EMI for Dad that's still a bit "with it"

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by clarison, Feb 28, 2011.

  1. clarison

    clarison Registered User

    May 26, 2008
    Well, my Dad (83 in moderate stages of AZ) was asked to leave his Nursing Home last week due to aggressive outbursts during the night time wanderings that they were unable to manage.

    I seem to have been turned down by every residential home in the area due to Dad's aggressive night-time antics (I think he was probably not handled well at night when he was doped up to try to help him to sleep, but that's another story), and all professionals suggested I look for a placement in an EMI Unit.

    Took Dad to new home today... £8700 poorer (he's self funding), and it was quite an overwhelming experience... lots of wanderers at the new home and lots of ramblers and grabby clingy people that really freaked Dad (and frankly me) out... I'm not sure what to do... I guess if Dad were further along in the disease it would not matter, but he is still very with it during the day and I worry about how he will cope. I realise it is early days, but just wondered whether there was anything in-between residential and EMI. It seems to be all or nothing and the people that are in between must find it all so daunting.

    We lost my Mum in October, so poor Dad has suffered a major bereavement (after 54 yrs of marriage) and now TWO major moves in the last 4 months. If I were him, I would be addled too.

    We'll see what happens - he was checking out all the emergency exits earlier. Just about to phone now to see how it's all going. Any suggestions as to how to cope (me and him) welcome...:(
  2. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    New faces?

    I suppose some of the EMI residents will react like that to new faces and will probably get used to your Dad and he to them. If he gets friendly with the more 'with it' residents the ramblers may either leave him alone or ask him to organise the escape committee (he's obviously thinking that one over). Also it depends what time of day it was as the ramblers may be more settled in the morning and get restless later. Sorry to hear you were freaked out - I think anyone would be if they got grabbed as you don't know the person and what they might do next. Your Dad obviously felt the same way. I hope that he will soon not be the 'new boy' and will settle. Love, Katrine x
  3. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    The Sweet North
    This is something that we felt when both my late mum (2004) and then my dad (2010) went into care homes.
    It would be difficult to provide the different levels of care so that people were segregated until they got worse (imagine how relatives would feel when it came time to 'relegate' their loved one) so it is inevitable that there will always be individuals entering a home who are not as far down the road as others.
    In both my parents' cases, they chatted more to the carers than to other residents, simply because they got more of a conversation that way. Dad does talk to other residents sometimes, but he regards them as 'quite poorly' compared to him, and doesn't take kindly to the ones who enter his room.
    It's understandable that residential care would not be suitable for someone who was aggressive and wandering during the night, but hopefully your dad will settle here and receive care and treatment that will help him sleep through the night.
    My own dad now sleeps through, and for longer, but is in no way over-medicated to achieve this.
    Hope all goes well.
  4. susiewoo

    susiewoo Registered User

    Oct 28, 2006
    Bromley Kent
    I had to move my Mum as the home couldn't cope with her agression. She started on a drug Memantine and has settled. The new home has much more space for her to walk and she is a constant walker so thats good.
    Mum is much further down the road but there are lots of other residents much worse than her with some physically unable to get around.
    Initially I found this quite disturbing and thought Mum would react but she doesn't seem to notice. She talks to the staff and they respond well to her.
    I guess no where is going to be ideal and it is hard to adjust our expectations for our loved ones. I miss the intimate surroundings of her old home but try to focus on the positives in the new one. Her greatest joy is to watch the traffic and people passing by her window.
    She never had this in her old home and I see her pleasure and it makes it easier to bear having her live in there at all.
  5. Lulu

    Lulu Registered User

    Nov 28, 2004
    Whilst my mother is still living with us, we do use a local Home for respite care. It's a Home registered to take dementia patients, and I don't think I shall ever get used to having to leave Mum there for her 'holidays' since most other residents seem a lot further on in their dementia. However, Mum's dementia is also progressing and I don't feel quite as bad as I used to.

    Mum still has awareness despite being very impaired, but I am advised that seeing her among other, more advanced patients is probably more of a problem for me than it is for Mum. Staff say she has been fine after her stays, and Mum looks well cared for. Despite my feeling uncomfortable, especially in the beginning, I wanted her to get used to going to the same Home if possible to allow a relationship to build up should she ever need permanent care

    I have looked at numerous Homes over the years, trying to find that perfect one for the stage you describe, but have yet to find it. I do hope your Dad settles down, and wanted you to know that I feel for you.
  6. wispa

    wispa Registered User

    Nov 5, 2009
    Whilst visiting homes for my 'quite with it' Mum, who is in the moderate stages of dementia, I found that the homes varied in their range of residents, after noticing this I actively looked for a home that appeared to have some residents roughly at my Mum's stage so that she would have people to chat to.

    The home I chose is what was called EMI residential as oppossed to EMI Nursing....the residents are mostly at a similar stage (some better, some worse) to my Mum.

    I am guessing that EMI residential homes must go through waves.....i.e. residents that have been with them some years progress through their dementia and move onto nursing care and then it presumably starts again, therefore it is worthwhile trying to pick a 'home' that is at the right 'stage in the wave' for your Dad (If that makes sense!)

    Try not to judge on just the one or two homes you may have visited....I visited about 15 homes ...they all varied greatly...from one where we never even got in the door :eek: (immediately struck off the list!), through to the home my Mum is in now which I am very happy with. I saw such a diverse range of residents, staff and types of home it was unbelievable....some of which I wouldn't even leave my dog in :(.

    I hope you find something more suitable soon.


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