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EM I care home keep ringing to say they can't settle mum

Tealy

New member
Nov 6, 2019
4
Mum was diagnosed 3 years ago with Alzheimer's and in Aug this year we made the heart breaking decision to place her in the right home for Dementia after my dad who is 86 was ill and couldn't cope anymore .The first 4 weeks were brill.she was like a changed lady.However recently she had become agitated and asking to come home when we visit.The home has started calling us nearly every other evening to come and settle her.She has become aggressive with the staff so a doctor has put her on new meds.one a day in 2 halves.they seemed to be working after a week but now they ringing us all the time.i am at my wits end and becoming I'll myself as we thought they would know what to do as we don't.Please advise as they have suggested if she doesn't settle they will ring the police to take her to a and e to be sectioned
 

Splashing About

Registered User
Oct 20, 2019
434
How horrible for you.
Do you have a social worker who can help you find a home more suited to her? I have no experience of this so am only offering what I might try. I’d go through adult social care and ask for her to be assessed urgently. In the meantime I would go in and explore what is triggering this behaviour to see if the home can’t adjust until an alternative is found.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,596
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Tealy

A good EMI home should be able to cope with most behaviour. It’s a shame your mum has become unsettled. I suspect that the place your mum is in is not as dementia experienced as it could be so hopefully you will be able to find somewhere more suitable so as @Splashing About has said call adult social care or your mums social worker if she has one and explain the situation to them, emphasising that it is urgent. They should be able to help you find somewhere more suitable.

My dad was occasionally aggressive toward the staff in his carehome but they knew how to deal with it (and step back if necessary until he was in a better mood). You should not be called upon to settle your mum. I was informed after the event but never asked to intervene if dad became stroppy.

Your mum’s doctor may be able to prescribe an alternative medication if the first one doesn’t suit her that could possibly work better. It’s also worth checking if your mum has an infection if this behaviour.

Regarding the threat of sectioning, my dad was sectioned and in helped me to get the help that he needed so it’s not a particularly dire threat - although I am unimpressed with the threat of leaving your mum at A&E. I’m not sure that the home would be legally able to do this as they have taken on a “duty of care” towards your mum by accepting her as a resident and should be helping you to find a new home for her that can meet her needs. Maybe someone else can clarify this?
I’d be looking for somewhere else anyway if this is the reaction when things get bumpy.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,556
N Ireland
Hello @Tealy and welcome from me too.

If you need to clarify any of the advice that you get this evening it may be worth talking to the experts on the helpline as they are very good. The details are


National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
 

Tealy

New member
Nov 6, 2019
4
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Tealy

A good EMI home should be able to cope with most behaviour. It’s a shame your mum has become unsettled. I suspect that the place your mum is in is not as dementia experienced as it could be so hopefully you will be able to find somewhere more suitable so as @Splashing About has said call adult social care or your mums social worker if she has one and explain the situation to them, emphasising that it is urgent. They should be able to help you find somewhere more suitable.

My dad was occasionally aggressive toward the staff in his carehome but they knew how to deal with it (and step back if necessary until he was in a better mood). You should not be called upon to settle your mum. I was informed after the event but never asked to intervene if dad became stroppy.

Your mum’s doctor may be able to prescribe an alternative medication if the first one doesn’t suit her that could possibly work better. It’s also worth checking if your mum has an infection if this behaviour.

