Embarrassing outbursts

[ZoeW28]

Hi. I am hoping for some advice on how to avoid embarrassment over my dad's behaviour. He often is inappropriate in social situations which causes my mum and I extreme embarrassment. Although he's been diagnosed with quite mild Alzheimer’s his behaviour is often extremely irrational. He either makes inappropriate comments about women/children or has aggressive and offensive outbursts at my mum or I. For example we have decorators in the house at the moment and he offered me a cake which I politely declined and was left with him shouting and rambling about how rude I was being. I apologised to the decorators after he left but I’m worried about how much worse this is going to get. We are getting to a point where we are choosing not to put ourselves in a situations where this could happen by making excuses when invited to social gatherings. Has anybody got any experience with how best to deal with this?

 

[karaokePete]

I have somewhat similar experience with my wife and, whilst I know there are little cards that can be bought in the on-line shop, I just pre-empt everything by forewarning everyone we come across on a regular basis.

I have found that people are understanding if you tell them about the diagnosis.

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi. I am hoping for some advice on how to avoid embarrassment over my dad's behaviour. He often is inappropriate in social situations which causes my mum and I extreme embarrassment. Although he's been diagnosed with quite mild Alzheimer’s his behaviour is often extremely irrational. He either makes inappropriate comments about women/children or has aggressive and offensive outbursts at my mum or I. For example we have decorators in the house at the moment and he offered me a cake which I politely declined and was left with him shouting and rambling about how rude I was being. I apologised to the decorators after he left but I’m worried about how much worse this is going to get. We are getting to a point where we are choosing not to put ourselves in a situations where this could happen by making excuses when invited to social gatherings. Has anybody got any experience with how best to deal with this?

Dear Zoe,

I took dad out of the care home to one of his appointments and everything went well until we had to stand in a queue at the receptionists desks to make another appointment. It was nearly lunchtime and the surgery was very busy with one patient arguing with receptionist and I felt that something could happen. Anyway people couldn't get past dad so I had to nudge him forward at this point he told the lady who was arguing with the receptionist:

"come on you've had your go now go!"

I tried to calm dad down and the receptionist went very quiet but lo and behold another one called us over so I pushed dad in her direction and whispered "Alzheimers" to the other patient who disappeared very quickly. We got back to the care home in time for lunch and I explained what had happened to the rather amused manageress!

The next day I apologised to the surgery but I think they were relieved to get rid of the other patient!

MaNaAk

 

[lemonbalm]

It's mortifying isn't it @ZoeW28 We feel so embarrassed for the person, sad that they have lost that self control and want to protect them but also fear the reactions of others who don't understand. I remember being very relieved when a muscular chap wearing an "Old Guys Rule" tee shirt didn't react when mum shouted "no they ****** don't" at him. I was wondering if I could out-run him whilst pushing a wheelchair.... There are worse stories but I can't quite bring myself to tell them!

I still find it odd that not everyone understands that some people with some conditions just can't control what they do or say sometimes. Perhaps schools need to do more in the way of education and we'll get there. That's a campaign in the making.

I think perhaps we often graduate towards doing things like taking a flask of tea or coffee to have out in the open rather than going into cafes to save embarrassment all round. It's sad but helps to preserve the dignity of the person which is always important. As @karaokePete says, people you know can be forewarned and most will be understanding. Anyone who isn't can be crossed off the friends list.

If you type in "embarrassing behaviour" into the search bar, you may get some useful tips. You'll certainly know that you're not alone.

 

[MaNaAk]

It's mortifying isn't it @ZoeW28 We feel so embarrassed for the person, sad that they have lost that self control and want to protect them but also fear the reactions of others who don't understand. I remember being very relieved when a muscular chap wearing an "Old Guys Rule" tee shirt didn't react when mum shouted "no they ****** don't" at him. I was wondering if I could out-run him whilst pushing a wheelchair.... There are worse stories but I can't quite bring myself to tell them!

I still find it odd that not everyone understands that some people with some conditions just can't control what they do or say sometimes. Perhaps schools need to do more in the way of education and we'll get there. That's a campaign in the making.

I think perhaps we often graduate towards doing things like taking a flask of tea or coffee to have out in the open rather than going into cafes to save embarrassment all round. It's sad but helps to preserve the dignity of the person which is always important. As @karaokePete says, people you know can be forewarned and most will be understanding. Anyone who isn't can be crossed off the friends list.

If you type in "embarrassing behaviour" into the search bar, you may get some useful tips. You'll certainly know that you're not alone.

Well I used to take to his favourite cafe for lunch and luckily they understood that it was not really him saying this is disgusting!

MaNaAk

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Mum wears a daffodil lanyard as she's unable to tolerate a mask. I've found this really helps people to understand that she has a problem.