Eating and Drinking?

steffie60

Registered User
Jan 22, 2013
232
0
Hampshire
Mum now nearly 90 has lived with me and my husband for nearly three years. We have had up and downs and I have been, like so many of us, on a huge learning curve but today is again so different.

We are waiting for the results of the CT scan of her tummy which was done 4 weeks ago this coming Friday. I have chased for the results but to no avail. I now have a telephone appointment with the GP tomorrow afternoon.

My quandary is that Mum is not eating and I am barely able to get fluids into her and today she has gone back to bed, does not want to get up and did not want me to sit in with her which is something she has always wanted. For the first time she said she could not swallow her tablets but yet when coaxed she managed to take them.

She is obviously tired and listless because she is not taking in any calories to keep her going and also unsteady on her feet. There are no obvious signs of a UTI but I am getting at a loss to know what to do. How long can she go without taking in fluids and food before she will have to be taken to hospital which she will hate?

Anyone experienced anything similar please?
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,122
0
eastern USA
Hello. Sometimes my mother doesn't have much appetite. I sit with her and coax her into eating and drinking. I don't know what your relationship is like, but when my mother is like this, unless it's really clear she wants to sleep, I sometimes go in and lie on her bed and talk with her (prattle on myself, really) about my childhood and what a good mother she was and how I used to love her tea cookies, wouldn't she like to get up now and have a tea? That is, I prattle on till it's time for her to use the toilet and think about the tea cookies she used to make, and o let's have some tea. It doesn't work every time, but I find that if I spend time socializing with her about (my) favorable memories, it works pretty well. In truth, I don't have really sweet memories, but I tell her what a lovely mother she was and make like I have just the fondest memories, and this helps her have a better attitude.

It does sound as if she is having some stomach discomfort, and I imagine sitting up might be better for that?

She does need fluids. If she would do better with your just saying that the only way she can avoid hospital is to have some fluids and light food, then maybe that would be the way to go. Good luck.
 

Laine5

Registered User
Jun 15, 2013
44
0
This is us at the moment. Mum been in bed on and off for 2 weeks now, severe back pain, had UTI at the beginning but now think it is her spine (osteoporosis) Very reluctant to eat or drink and I constantly have to say the Dr will send her into hospital to have IV fluids if she doesn't drink. She has slept most of the day but still able to get out to the commode hourly. Will be calling the GP back in tomorrow if she doesn't show signs of improvement.
I too am at a loss so not much help, sorry, one day at a time I'm afraid.
Next thing will be MUm's lack of bowel movement to worry about !!!!
Ask the GP for any other help that might be out there in your area.
 

steffie60

Registered User
Jan 22, 2013
232
0
Hampshire
Hello. Sometimes my mother doesn't have much appetite. I sit with her and coax her into eating and drinking. I don't know what your relationship is like, but when my mother is like this, unless it's really clear she wants to sleep, I sometimes go in and lie on her bed and talk with her (prattle on myself, really) about my childhood and what a good mother she was and how I used to love her tea cookies, wouldn't she like to get up now and have a tea? That is, I prattle on till it's time for her to use the toilet and think about the tea cookies she used to make, and o let's have some tea. It doesn't work every time, but I find that if I spend time socializing with her about (my) favorable memories, it works pretty well. In truth, I don't have really sweet memories, but I tell her what a lovely mother she was and make like I have just the fondest memories, and this helps her have a better attitude.

It does sound as if she is having some stomach discomfort, and I imagine sitting up might be better for that?

She does need fluids. If she would do better with your just saying that the only way she can avoid hospital is to have some fluids and light food, then maybe that would be the way to go. Good luck.

Mum and I fortunately have a good loving relationship but having tried getting on her bed once it was something that she found invaded her space just a bit too much. Mum loves a quick kiss on the cheek and a little cuddle but has never really been a truly demonstrative person and sadly I am not a chatty person, like my mother I am quite quiet and not that good in company so one to one does suit us both. Like you though I tend to keep mum sweet by going with the flow maybe I should be a bit stronger with her and get her up, like you I believe she would find it easier to have meals and drinks in her chair.

After I have spoken to the GP I may just try the threat of hospital and see how we go. thank you for your helpful advice
 

steffie60

Registered User
Jan 22, 2013
232
0
Hampshire
This is us at the moment. Mum been in bed on and off for 2 weeks now, severe back pain, had UTI at the beginning but now think it is her spine (osteoporosis) Very reluctant to eat or drink and I constantly have to say the Dr will send her into hospital to have IV fluids if she doesn't drink. She has slept most of the day but still able to get out to the commode hourly. Will be calling the GP back in tomorrow if she doesn't show signs of improvement.
I too am at a loss so not much help, sorry, one day at a time I'm afraid.
Next thing will be MUm's lack of bowel movement to worry about !!!!
Ask the GP for any other help that might be out there in your area.

It is a help to know when others are in similar situations it helps to know that I am not doing anything wrong it is just life. As to any other help when I have asked various services and because Mum would be self funding I find that I am fobbed off with one excuse or another. I do have a sitter now on a Friday night so that I can get some quality time with my husband. Thank you for responding.
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,122
0
eastern USA
It sounds like you have a good strategy for when she is feeling well. It is very possible she really does have something wrong in her tummy . . . .

One thing I might add is that if my sweet cajoling and chatter doesn't work, I then have to go the stronger route. Here, the stronger route is that I remind her that I'm here taking care of her, and I am the one who has to have her wellbeing in mind all the time and I have to answer to my sisters when things go wrong . . . . So, as "Big Mama" (the name I adopt on such occasions, because we joke that she is "Little Mama" now), I have to say it's time to "rise and shine and greet the day" (or some such silly thing). We joke, she scoffs, and usually she will toss off the covers. I stick with it: if she does not toss off the covers, I pull them back a bit, lean in and give her a big big hug, and say Come on, it's time to get up, even if just to use the toilet. She is sometimes tired out, even so, so we sit on the side of the bed together, with me holding her by my side. She sort of leans into me sweetly, so I know she is enjoying the touch. And then off the bed she goes.

My experience is that if this is done with all kinds of affectionate verbal and physical cues, it can work. If your situation might be just a tiny bit like this, perhaps you might give it a try. The key is letting her know that you have her care in your hands now, and you are the one in charge . . . . at least in my experience . . . .