Early risers - visting people at 6.00am!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Nicola H, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. Nicola H

    Nicola H Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    6
    #1 Nicola H, Aug 19, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2015
    Hi, I am new to this website and forum. My mum has early to moderate vasular dementia. Does anyone know how I can stop her leaving the house at 5.30am / 6.00am in the morning and appearing at a neighbours' houses? She lives alone and so far she is coping (in her own way). She cannot now make a cup of coffee and gets in a real muddle (she has blown a few kettles up putting coffee in the kettle). I think she gets up and wants a coffee, cant make one and so goes out visting. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,850
    Female
    Scotland
    How about a vacuum flask made up for her the night before. Sit it beside a cereal bar or some crackers so she can see them in the morning. If you left a magazine there too would she look at it to kill some time?
     
  3. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    if she is not safe making a hot drink I think you have to ask your self is she safe on her own I no my MIL is not safe and has lived with us for 2.5 yrs would not want her in her own home left all day seeing know one and no hot food or drink.
     
  4. arielsmelody

    arielsmelody Registered User

    Jul 16, 2015
    514
  5. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,971
    Suffolk
    Balloo is right. It was at the stage that OH couldn't make coffee that I decided that he couldn't be left alone any more. That, of course, was a ground changer for me. He went to more daycare so that I could cope with things like shopping and friends, that type of thing, though I remember him getting spoilt rotten at my hair dressers!
     
  6. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    my MIL does not go to day care I work from home now P/T was full time until MIL moved in but have had to reduce hrs now only work 15 not 52 and of course my earnings have dropped .
     
  7. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,020
    Yorkshire
    Hi Nicola H and welcome to TP- I hope a good mooch around the various threads will help out with anything you are concerned about - lots of experience and empathy available
    Does your mum have any carers visiting her home to support her? If she is still generally safe in her home (you don't give details, so can't really comment), then an early morning care visit to help her with breakfast (and getting washed/dressed if useful) may be a way of diverting her from wandering in the morning and settle her for the day.
    You don't mention that she wanders at other times - but if this is the case then some day care may help.
    I do think getting rid of a kettle would be wise, Marionq's idea of a flask etc sounds good. I used to leave dad's table set for breakfast so that he had everything to hand and a visual prompt for what to do of a morning. Though eventually that was no help and carer's came in to get breakfast for him.
    I doubt that you can actually stop her going out if she is doing this because she can't help herself, especially if she is wandering at other times too. So you may need to consider what the other posters suggest - is this your prompt to look for more permanent care?
     
  8. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,713
    Female
    London
    You could start with an assessment from SS / an OT. There are gadgets designed to alert when people open the front door and attempt to keep them from doing so.
     
  9. Nicola H

    Nicola H Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    6
    Many thanks for all of the responses. I desperately want her to live at home independently for as long as possible. She would be so distressed if she had leave her home. I just want her to be as safe as possible for as long as possible. All of the ideas are good. I desperately need support from SS but I am at a loss with them to be honest. Her SW went out to see her last week - left a message on my phone saying "she seems fine so I am closing the case". I am staggered. She definitely is not fine!! Nicola
     
  10. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,020
    Yorkshire
    I'm astonished!
    'She seems fine' is hardly a full assessment of needs!
    And anyone who can no longer make a cup of coffee for themselves and has blown kettles in the attempt is not 'fine'.

    If I were you I would write down in detail exactly what your mum's situation is:
    what she can no longer do for herself
    what she has trouble with
    how she does/doesn't make meals and feed herself
    same with washing and dressing
    same with bedtime
    what about shopping?
    what about cleaning the house?
    how she deals with her finances
    how often she goes out to socialise - or doesn't anymore
    what support she does/doesn't have - and what you think she needs to be able to stay in her own home
    how often she has 'bothered' the neighbours in the early morning and any other wandering - and I'd get the neighbours to write that they are not happy with being bothered and are worried about her (even if they don't really mind, it will mean that someone other than family is concerned about her)
    with all of your concerns for her
    no holding back - think of her worst days
    Then - send this to the SW and her GP and anyone else involved in your mum's care - telling them that this proves she is not fine and her case must be re-opened.

    At least you will have made the situation clear, and if it is 'ignored' tell then they are putting a vulnerable adult at risk.

    All the best
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #11 Margarita, Aug 24, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2015
    Ask to talk to the Socail worker manager
    Every SW has a manager .
    Don't be worried about complaining to Manager, about not closing your mother case .




    Noting down what Shedrech said to write down .
     

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