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Early risers - visting people at 6.00am!

Nicola H

Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
6
Hi, I am new to this website and forum. My mum has early to moderate vasular dementia. Does anyone know how I can stop her leaving the house at 5.30am / 6.00am in the morning and appearing at a neighbours' houses? She lives alone and so far she is coping (in her own way). She cannot now make a cup of coffee and gets in a real muddle (she has blown a few kettles up putting coffee in the kettle). I think she gets up and wants a coffee, cant make one and so goes out visting. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
 
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marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,074
Scotland
How about a vacuum flask made up for her the night before. Sit it beside a cereal bar or some crackers so she can see them in the morning. If you left a magazine there too would she look at it to kill some time?
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Hi, I am new to this website and forum. My mum has early to moderate vasular dementia. Does anyone know how I can stop her leaving the house at 5.30am / 6.00am in the morning and appearing at a neighbours' houses? She lives alone and so far she is coping (in her own way). She cannot now make a cup of coffee and gets in a real muddle (she has blown a few kettles up putting coffee in the kettle). I think she gets up and wants a coffee, cant make one and so goes out visting. Any suggestions would be gratefully received.
if she is not safe making a hot drink I think you have to ask your self is she safe on her own I no my MIL is not safe and has lived with us for 2.5 yrs would not want her in her own home left all day seeing know one and no hot food or drink.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,102
Suffolk
Balloo is right. It was at the stage that OH couldn't make coffee that I decided that he couldn't be left alone any more. That, of course, was a ground changer for me. He went to more daycare so that I could cope with things like shopping and friends, that type of thing, though I remember him getting spoilt rotten at my hair dressers!
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Balloo is right. It was at the stage that OH couldn't make coffee that I decided that he couldn't be left alone any more. That, of course, was a ground changer for me. He went to more daycare so that I could cope with things like shopping and friends, that type of thing, though I remember him getting spoilt rotten at my hair dressers!
my MIL does not go to day care I work from home now P/T was full time until MIL moved in but have had to reduce hrs now only work 15 not 52 and of course my earnings have dropped .
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
Hi Nicola H and welcome to TP- I hope a good mooch around the various threads will help out with anything you are concerned about - lots of experience and empathy available
Does your mum have any carers visiting her home to support her? If she is still generally safe in her home (you don't give details, so can't really comment), then an early morning care visit to help her with breakfast (and getting washed/dressed if useful) may be a way of diverting her from wandering in the morning and settle her for the day.
You don't mention that she wanders at other times - but if this is the case then some day care may help.
I do think getting rid of a kettle would be wise, Marionq's idea of a flask etc sounds good. I used to leave dad's table set for breakfast so that he had everything to hand and a visual prompt for what to do of a morning. Though eventually that was no help and carer's came in to get breakfast for him.
I doubt that you can actually stop her going out if she is doing this because she can't help herself, especially if she is wandering at other times too. So you may need to consider what the other posters suggest - is this your prompt to look for more permanent care?
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,953
London
You could start with an assessment from SS / an OT. There are gadgets designed to alert when people open the front door and attempt to keep them from doing so.
 

Nicola H

Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
6
Many thanks for all of the responses. I desperately want her to live at home independently for as long as possible. She would be so distressed if she had leave her home. I just want her to be as safe as possible for as long as possible. All of the ideas are good. I desperately need support from SS but I am at a loss with them to be honest. Her SW went out to see her last week - left a message on my phone saying "she seems fine so I am closing the case". I am staggered. She definitely is not fine!! Nicola
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
I'm astonished!
'She seems fine' is hardly a full assessment of needs!
And anyone who can no longer make a cup of coffee for themselves and has blown kettles in the attempt is not 'fine'.

If I were you I would write down in detail exactly what your mum's situation is:
what she can no longer do for herself
what she has trouble with
how she does/doesn't make meals and feed herself
same with washing and dressing
same with bedtime
what about shopping?
what about cleaning the house?
how she deals with her finances
how often she goes out to socialise - or doesn't anymore
what support she does/doesn't have - and what you think she needs to be able to stay in her own home
how often she has 'bothered' the neighbours in the early morning and any other wandering - and I'd get the neighbours to write that they are not happy with being bothered and are worried about her (even if they don't really mind, it will mean that someone other than family is concerned about her)
with all of your concerns for her
no holding back - think of her worst days
Then - send this to the SW and her GP and anyone else involved in your mum's care - telling them that this proves she is not fine and her case must be re-opened.

At least you will have made the situation clear, and if it is 'ignored' tell then they are putting a vulnerable adult at risk.

All the best
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I desperately need support from SS but I am at a loss with them to be honest. Her SW went out to see her last week - left a message on my phone saying "she seems fine so I am closing the case". I am staggered. She definitely is not fine!! Nicola
Ask to talk to the Socail worker manager
Every SW has a manager .
Don't be worried about complaining to Manager, about not closing your mother case .




Noting down what Shedrech said to write down .
 
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