early stages - how much time do you spend with your loved one??

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by saskia, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. saskia

    saskia Registered User

    Aug 10, 2015
    124
    North Essex
    me again....

    my mums in very early stages -yet to go for any diagnosis as refuses - but we do think its def memory impairement

    i work full time & live 10 misn away - up to now have only seen my mum at w/ends - my hunny works form home & pops round if needed (he mowed her lawn today)

    my w/ends seem to consist of mum - see her saturday, take her shopping, leave about 6.00 & sundays - very rarely does a sunday go past without us visiting or her comign to me for the day.

    I also call her every other night.

    my brother who lives 50 miles away tries to come up at least once a fortnight, but this isn't always acheivable.

    how much time do you spend with your loved one?

    i feel so guilty if i don't see her when i'm free & that is causing issues with my hubby as i know we need a life........i have a day off this friday & already feel so bad that my hubby wants us to go out for the day but i'm thinking of mum being on her own!

    the guilt........ the guilt.......!!

    sas :)
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,662
    Salford
    Hi Sas
    I'd take as much time for yourselves as you can right now because at sometime in the future you'll probably have to up your commitments to her. I understand the guilt that you're out enjoying yourselves while she's at home alone but I think there's a lot of older people in that position without memory issues. Is she still able to follow what's on TV or the radio? You contact your local AZ society or Age UK and see if there's anything available in your area, dementia friends, clubs or whatever.
    K
     
  3. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    Hi Saskia,

    It is awful isn't it, the guilt we carry every day.

    Our mum is in care, where they do stuff with them but we still have the most awful hurtful visits; again today.

    My sister and I have now decided to cut back our visiting to 3 times a week because it is making us so sad. My mum plays the guilt card every time.

    You have to take time for you and your hubby and have your day out. I know how you feel, but I am having to learn to take a step back for my family too.

    If your mum is in early stages she can probably still watch TV and read.

    Please take this time out for you.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    #4 Beate, Aug 19, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2015
    I don't think there is a set amount of time you should spend but you will find that it will increase over time the more she needs you. If she is still able to look after herself, she will be able to spend time on her own.

    What I would spend time on now is getting her affairs in order - encourage her to make a will and both LPAs, see that she gets all allowances and benefits she is entitled to, though if she is still early stages, she might not manage to get Attendance Allowance yet.

    If you think she needs more people around her, why don't you introduce her to the Coffee Club and Singing for the Brain from the local Alzheimer's Society, if you have one in the area? Or any other lunch clubs or gardening/ art groups you can find which she might be interested in.

    You can also ask for an assessment from social services and see whether she couldn't go to a day centre once or twice a week.

    It doesn't all have to be on your shoulders.
     

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