Eating...not eating...drinking..not drinking
- Thread starter Splashing About
- Start date
Mum far more stable than I’d expect. She’s still eating minimally but she’s not moving so I doubt her needs are much. She’s completely bed bound and no longer moving around in the bed and hanging over the edges. She‘s sleepy more often and quieter but still capable of feisty behaviour. She punched my daughter in the eye, batted her milk down the bed and swiped the yoghurt on the floor yesterday. However some days she accepts tiny teaspoons of puréed food and yoghurts and drinks milk happily all day. I’ve no idea what is happening weight wise (Never any staff around to ask and I’ve got no identifiable purpose in finding out) The rapid weight loss is no longer evident. She still has good colour. I can see us like this in a few months time. Somehow I’d never envisaged this stage of dementia...this loss of mental ability to move.
@Splashing About - I'm sorry your mum is still like this. It must be very hard to deal with.
I don't think we can ever second guess what is going to happen, in my time on TP I have read of this situation lasting a long time, and for others a sudden downturn happens and the PWD is gone in weeks from being fairly mobile.
I suspect the long time bit is not what you want to hear. Milk is very nutritious, so in this situation I'd count it as food.
I don't think we can ever second guess what is going to happen, in my time on TP I have read of this situation lasting a long time, and for others a sudden downturn happens and the PWD is gone in weeks from being fairly mobile.
I suspect the long time bit is not what you want to hear. Milk is very nutritious, so in this situation I'd count it as food.
Yes I count it as food. Awhile ago I’d have said I couldn’t bear thinking of her lasting like this. I don’t like it now but I can bear it (because I’ve locked down my heart I think) 
The reconciliation of facing losing a parent vs facing their continued dire quality of life with no hope seems to have been completed. Possibly I will crumble at the end. We shall see. I suspect I’ve mentally decided there is no end (it feels like that!) and so I’m not facing that every single day.
The reconciliation of facing losing a parent vs facing their continued dire quality of life with no hope seems to have been completed. Possibly I will crumble at the end. We shall see. I suspect I’ve mentally decided there is no end (it feels like that!) and so I’m not facing that every single day.
I absolutely agree with that moment of realisation that we could be in this for the long run . Mum is bedridden and legs contracted her fingers now are starting with rheumatoid arthritis and curling into her palms . GP saw her at NH yesterday and they’ve up her pain meds and will consider a patch. Mum at present can swallow pills so going the oral route for now . I never thought I’d still be visiting after last years days left situation, here we are .......mixed emotions YES , hate myself for negative thoughts YES , I want this all to end soon for mums sake and selfishly for me . I need to be able to live again without guilt creeping up on me, have a holiday booked in July but I still can’t get excited why does it feel wrong to look forward. I’m going to give myself a kick start on 1st March ....new month . Thoughts to all in this cruel limbo .Yes I count it as food. Awhile ago I’d have said I couldn’t bear thinking of her lasting like this. I don’t like it now but I can bear it (because I’ve locked down my heart I think)
The reconciliation of facing losing a parent vs facing their continued dire quality of life with no hope seems to have been completed. Possibly I will crumble at the end. We shall see. I suspect I’ve mentally decided there is no end (it feels like that!) and so I’m not facing that every single day.
Not selfish at all
Compassion at the reality of the situation & what “a best interest” is & the reality of that.
As my friend kindly puts it “a natural conclusion!”
(((((((((((((((((((giant hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))
To you all x
My Mum is at this stage for just over a year.
The only physical changes are weight loss , now down to 55kgs ( 81/2st) , sleeping even more, and she is starting to get skin tears.
Mum is 79 in two weeks, and given it could be her last, we are having a small get together at Mums care home. Mums 2 sisters are coming.... other than us, the only two who visit.
We believe Mum is waiting for Dad (82) to go first, as she said he would never cope if it was the other way around.
After 4 yrs in care, Dad still thinks Mum will get better and come home
Dad is 82 and has mild mixed dementia, but worsening kidney disease.
