1. Gwyneth

    Gwyneth Registered User

    Nov 25, 2015
    I was struck by an article in our regional newspaper this morning from the AS, urging family and friends to spend as much time with their relative or friend even though the person with dementia may not recognise them or contribute very much in conversation. Sadly, it would appear that 39 per cent did not see any point as the dementia sufferer would not benefit. In other words, 'what's the point?' A second survey revealed that 64 per cent of people with dementia feel isolated and excluded. One carer said that while her husband might come across in an unresponsive way when they share a meal with friends or go out, her husband is usually in good spirits afterwards and says how much he enjoys it. I connect with this as my husband often tries to wriggle out of events, dinners, lunches, social activities where there might be some pressure on him, but during and afterwards he is perky and has enjoyed it. It is because while the actual memory fails, the emotional memory remains in a sense of well being, happiness, comfort, feeling valued etc. My husband still absolutely loves the theatre, cinema, concerts, singing from choirs etc and is very moved or laughs if it amusing. Yet he may not be able to tell someone else what show he has been to! Interesting point and it reinforced my determination to keep us going out as much as possible and remain involved.
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    I would totally agree. John clearly benefits from his day centres and their activities but can never tell me what he actually did. The Same is true of our singing groups etc. He is always in a happy frame of mind even if the details elude him by the time we get home.

    On days when I am less than delightful company I worry that will affect him badly but I think this is balanced by the fact that I do look after his well being and so he has a general feeling of all being well. Hope so.
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    #3 jaymor, Jan 12, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2016
    It is always good to remember this and it can happen in reverse. If you give someone with dementia bad news they may well forget in minutes the bad news but the emotion they felt will stay with them. Then they are upset but don't know why they are upset and it can escalate into anxiety and aggression.

    So good to hear of a good experience.
  4. Gwyneth

    Gwyneth Registered User

    Nov 25, 2015
    Hi Marion, my husband does not go to the centres though there are a couple around here, as he is still somewhat 'independent' and tends to go down to the church coffee shop for a natter and coffee where everyone knows him. It is a bit of a haven for lots of people but without activities. I still work a day and a half as a receptionist in a wellbeing centre where we have a lot of elderly with dementia who come in for treatment. My husband knows where I am, pops in and usually remembers to buy me a sandwich or comes down to meet me and walk me home at end of shift! I would love him to join a choir but our choir clashes with him playing euchre in a league each week. This memory issue is strange as a friend who has a husband with dementia sings with the choir and can remember every word of every song, but not know the day of the week! My husband must remember the cards in euchre otherwise he would be kicked off the team unless they are being kind!!!
    I agree with you so much that it is the way we plan and handle everything that is the key to their well being. When I am low, quite often sometimes, there can be a huge spin off in my husband being moody grumpy and argumentative! So no pressure on us then!!!!! Keep smiling!
  5. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    It's funny you should say that jaymor. My OH can't follow the news any more, so I rarely have it on as the sadness and the unfairness just confuses her without ever understanding what's happening.
    On the other hand, while days out are usually forgotten she will remember the folk musician in the park at Sidmouth if i remind her and will instantly react to someone like Placido Domingo, even if she can't remember the concert of his I have played a dozen times or remember him as anything other than a young man.

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