Regarding the threat of sectioning, my dad was sectioned and in helped me to get the help that he needed so it’s not a particularly dire threat - although I am unimpressed with the threat of leaving your mum at A&E. I’m not sure that the home would be legally able to do this as they have taken on a “duty of care” towards your mum by accepting her as a resident and should be helping you to find a new home for her that can meet her needs. Maybe someone else can clarify this?
I’d be looking for somewhere else anyway if this is the reaction when things get bumpy.
Hi
Things came to a head yesterday when at 4pm they rang again and said I would have to take to a and e as they couldn't calm her.i took advice from Admiral who have me a social care expert.She said no way.she rang home and said it was their care responsibility to get crisis help which they said they had tried or they ring for ambulance.
I went to home .mum was calm.i went with her to a and e.was the worst 6 hours of my life.
The only good thing she had loads of tests which were all clear.they said she didn't have a physical medical emergency so was no beds.
Care home had initially refused having her back.i was distraught.no one wanted mum.
She was very tired by midnight.eventually they got her a bed in a and e assessment ward where I left her.they said a mental health nurse would see her ti day.
The social worker has sorted a CPN nurse to visit her back in the home today.They arranged transport. They have upped her meds to 4x a day.
I have been advised that it shouldn't have happened and if care home can't or won't have mum dumping in hospital is not the answer.may need to look for better care.thanks for advice
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,596
Nottinghamshire
What an awful experience for both of you @Tealy .

I think you’ve right, it’s time to find a better care home. When you go to see any potential new places ask them what sort of behaviour they will not accept and also how they’d handle the sort of behaviour your mum has been exhibiting recently. They should be able to give you clear answers, if not it’s probably not the right place.

I hope you can find somewhere suitable soon.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,867
South coast
That is an appalling underhand way of getting rid of her.
They are supposed to give you notice if they cant cope and get her sectioned if she is a danger to herself or others.
Even though they describe themselves as an EMI home, they are obviously not experienced with more advanced dementia and they knew that she wasnt bad enough to be sectioned, so they came up with this ploy :mad:

It was obviously not the right place for her. Go and look at other homes and ask them how they would deal with your mum. Be brutally honest about what she is like. Woolly answers probably mean that they dont have much experience.
Also ask them what sort of behaviour they would not tolerate.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
Hi
Things came to a head yesterday when at 4pm they rang again and said I would have to take to a and e as they couldn't calm her.i took advice from Admiral who have me a social care expert.She said no way.she rang home and said it was their care responsibility to get crisis help which they said they had tried or they ring for ambulance.
I went to home .mum was calm.i went with her to a and e.was the worst 6 hours of my life.
The only good thing she had loads of tests which were all clear.they said she didn't have a physical medical emergency so was no beds.
Care home had initially refused having her back.i was distraught.no one wanted mum.
She was very tired by midnight.eventually they got her a bed in a and e assessment ward where I left her.they said a mental health nurse would see her ti day.
The social worker has sorted a CPN nurse to visit her back in the home today.They arranged transport. They have upped her meds to 4x a day.
I have been advised that it shouldn't have happened and if care home can't or won't have mum dumping in hospital is not the answer.may need to look for better care.thanks for advice
You must be worn out with the worry of it all
Sending virtual ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))
 

Tealy

New member
Nov 6, 2019
4
Managed to find another care home thabkyou
That is an appalling underhand way of getting rid of her.
They are supposed to give you notice if they cant cope and get her sectioned if she is a danger to herself or others.
Even though they describe themselves as an EMI home, they are obviously not experienced with more advanced dementia and they knew that she wasnt bad enough to be sectioned, so they came up with this ploy :mad:

It was obviously not the right place for her. Go and look at other homes and ask them how they would deal with your mum. Be brutally honest about what she is like. Woolly answers probably mean that they dont have much experience.
Also ask them what sort of behaviour they would not tolerate.
="canary, post: 1674590, member: 42506"]That is an appalling underhand way of getting rid of her.
They are supposed to give you notice if they cant cope and get her sectioned if she is a danger to herself or others.
Even though they describe themselves as an EMI home, they are obviously not experienced with more advanced dementia and they knew that she wasnt bad enough to be sectioned, so they came up with this ploy :mad:

It was obviously not the right place for her. Go and look at other homes and ask them how they would deal with your mum. Be brutally honest about what she is like. Woolly answers probably mean that they dont have much experience.
Also ask them what sort of behaviour they would not tolerate.[/QUOTE]
 

charlie10

Registered User
Dec 20, 2018
397
really glad that you found somewhere.....I hope your mum settles in quickly and is happy there, and that you can now relax and enjoy her company again