The only physical changes are weight loss , now down to 55kgs ( 81/2st) , sleeping even more, and she is starting to get skin tears.
Mum is 79 in two weeks, and given it could be her last, we are having a small get together at Mums care home. Mums 2 sisters are coming.... other than us, the only two who visit.
We believe Mum is waiting for Dad (82) to go first, as she said he would never cope if it was the other way around.
After 4 yrs in care, Dad still thinks Mum will get better and come home
Dad is 82 and has mild mixed dementia, but worsening kidney disease.
@Moose1966 yes I’ve done the whole “not looking forward to anything” thing. I’ve had a weeks holiday, Christmas, social events....all seemed unlikely to be enjoyed because of my mums imminent death. Except she hasn’t!
@Linbrusco this is so horrible isn’t it. I find it amazing that we nurture our health so carefully...ensuring good nutrition, exercise, drinking plenty, medication as needed and we move around, change positions, dress to adjust to the weather...and yet forget all of that and it’s possible to live for a very long time.
Mum has lost 7kg in 4 months which is quite remarkable considering how little she eats (I’d expect more) Being overweight appears to have been an advantage. She’s not had a cold, her BP is now normal and two persistent ailments which she took regular meds for (but no longer) do not show any symptoms. She also had cardiac disease and chronic kidney disease...no problem with either. It’s unbelievable
@Linbrusco this is so horrible isn’t it. I find it amazing that we nurture our health so carefully...ensuring good nutrition, exercise, drinking plenty, medication as needed and we move around, change positions, dress to adjust to the weather...and yet forget all of that and it’s possible to live for a very long time.
Mum has lost 7kg in 4 months which is quite remarkable considering how little she eats (I’d expect more) Being overweight appears to have been an advantage. She’s not had a cold, her BP is now normal and two persistent ailments which she took regular meds for (but no longer) do not show any symptoms. She also had cardiac disease and chronic kidney disease...no problem with either. It’s unbelievable
They certainly are resilient, I’ve had two really bad colds and continued to visit mum as there is only me .......she’s not even had as much as a sniffle. I think they are a generation that are tough as old boots . ❤️
My Mum has definitely improved health wise since being in Hospital Care.
All her medications stopped, except for low dose anti b to keep UTI’s away and just 7.5mg daily ( was 75mg when in Dementia Care) of Quetiapine for agitation and to help her sleep at night.
Only one slight cold in a year.
Not one UTI.
Her white blood cell counts have dropped significantly, as she was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia in 2011 which caused them to sky rocket , so its been a wait & watch for 9yrs.
Mum is starting to have skin tears though, and they are having such a hard time cutting her nails, as Mum just recoils at the mere attempt to cut them.
But long nails and she scratches her head & face.
Long toe nails and they curl under and dig into the skin.
The Podiatrist doesnt like to use any force to hold her hands or feet.
Any ideas?
All her medications stopped, except for low dose anti b to keep UTI’s away and just 7.5mg daily ( was 75mg when in Dementia Care) of Quetiapine for agitation and to help her sleep at night.
Only one slight cold in a year.
Not one UTI.
Her white blood cell counts have dropped significantly, as she was diagnosed with a form of Leukemia in 2011 which caused them to sky rocket , so its been a wait & watch for 9yrs.
Mum is starting to have skin tears though, and they are having such a hard time cutting her nails, as Mum just recoils at the mere attempt to cut them.
But long nails and she scratches her head & face.
Long toe nails and they curl under and dig into the skin.
The Podiatrist doesnt like to use any force to hold her hands or feet.
Any ideas?
I need to do mums nails soon so I’ll be watching for advice. I wonder about soaking in warm water to soften them as they are so hard and once cut they will be sharp. But getting her hands into water would be nigh on impossible. My sister’s carers just file them. They sit there holding hands with a rough emery board and just file away....that makes them neat and softens the edges.
Mum reacts quite badly to any of the azepam meds.
Thats why they had to try her with quetiapine anti psychotic when going through major anxiety & aggression when in Dementia Care.
Hopefully something can be achieved
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