Edge of danger

[Dare]

Sorry just seen how old last post on this thread was - guess should be closed

 

[Platinum]

Forgive strange post, guys, would so love to know if others feel like this. I looked after Keith on my own for four years and then he went into a nursing home and he died three months ago. For the whole of that time, including now even, my anxieties are such that I expect danger or a disaster to happen during the next five minutes! When Keith was in his lovely nursing home, even then I was expecting the phone to ring and I would have to run up there quick … this did happen quite a few times.
But I cannot get rid of this fear and dread and all keyed up waiting for the worst.
It would help me, it really would, if you could tell me if you feel like this, if it is a normal reaction to what we go through. Love and best, Kindred.

I too feel like this and expect, like you, I always will. My OH has been moved several times one one year and after seven months in an NHS mental health unit preceded by two failed residential places, and admissions to hospital, he has now been in his new nursing home for two months. All seems to be ok but I live in dread of them saying he has to move. I visit every day and the staff seem to manage him but it doesn’t stop me feeling anxious. He has good days and bad days and I was told if the bad days consistently outnumber the good he will have to move. I don’t witness this currently but it’s a constant worry. I’m glad you are enjoying your volunteering; it keeps you close. X

 

[kindred]

I too feel like this and expect, like you, I always will. My OH has been moved several times one one year and after seven months in an NHS mental health unit preceded by two failed residential places, and admissions to hospital, he has now been in his new nursing home for two months. All seems to be ok but I live in dread of them saying he has to move. I visit every day and the staff seem to manage him but it doesn’t stop me feeling anxious. He has good days and bad days and I was told if the bad days consistently outnumber the good he will have to move. I don’t witness this currently but it’s a constant worry. I’m glad you are enjoying your volunteering; it keeps you close. X

My goodness, that is hard, about the good days and the bad days … no wonder you live in dread of him moving. All fellow feeling. This disease throws up so many anxiety making elements.
Thank you for your lovely words about my volunteering, it does keep us close and as I learned so many skills there, it brings some good, something worthwhile out of all the pain. Plus the home is a very sane and loving place and a good place to be in these turbulent times.
with love and thanks, Geraldinexxx

 

[kindred]

Being a carer is definitely a separate mental health condition!
I have today been to see my mum in a nursing home where she has been for the past 11 years with Alzheimer’s and various other conditions, she has no idea who I am now. Over the years with her I have been made to feel the worst daughter, most uncaring person and shouted at most days and totally ignored at others, and I still have guilt feelings even now for putting her in there.
My husband was diagnosed 13 years ago but had Parkinson’s symptoms years before so I have been caring for him. So after mum , I then went to hospital 3/4 of an hour each way, to see my husband who now has advanced Parkinson’s, dementia, psychosis, paranoia and hallucinations! He also has broken his hip for the 2nd time (same hip) and he is unable to undergo any further surgery.
I have been bullied, shouted at and made to feel completely worthless. My husband thinks I am the worst wife in the world.I honestly cannot repeat some of the things-he has said and allegations he has made.
I feel like a ball on a pinball machine being knocked from pillar to post.
What about a little caring for us carers?
Love and hugs xx

Oh so good to hear from you, thank you and my goodness you have been through a time and still are going through it. Lirene, I do think what we suffer mentally should be regarded as a separate health condition. As you know, I'm a mental health professional and what we go through does not fit easily with other cirumstances which produce anxiety.
I am especially sorry that you have been made to feel worthless. This is the last thing you are.
With love and so many thanks, Geraldinexx

 

[kindred]

Oh yes to the ‘helpful’ DIY and the damp patches. The day I found petrol all over the garage, and a fixated loop on bonfires was a particular low point. A friend described it as like having a toddler with a chainsaw. Yep.

Flippin heck!!! Yes, a toddler with a chainsaw. Thank you. with love, Kindred.

 

[kindred]

After 2 years caring free - I am still in that 24/7 mode of being “on call’. Don’t sleep more than 3 hrs at any one time - after 27 years of caring my body can’t get used to not waking every other hour! When a text or phone call - I go into hyper alert - till see it’s a friend etc! One day it will settle till then I’m being kind to myself over my quirks

Oh my dear, after two years. I know, my body can't get used to not being on call either. And twenty seven years of caring. It will settle, I so hope so and glad you are being kind to yourself over your quirks. I am trying to do this, telling myself it is a normal and habituated reaction to what we have been through. Thank you. with love, Geraldinexx

 

[kindred]

OH yes Kindred.....I think catastrophising must be my middle name! I'm not really a handson carer for a pwd, and it's my FiL , we're not very close, but I have a (now adult) child with MH problems..... a few years ago we had frequent late night phone calls which involved ambulances and dashes to A&E. Thank goodness it has all calmed down over the last few years, haven't had to do that for a long time, but even so my heart still thuds when I hear the phone ring and I constantly have a 'feeling' in the back of my mind.....this extends to everyone I care for, intermittently (they take turns on my worry list!) and I have to give myself a stern talking to Keep thinking I ought to learn to meditate.....

I'm sorry so many others also have this mindworm.....comforting as it is to find you're not the only one, I wouldn't wish it on anyone either

Oh yes about the phonje calls and the feeling in your mind. My goodness. Thank you! with love, Kidnredxx

 

[kindred]

I should add too, that someone told me recently that they only regained their loved one after they died, and they were very grateful for that. Up to that point the illness ruled and got in the way.

Oh my goodness. I kind of see what they mean … I'm glad they feel they have their loved one regained. Yes, I do understand. Thank you. with love, Kindred. x

 

[kindred]

I absolutely agree with this. There is so little help for carers mental health in the aftermath of the disease. Once the carers job is done there is an assumption that life is ok again. I wish.....

Yes, I do feel that carers are often sacrificed to this situation, to dementia and to the lack of social care. For a long time I felt I did not matter so what the heck if I was so ill I was broken. Ironically, volunteering at the nursing home has healed me of that. with love and thanks, Geraldinexx

 

[kindred]

@ kindred I recognise the feelings you describe. It's horrible while they're there but in my case they lessen as time goes by.


It's 10 months since my dad died and it is getting better although I'm not over the trauma yet.

Stay strong. It will pass

Thank you so much Bunpoots. with love, Geraldinexx

 

[Lirene]

Oh so good to hear from you, thank you and my goodness you have been through a time and still are going through it. Lirene, I do think what we suffer mentally should be regarded as a separate health condition. As you know, I'm a mental health professional and what we go through does not fit easily with other cirumstances which produce anxiety.
I am especially sorry that you have been made to feel worthless. This is the last thing you are.
With love and so many thanks, Geraldinexx

Thank you so much xx