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Early diagnosis - i'm confused

Kelley K

New member
Aug 9, 2021
1
0
Is it normal (whatever normal is) for the person to always talk about loosing memory. My mum will tell everyone multiple times she is loosing it. I sometimes think if the conversation isn't about her she isn't interested... I still feel the real issue is grief but she prefers to say she's loosing for it. Diagnosis came back Early Vascular dementia.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,208
0
High Peak
Yes, it is normal for people with dementia to 'fix' on things, often to the point of obsession.

Perhaps by telling everyone she's lost her memory, it's her way of accepting the diagnosis and she's actually telling herself, 'It's only my memory - that's not too bad, is it?'
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,328
0
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @Kelley K.

I find my wife will always twist every conversation to being about her. I think it's because people with the dementia lose the cognitive skill that enables empathy with, or interest in, others. I've seen it called the 'selfishness' of dementia, but I think it's this loss of ability, rather than that.

As to telling everyone about her memory, my wife tells everyone she has dementia and I support her in that as people then 'look out' for her. My wife isn't at the stage when she is independent so so she won't have anyone taking advantage.

Do stick around the forum as you will get plenty of information and support here.
 

Cazcaz

Registered User
Apr 3, 2021
264
0
Is it normal (whatever normal is) for the person to always talk about loosing memory. My mum will tell everyone multiple times she is loosing it. I sometimes think if the conversation isn't about her she isn't interested... I still feel the real issue is grief but she prefers to say she's loosing for it. Diagnosis came back Early Vascular dementia.
From my own limited experience, Yes it is normal.

my mother has Alzheimer’s, diagnosed in February this year. She tells everyone she chats with “oh I wish I had a memory” or “I’m 70+ I think I’m entitled to have memory problems”. It seems to be partly her way of trying to make her diagnosis be a ‘memory only’ problem ie. if it’s just memory it’s fine. But also she has always me a very empathetic and sympathetic person but in the last few months everything has to be about her, she has lost most of her ability to think of others. Every conversation now she turns to be about her, usually trying to be a kind of ‘victim’ ie we cancelled plans a few weeks ago to have a BBQ because of the weather, mum turned it into “I can’t remember the last BBQ we had, my memory is awful” and then into “if I could Remember how to cook a BBQ we could have one, so I guess it’s my fault we can’t”. It can be very difficult, but life goes on.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,854
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Kelley K , looking back at it only being interested in conversations about herself was an early sign of my mother's vascular dementia. I didn't realise it as the time as she'd always been a bit of a diva, but did get upset when she really didn't seem interested in things I'd done. Later on it all fell into place. Mum did sometimes say she was losing it, but in the sort of way that invited the 'you are doing amazingly for your age', which up to her late eighties was more or less true.
You'll find lots of help and support here as things progress. Have you started to put things such as Lasting Power of Attorney into place?