My elderly Mum is 89, lives alone about three-quarters of an hour's drive away from myself - her only child *daughter) and next-of-kin; her only other known living relatives are my married daughter who lives and works in London and a male cousin up in Yorkshire . Mum has been widowed for 17 years and has numerous medical complaints - asthma, emphysema, diabetes, cancer, macular degeneration and within the past year has also been diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI). She's also deaf as a post and refuses to wear her hearing aids so trying to communicate with her id difficult and stressful at the best of times !
With the coronavirus lockdown, not only is Mum having great difficulty in either doing her grocery shopping or getting anyone to go shop for her, but she's also constantly complaining she's lonely, doesn't see anyone as well as giving me an ear-bending every time I speak to her about how I 'ought' to have moved nearer to her when I separated from my now ex-husband six years ago, so that I could be of help to her and she could help me out if I became ill. I've told Mum that my moving back to Southampton after 47 years of living in Portsmouth is out of the question because my home and lifestyle is in Portsmouth now, and nor am I prepared to get rid of my pets simply for Mum's convenience so that it would be easier for me to be, I n effect her unpaid carer.
Mum has now got to the stage where she admits openly that she can't manage by herself in the bungalow where she's lived for over 40 years and has started talking about going into full-time residential care; she would be a self-funder, although as she's never ever discussed the state of her finances with me I don't know the exact state of her finances. I strongly suspect she doesn't have any idea of the cost of full-time residential care. If Mum had to go into a care home, she says there's one she would particularly like to go into subject to there being a vacancy of course BUT it's in a location somewhat difficult for me to get to by public transport (my finances are such that I will be selling my car in the near future).
My big question is that I've told Mum openly that should she decide that a care home is what she definitely wants, then without a POA being set up to give me the proper legal authority to decide where she lives and to access her funds to pay for said care, I don't wish to get involved in this situation at all - and if she goes into her preferred care home of choice it will be very awkward for us to visit her there. Mum says she's got a POA set up but can't say with whom, and it certainly isn't with me because I've never been asked to sign any official documentation about this. So either Mum hasn't got a POA set up at all, or it's with someone else! I have therefore this afternoon sent off the OPG100 form to the Office of Public Guardian to find out whether there is any sort of POA registered with them.
If I ere to be given the relevant POA then because I am the next-of-kin and will shortly not have any transport because I am going to have to sell my car, I would obviously want to find a care home for Mum that's near to where I live and which is easy for me to get to for visiting; there is actually a new, purpose0build care home specialisi9ng for people with dementia opened up only recently and what's good about it is that not only is it within walking distance of where I live but I've read good reports of it also. It's privately-owned so would be quite expensive of course - and there's also the only council home for people with dementia that's also within easy walking distance from where I live too, so that's an alternative I could consider. BUT without the proper legal authority to make these sorts of decisions for Mum I'm not prepared to get involved.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation of having to find a care home for a relative, that's not in the location the relative would prefer and if so what sorts of problems have you faced with this?
With the coronavirus lockdown, not only is Mum having great difficulty in either doing her grocery shopping or getting anyone to go shop for her, but she's also constantly complaining she's lonely, doesn't see anyone as well as giving me an ear-bending every time I speak to her about how I 'ought' to have moved nearer to her when I separated from my now ex-husband six years ago, so that I could be of help to her and she could help me out if I became ill. I've told Mum that my moving back to Southampton after 47 years of living in Portsmouth is out of the question because my home and lifestyle is in Portsmouth now, and nor am I prepared to get rid of my pets simply for Mum's convenience so that it would be easier for me to be, I n effect her unpaid carer.
Mum has now got to the stage where she admits openly that she can't manage by herself in the bungalow where she's lived for over 40 years and has started talking about going into full-time residential care; she would be a self-funder, although as she's never ever discussed the state of her finances with me I don't know the exact state of her finances. I strongly suspect she doesn't have any idea of the cost of full-time residential care. If Mum had to go into a care home, she says there's one she would particularly like to go into subject to there being a vacancy of course BUT it's in a location somewhat difficult for me to get to by public transport (my finances are such that I will be selling my car in the near future).
My big question is that I've told Mum openly that should she decide that a care home is what she definitely wants, then without a POA being set up to give me the proper legal authority to decide where she lives and to access her funds to pay for said care, I don't wish to get involved in this situation at all - and if she goes into her preferred care home of choice it will be very awkward for us to visit her there. Mum says she's got a POA set up but can't say with whom, and it certainly isn't with me because I've never been asked to sign any official documentation about this. So either Mum hasn't got a POA set up at all, or it's with someone else! I have therefore this afternoon sent off the OPG100 form to the Office of Public Guardian to find out whether there is any sort of POA registered with them.
If I ere to be given the relevant POA then because I am the next-of-kin and will shortly not have any transport because I am going to have to sell my car, I would obviously want to find a care home for Mum that's near to where I live and which is easy for me to get to for visiting; there is actually a new, purpose0build care home specialisi9ng for people with dementia opened up only recently and what's good about it is that not only is it within walking distance of where I live but I've read good reports of it also. It's privately-owned so would be quite expensive of course - and there's also the only council home for people with dementia that's also within easy walking distance from where I live too, so that's an alternative I could consider. BUT without the proper legal authority to make these sorts of decisions for Mum I'm not prepared to get involved.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation of having to find a care home for a relative, that's not in the location the relative would prefer and if so what sorts of problems have you faced with this?