Eamon Holmes

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,634
0
South of the Border
Not nosey at all.
My mother was born in Germany. She met my English father just after the war and as you may imagine at that time the marriage caused many upsets - 'marrying the enemy'.;)

Although I am proud of my heritage and certainly my mother was never afraid to admit her heritage, we did have to avoid those 'Reminiscence days' when they did things like celebrating the Brits winning the war or singing songs they sang during the war years etc. as other dementia sufferers didn't always view 'the enemy' with such 'kind eyes' ;). Actually that was one blessing when she lost the ability to interact quite early on and by the time she was ready for the NH it was no longer a problem with any residents.

And proud of your heritage you should be - I am a genealogist by trade, so I empathise with these things. My Dad's family are Irish, and I am very Irish in my ways - Mum disliked the Irish, and when asked would say " I married your father, not the rest of them" - meaning all his 8 siblings!! I use my maiden name, as Grandad told us we had to be 'proud of who you are' bless him. The Irish have been ostracised all over the world.

So, in your Mother's case, the dementia has treated her kindly for the life she has now......
 

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
734
0
London
My mother was born in Germany. She met my English father just after the war and as you may imagine at that time the marriage caused many upsets - 'marrying the enemy'.;)

Although I am proud of my heritage and certainly my mother was never afraid to admit her heritage, we did have to avoid those 'Reminiscence days' when they did things like celebrating the Brits winning the war or singing songs they sang during the war years etc. as other dementia sufferers didn't always view 'the enemy' with such 'kind eyes' ;). Actually that was one blessing when she lost the ability to interact quite early on and by the time she was ready for the NH it was no longer a problem with any residents.


This reminds me of a cousin of mine, whose Mum was German. 50 years ago in the 70's he was a hippy with very long hair wearing and a heavy army coat down the pub. An older man came up to him and said you should be ashamed to wear a military and have that long hair. I fought in the war for the likes of you and my cousin said Yeah my Grandad did too just not on the same side!
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
@Jorbin - I do admire your attitude and I look forward to hearing more about how life is treating you. Take care.
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
0
England
@Jorbin - I do admire your attitude and I look forward to hearing more about how life is treating you. Take care.
As do I.
Such posts do need to be seen. Especially by those whose only experience is with negative experiences and 'dread' that diagnosis.
As we constantly say, people are so different and people's experiences are also so very different.
 

Jorbin

Registered User
Jan 30, 2018
103
0
Oh yes. Even though my mother didn't seem to react at all, my constant battle with her NH was over the issue of her music. I provided a CD player with music from her native country, so at least she could hear her native language and familiar soothing music which I asked to be on pretty nearly all day and at night if she was awake. Although I have no idea if she could understand me I always spoke in her native language on my visits. When I visited and found the radio on and Radio 1 blaring out full blast:eek:! I had many, many discussions with the Home. We even provided laminated notices at 3 places in the room, but inevitably some carers failed to follow instructions. She was long past the possibility of being able to move her and at least some of the carers were familiar with her.

I do believe that at least the music was the last possible pleasure left to her and trust that it in some way eased those last years.
Oh that must have been so frustrating and would really make me angry. Why on earth did they change the music channel?!
 

lemonjuice

Registered User
Jun 15, 2016
1,534
0
England
Oh that must have been so frustrating and would really make me angry. Why on earth did they change the music channel?!
It was and I got really angry with them many times. I wrote letters of complaint, but things would resolve for a bit and then revert back.

I presumed the carers 'preferred their choice of music/ radio :mad:, but as I pointed out to the management, the music was for the benefit of my mother, especially when she was alone in her room, possibly helping her feel less abandoned or at least providing some stimulation. If the carers were with her, she did not need any distractions, especially not at the volume it was so often turned up to :mad: but they should be actively 'talking gently and reassuringly to her' even though she couldn't respond.

Plus as I also often pointed out no-one would ever go into someone else's home and turn on their own choice of programme. And certainly if my mother had been able to talk or respond she would have been very vociferous about their presumptions.:rolleyes:
 

Jorbin

Registered User
Jan 30, 2018
103
0
It was and I got really angry with them many times. I wrote letters of complaint, but things would resolve for a bit and then revert back.

I presumed the carers 'preferred their choice of music/ radio :mad:, but as I pointed out to the management, the music was for the benefit of my mother, especially when she was alone in her room, possibly helping her feel less abandoned or at least providing some stimulation. If the carers were with her, she did not need any distractions, especially not at the volume it was so often turned up to :mad: but they should be actively 'talking gently and reassuringly to her' even though she couldn't respond.

Plus as I also often pointed out no-one would ever go into someone else's home and turn on their own choice of programme. And certainly if my mother had been able to talk or respond she would have been very vociferous about their presumptions.:rolleyes:
Yes it’s basic manners , like changing the tv channel when you walk into the room. However this is more about trust and care, which has gone out of the window!
 

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