1. CJK

    CJK Registered User

    Mar 28, 2008
    14
    liverpool
    Sorry I added this to a thread instead of starting a new one so have started again.
    Hi my mum is is an EMI care home, she has had alzheimers/dementia for quite a few years now (the doctors think it is dementia with lewis bodies) Mum was deteriating quite fast before before we put her into the care home but either she seems to have got a lot worse since being there or because we are not with her every day we are noticing thing more, she also gets quite angry with staff at the home refusing point blank to do things such as washing or getting dressed. On a good day when I visit her I talk to her about the old days when she was young and she can remember bits, on bad days I just feel like going home when she is being horrible to everyone and insisting the staff are trying to kill her by poisioning her food (they all seem really nice to me). Just wondered if anyone else has parents in care homes who have problems.
     
  2. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    716
    Hi CJK

    Mum went into an EMI home in 2006. By mid 2007 she had become uncooperative and did things she would never have done before like swear and hit out and shout especially in the night. The doctor put her on medication to calm her down. By early 2008 it was decided to take her off the medication because she seems to have passed that stage and she now sits silently in her chair all day with little or no communication.

    Best wishes

    Clive
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi CJK

    My husband John is in an EMI unit. He has no behavioural problems, but some of the others have.

    The staff are marvellous with them. They don't use anti-psychotics at all, but usually manage to calm them down, either by talking gently, or by walking away.

    Some of them refuse to be washed or dressed in the morning, and again they just walk away, and go back later.

    If your mum is aggressive to you when you visit, I think you should just tell her calmly that you are leaving, and go. The staff are trained to deal with problems, and you don't have to accept aggression.

    I know it's hard when it's your mum, and I hope you have plenty more pleasant visits.

    All the best,
     
  4. jane@hotmail

    jane@hotmail Registered User

    Mar 13, 2008
    49
    Bedfordshire
    If it's any consolation , my mum is like that and she's still in her own home! I think it's just a stage some suffers go through. Mum is very unco-operative,. She refuses to wash and when we manage to get her near water she tells me I'm killing her and every one hates her. She used to tell me that I'd taken her house and money, but shes getting over that one now. Today she called me a liar and told me I'd been off with some man!!!!! if I had half a chance............
     
  5. CJK

    CJK Registered User

    Mar 28, 2008
    14
    liverpool
    Before my mum went into care she used to accuse my sister of having a boyfriend who was spending all her money and stealing stuff from her. We had no idea where this came from but she was paranoid about nearly everyone, she dosen't mention it now but is still worried about money and thinks that she won't have enough money to pay for the hotel (care home) and will be thrown out they have to reassure her at every meal that the money has been paid. The staff are very good cos she is so stubborn about things.
     
  6. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    716
    There have been several threads about money worries.

    Many of our loved ones seem to become obsessed about money.

    Before she went into the Home my mum spent the whole week worrying that she would not have enough money to pay the milk man. She would take out her purse and count the money (even though she might have done it only a minute before). If she had less than £30 she got depressed saying over and over again that the milk man would come and he would tell everyone she was broke. But if she had more than £60 she got very anxious shouting that burglars would come… and that I didn’t understand what it was like living in her area nowadays.
     
  7. Lotti

    Lotti Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    52
    My mum went into a EMI home for respite in November last and is still there. (Dad has health problems of his own and I have a child with epilepsy and special needs) Mum refuses medication and will not be bathed regularly, she has been known to hit out at the staff and is agitated and aggressive. Mum in her younger years was always stubborn but never nasty tempered, it is hard to see them like that now. I would spend more time with mum if she was happy to see me (although most of the time now I am not her daughter - but she does know she knows me ??) and I could leave without her wanting to 'come with me'. Some of the other residents wave goodbye to their loved ones, it makes me so envious that I cannot do that but have to have some reason to leave in a hurry when the time comes.

    Regards
    Lotti
     

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