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Embarrassing behaviour

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Chook, Apr 22, 2015.

  1. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    238
    Westcountry
    Mum went into a care home in December and I visit 3 times a week. She seems to have reverted back to being a child and I'm finding it really difficult to deal with. She blows raspberries, burps, giggles, talks about people (loudly!) and repeats things from cartoons constantly. She wants to giggle and laugh with me which is really sweet and I'm glad she's happy but I don't feel like laughing and joking. I'm heartbroken and want to spend time with mum as she was. I know that's not possible now.

    There are only a couple of people with dementia at the home and I find it so embarrassing when we're around the other residents. I'm not enjoying mum's company at all at the moment, I wish I could just get over it.

    Anyone else had experience of this?

    chook
    x
     
  2. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,983
    Toronto, Canada
    It is so difficult, isn't it? My embarrassments were more to do with Mum's agitation and violence in the nursing home. While we were taking her out to restaurants, garden centres etc she was generally fine unless she got tired.

    I understand why you get embarrassed but really and truly you shouldn't, especially not at the care home. You say there are only a couple of people with dementia at the care home but i wouldn't be surprised if there were more than that. Often people present really well when someone new is around. i know my mother always did.

    What it comes down to is that you are missing your mother, the mother you grew up with. We all miss our loved ones. I remember very early on, I sat on the curb (kerb) in the parking lot of my employment and cried to a friend that I wanted my mother back. We endure but it is always there.
     
  3. DivingDavey

    DivingDavey Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    32
    Solihull
    Do try not to be embarrassed, your mum is ill and that is nothing to be embarrassed about. I don't have any experience of this and thankfully neither do I have any experience of my mother being aggressive, upset or depressed and I'm very grateful for that.

    As Canadian Joanne says we all miss our loved ones and wish that they could be as they once were.

    If your mum is laughing that must be better than feeling frightened and being aggressive.
     
  4. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    238
    Westcountry
    You're absolutely right. I'm just going to have to swallow it down and try to enjoy this time with Mum. It's so true that I would find it much harder if she was upset or aggressive. It just makes me cringe when she's saying things about others or things that aren't acceptable these days.

    Thanks for your reply.
     
  5. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    I understand you. I used to think about my mom as a kid. Funny and happy but without behaviour control. I used to change her focus to other thing. Instead of talking about people on room, talk about people on a magazine. Instead raspberry, I invited to make soap bubbles.
     
  6. Not so Rosy

    Not so Rosy Registered User

    Nov 30, 2013
    580
    I think as Dementia progresses the normal polite social filters disappear.

    Mum used to come out with language and phrases I never even dreamt she knew.

    She used to tell all and sundry visitors that when visiting time was over on her ward, the elderly female residents got dressed up as hussies and went out as ladies of the night. She said one elderly lady used to wait till there was a male carer on duty before asking to be taken to the loo. The phrase Knee Wobbler was used :eek

    Burping and farting also became acceptable as was saying look at the size of her, usually aimed as nurses. I have to admit initially I was mortified but eventually used to collapse into giggles as me laughing also made her laugh for Britain.
     
  7. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Mum used racist language which she thought was normal (probably was 60 years ago) and I would want to crawl into a corner.
     
  8. Smile99

    Smile99 Registered User

    Apr 28, 2015
    2
    London SE
    I can relate to this

    My mum was admitted to hospital and told the nurses she couldnt do anything, walk, toilet, feed herself ect, whilst the nurse was writing up mums notes she climbed over the top of the bed rails and started running around the ward. I came in to find her running around and poking her tongue out at other patients.
    Seemed she had reverted into a young child, was misbehaving and generally being rude.
    She wouldnt listen to the nurses and i had to be stern with her to get her to listen.
    She also speaks very loudly about other patients and staff,and have found myself on many occasions feeling embaressed by her behaviour, but just point out now that its the dementia and she means no harm by what she is saying.

    It does seem odd to me though, you always hear of the older generation being well behaved and always being polite and having good manners so where does this outburst of unusual behaviour come from? :confused:
     
  9. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    #9 kingybell, May 5, 2015
    Last edited: May 5, 2015
    We get this childish behaviour from my mil. She only looks about 45yrs old so people think she's odd and would never suspect dementia.
    I am constantly explaining why and apologising to women with bright red hair why she 'hates' that colour.

    Why she points out people who she thinks are 'fat' and picking up children in her arms because she loves them and wants to save every child on the planet ( she suffered abuse as a child).

    She tells people they shouldn't smoke or shout at their kids. She uses racist language to describe people ( not intended to be racist).
    I just take it in my stride and thank god she can still speak and walk around as I fear the embarrassment is the nice bit.
     

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