Dying at home

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Doggy86*, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. Doggy86*

    Doggy86* Registered User

    Sep 2, 2018
    51
    Islington
    Hi.

    I just wanted to ask if anyone has nursed a loved one at home till they have passed, my Mums wish is to die at home. I am scared and worried about this.

    We are in touch with palliative care and have the end of life medication at home, but it would be good to hear from someone who has experienced this.

    Thank you.
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,739
    Yorkshire
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Hi @Doggy86*. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum.

    My mum had vascular dementia, she lived with us and she died at home. I can understand your need to know more of what might be ahead of you. Like you we had the support of a palliative team and the end of life medications and ‘just in case’ box at home. We were very lucky to have the services of some over night sits from Marie Cure nurses. These were organised by our local district nurse service. One of the most useful things I got from them was a booklet on end of life. This link gives the same information I had in the booklet -

    https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/terminal-illness/preparing/what-to-expect

    Thinking of you. Wishing you strength and wishing your mum peace.
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,066
    Merseyside
    I did for both my Mum & Dad.
    Both times the support from the GP & district nurses was amazing. My main problem was the lack of sleep. I had about 10 hours in total over the space of a week as no night sits were available.
     
  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Me again @Doggy86*.

    I just had another thought. The most valuable thing said to me was by a district nurse. She said ‘I think it’s going to be tonight’. That allowed me time to get my brother through to be with us and to get care organised for my husband, who had no idea about what was going on. She was right. My mu died in the early hours. I’m glad the nurse was honest with me.
     
  6. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    196
    Female
    Mid Lincs
    My mum was 91 she lived on her own until the last 48hrs. Although she was deteriorating she suddenly took a turn for the worse and we called Marie Curie who came and sat with her the last 2 nights as well as administering the end of life meds. When she passed we called the district nurse who had co-ordinated everthing on our behalf. It was she who confirmed end of life and dealt with the private ambulance. We didn't have to do anything other than make a couple of calls to numbers we had been given.
     
  7. Lellyhelly

    Lellyhelly New member

    Jul 27, 2019
    8
    My husband, who was very ill with cancer desperately wanted to come home from hospital in his final days. I was so pleased that this was arranged. The hospital bed and carers were organised by 'hospice at home' and we were able to have a wonderful Marie Curie nurse at night. She was really an angel on earth. Our children were able to be with their dad in his last few hours and we were all with him when he died. Not only give comfort to him, but gave us so much solace, especially knowing we had fulfilled his final wish .This was 7 years ago and continues to help sustain his memory. I so hope you are able to get the help to be with your mum to the end and in her own home.
     
  8. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    If you think you can keep your mum comfortable then why not let her be at home? Going back years ago, most people died at home and I think it would be most people's preference would be to do that. You have obviously put things in place to support both her and you.

    You have a difficult time ahead of you and I wish you strength and peace during the coming days.
     
  9. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,470
    Hi @Doggy86* I am looking after dad in his own home and his wish is to die at home. It is very hard, dad was diagnosed with an advanced cancer way over a year ago and due to his frail state and palliative care only I did not expect him to still be here now but he is. I am truly amazed at how such a frail and sick person manages to recover from so many setbacks and just carry on but he does.

    We don't have any medication at home yet because he is not that bad but we get a monthly call from the hospice to check how is is and I am grateful for that. To be honest I can see dad going on for a long time yet but who knows. I agree it's scary and I cannot promise that dad will die at home. He may well be better off in a hospice and it is likely that he won't know where he is anyway.

    Sorry I am not a lot of help to you but I wish you well and lots of strength.
     
  10. Doggy86*

    Doggy86* Registered User

    Sep 2, 2018
    51
    Islington
    I am looking after dad in his own home and his wish is to die at home. It is very hard, dad was diagnosed with an advanced cancer way over a year ago and due to his frail state and palliative care only I did not expect him to still be here now but he is. I am truly amazed at how such a frail and sick person manages to recover from so many setbacks and just carry on but he does.

    We don't have any medication at home yet because he is not that bad but we get a monthly call from the hospice to check how is is and I am grateful for that. To be honest I can see dad going on for a long time yet but who knows. I agree it's scary and I cannot promise that dad will die at home. He may well be better off in a hospice and it is likely that he won't know where he is anyway.

    Sorry I am not a lot of help to you but I wish you well and lots of strength.[/QUOTE]

    @Doggy86* I am looking after dad in his own home and his wish is to die at home. It is very hard, dad was diagnosed with an advanced cancer way over a year ago and due to his frail state and palliative care only I did not expect him to still be here now but he is. I am truly amazed at how such a frail and sick person manages to recover from so many setbacks and just carry on but he does.

    We don't have any medication at home yet because he is not that bad but we get a monthly call from the hospice to check how is is and I am grateful for that. To be honest I can see dad going on for a long time yet but who knows. I agree it's scary and I cannot promise that dad will die at home. He may well be better off in a hospice and it is likely that he won't know where he is anyway.

    Sorry I am not a lot of help to you but I wish you well and lots of strength.[/QUOTE]
     
  11. Doggy86*

    Doggy86* Registered User

    Sep 2, 2018
    51
    Islington
    Thank you to all of you who gave me advice, its good know that is will be ok although it will be very difficult and sad to go through it but we wouldn't have it any other way.

    My Mum is very up and down, she is ok at the moment, but I know she is getting frail and she has lost a lot of weight.

    Thank You again
     
  12. Daffy123

    Daffy123 Registered User

    Feb 1, 2018
    44
    I found it easy and gentle happening at home. Familiar, surroundings and home conforms. Less, of a strain. Support, was offered but was not needed, except for some basic needs.
     
  13. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,245
    My close friend died at home, it was peaceful with music and poems, family sharing and some laughter.
    She did have the advantage of two senior nurses in her family but they mainly let the Carers and nurses supplied deal with her body. They were involved with a peaceful loving end. X
     

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