EM I care home keep ringing to say they can't settle mum

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Tealy, Nov 6, 2019.

  1. Tealy

    Tealy New member

    Nov 6, 2019
    Mum was diagnosed 3 years ago with Alzheimer's and in Aug this year we made the heart breaking decision to place her in the right home for Dementia after my dad who is 86 was ill and couldn't cope anymore .The first 4 weeks were brill.she was like a changed lady.However recently she had become agitated and asking to come home when we visit.The home has started calling us nearly every other evening to come and settle her.She has become aggressive with the staff so a doctor has put her on new meds.one a day in 2 halves.they seemed to be working after a week but now they ringing us all the time.i am at my wits end and becoming I'll myself as we thought they would know what to do as we don't.Please advise as they have suggested if she doesn't settle they will ring the police to take her to a and e to be sectioned
  2. Splashing About

    Splashing About Registered User

    Oct 20, 2019
    How horrible for you.
    Do you have a social worker who can help you find a home more suited to her? I have no experience of this so am only offering what I might try. I’d go through adult social care and ask for her to be assessed urgently. In the meantime I would go in and explore what is triggering this behaviour to see if the home can’t adjust until an alternative is found.
  3. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Tealy

    A good EMI home should be able to cope with most behaviour. It’s a shame your mum has become unsettled. I suspect that the place your mum is in is not as dementia experienced as it could be so hopefully you will be able to find somewhere more suitable so as @Splashing About has said call adult social care or your mums social worker if she has one and explain the situation to them, emphasising that it is urgent. They should be able to help you find somewhere more suitable.

    My dad was occasionally aggressive toward the staff in his carehome but they knew how to deal with it (and step back if necessary until he was in a better mood). You should not be called upon to settle your mum. I was informed after the event but never asked to intervene if dad became stroppy.

    Your mum’s doctor may be able to prescribe an alternative medication if the first one doesn’t suit her that could possibly work better. It’s also worth checking if your mum has an infection if this behaviour.

    Regarding the threat of sectioning, my dad was sectioned and in helped me to get the help that he needed so it’s not a particularly dire threat - although I am unimpressed with the threat of leaving your mum at A&E. I’m not sure that the home would be legally able to do this as they have taken on a “duty of care” towards your mum by accepting her as a resident and should be helping you to find a new home for her that can meet her needs. Maybe someone else can clarify this?
    I’d be looking for somewhere else anyway if this is the reaction when things get bumpy.
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Tealy and welcome from me too.

    If you need to clarify any of the advice that you get this evening it may be worth talking to the experts on the helpline as they are very good. The details are

    National Dementia Helpline
    0300 222 11 22
    Our helpline advisers are here for you.
    Helpline opening hours:
    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
  5. Tealy

    Tealy New member

    Nov 6, 2019
    Things came to a head yesterday when at 4pm they rang again and said I would have to take to a and e as they couldn't calm her.i took advice from Admiral who have me a social care expert.She said no way.she rang home and said it was their care responsibility to get crisis help which they said they had tried or they ring for ambulance.
    I went to home .mum was calm.i went with her to a and e.was the worst 6 hours of my life.
    The only good thing she had loads of tests which were all clear.they said she didn't have a physical medical emergency so was no beds.
    Care home had initially refused having her back.i was distraught.no one wanted mum.
    She was very tired by midnight.eventually they got her a bed in a and e assessment ward where I left her.they said a mental health nurse would see her ti day.
    The social worker has sorted a CPN nurse to visit her back in the home today.They arranged transport. They have upped her meds to 4x a day.
    I have been advised that it shouldn't have happened and if care home can't or won't have mum dumping in hospital is not the answer.may need to look for better care.thanks for advice
  6. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    What an awful experience for both of you @Tealy .

    I think you’ve right, it’s time to find a better care home. When you go to see any potential new places ask them what sort of behaviour they will not accept and also how they’d handle the sort of behaviour your mum has been exhibiting recently. They should be able to give you clear answers, if not it’s probably not the right place.

    I hope you can find somewhere suitable soon.
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    That is an appalling underhand way of getting rid of her.
    They are supposed to give you notice if they cant cope and get her sectioned if she is a danger to herself or others.
    Even though they describe themselves as an EMI home, they are obviously not experienced with more advanced dementia and they knew that she wasnt bad enough to be sectioned, so they came up with this ploy :mad:

    It was obviously not the right place for her. Go and look at other homes and ask them how they would deal with your mum. Be brutally honest about what she is like. Woolly answers probably mean that they dont have much experience.
    Also ask them what sort of behaviour they would not tolerate.
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    You must be worn out with the worry of it all
    Sending virtual ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.