I originally posted a thread in Sept 2003 when I first became a member, but deleted it a few days later as I was so confused at the time. The confusion still remains, but now I feel I have a better insight into why I am so confused..
Please bear with me.... I do have a tendancy to ramble!!
Basically, In January 2003 my mum in law came to live with us after doctors diagnosed that she was suffering from some form of dementia. She was infact diagnosed as suffering early stages of AD in April 2003. Prior to this, we had only seen her perhaps once or twice a year, as we had moved away from the 'family area' 17 years previously. However, we did keep in touch by phone. As a result, I opened my home to a person that I really didn't know very well. At first I couldn't do enough for her, and took on the role single handedly of sorting out all of her affairs. Unfortunately, after a while I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with her behaviour. She'd get the washing in 20 mins after I'd put it out... told a family freind that we locked her in her bedroom at night etc etc... After 10 months of total stress, her house in Leicester was finally sold and she was able to buy a lovely small bungalow a stones throw away from us.
Since moving into her own place almost exactly a year ago she has adapted very well and is very very happy.... She attends a 'group' 3 times a week, has made lots of new friends, and has a measure of independance that is good for her self respect.
So what is your problem I hear you ask..... Well it's not her.... It's me... I constantly feel that I'm on a roller coaster. One day I'll go and see her and she's fine, you wouldn't even know that there was a problem.... the next day she will be completely 'La La'. I'm finding it so hard to switch my emotions to match her daily state of mind... I end up totally confused, spending the rest of the day trying to make sense of it all...wondering why she's done this or said that today, when yesterday she'd been able to follow everything I said perfectly...
I need to know if my confusion is normal??? How do I deal with the stress that it causes? Is this early 'early stage' more difficult in some ways because she does still have 'normal' days... which by comparison then make the 'bad' days seem even harder to accept????
I'm really so sorry to ramble, but I needed to get this off my chest. As things stand I am the only one that she can rely on, as even my own husband, (her son), let alone his siblings, seem perfectly happy to let me continue what I started in Jan 2003, ie taking care of everything. She even introduces me as her daughter sometimes!!
I have stated on several other posts that I don't love her, but I do respect her, and want the best for her as she has entrusted me - not her own children- with her affairs. But I am so afraid that if I cannot come to grips with my confusion, any chance of feelings of love that may of normally developed, will end up being swallowed by feelings of annoyance and confusion and resentment.
Many thanks
Regards
Gemini
Please bear with me.... I do have a tendancy to ramble!!
Basically, In January 2003 my mum in law came to live with us after doctors diagnosed that she was suffering from some form of dementia. She was infact diagnosed as suffering early stages of AD in April 2003. Prior to this, we had only seen her perhaps once or twice a year, as we had moved away from the 'family area' 17 years previously. However, we did keep in touch by phone. As a result, I opened my home to a person that I really didn't know very well. At first I couldn't do enough for her, and took on the role single handedly of sorting out all of her affairs. Unfortunately, after a while I found myself becoming increasingly annoyed with her behaviour. She'd get the washing in 20 mins after I'd put it out... told a family freind that we locked her in her bedroom at night etc etc... After 10 months of total stress, her house in Leicester was finally sold and she was able to buy a lovely small bungalow a stones throw away from us.
Since moving into her own place almost exactly a year ago she has adapted very well and is very very happy.... She attends a 'group' 3 times a week, has made lots of new friends, and has a measure of independance that is good for her self respect.
So what is your problem I hear you ask..... Well it's not her.... It's me... I constantly feel that I'm on a roller coaster. One day I'll go and see her and she's fine, you wouldn't even know that there was a problem.... the next day she will be completely 'La La'. I'm finding it so hard to switch my emotions to match her daily state of mind... I end up totally confused, spending the rest of the day trying to make sense of it all...wondering why she's done this or said that today, when yesterday she'd been able to follow everything I said perfectly...
I need to know if my confusion is normal??? How do I deal with the stress that it causes? Is this early 'early stage' more difficult in some ways because she does still have 'normal' days... which by comparison then make the 'bad' days seem even harder to accept????
I'm really so sorry to ramble, but I needed to get this off my chest. As things stand I am the only one that she can rely on, as even my own husband, (her son), let alone his siblings, seem perfectly happy to let me continue what I started in Jan 2003, ie taking care of everything. She even introduces me as her daughter sometimes!!
I have stated on several other posts that I don't love her, but I do respect her, and want the best for her as she has entrusted me - not her own children- with her affairs. But I am so afraid that if I cannot come to grips with my confusion, any chance of feelings of love that may of normally developed, will end up being swallowed by feelings of annoyance and confusion and resentment.
Many thanks
Regards
Gemini