untoward has happened because for that time I am taken out of my reality and I do know I would rather be well enough to go and be with my family where they are than stuck experiencing these horrible things. Your husband am sure doesn't resent your time away but probably resents dementia very much robbing him of being able to spend time with you.

Don't know if anything makes sense - but kick those dementia demons out the door.