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Dying at home and palliative care

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
66,374
0
71
Dundee
What an incredibly poignant and powerful post @Ali_EM. Thank you for sharing with us. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Your father was so young and had gone through such a long struggle with this awful disease. It’s so good that you and your brother were with him when he passed. I’m glad he has now found peace. Wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,140
0
South coast
I am so sorry for your loss @Ali_EM
I am glad you managed to find somewhere who knew how to deal with end of life. Hospitals are not the best places and being at home is incredibly hard, Im glad he was peaceful at the end
xx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
11,896
0
Yorkshire
Sad news @Ali_EM
your father has found peace; I hope there's comfort and peace for you too in knowing you were by his side throughout this journey
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
777
0
Condolences on your loss Ali_EM. How sad for your father and the family that he developed dementia at such a very young age.

I didn’t find my mother’s passing peaceful either, although I was not with her at the end. It took 6 days for her to die and I found the dying process quite harrowing, which is probably a reflection of my ignorance about what dying actually involves.

I wish you strength and peace at this difficult time.
 

Ali_EM

Registered User
Dec 23, 2021
14
0
Thank you all for your kind messages. I only came across this community in the last couple of month's of my father's life, however it has been really helpful and full of lovely kind people.

God bless you all and I wish strength for anyone caring for a loved one with AZ or dementia of any form.
 

Louie16

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
45
0
My father became poorly again due to aspirating and got readmitted to hospital a month ago, this was the 3rd hospital stay in a month and he was found to be aspirating on all consistencies by the speech and language team. We reconsidered our initial preference for end of life care at home and fortunately a hospice became available without much wait.

The hospice staff were excellent and it was such a different experience than the many hospital wards I’ve visited over the years.

My beloved father took his last breath yesterday and parted from this world. His death took what seemed like an eternity and made me realise that the hospice was definitely the right place. My father’s passing wasn’t peaceful at all until the very last hour. He was breathing rapidly and had a rattle sound on his chest that would have been near impossible to sleep through at home. Going to the hospice to be by his side was hard enough, the doctors say that it’s unlikely he felt breathless however seeing him puffing away like that was incredibly hard to look at and endure. 8 days without any oral intake he went by the time of his passing, it’s incredible how resilient the human body can be. Bare in mind despite 17 years of living with Alzheimer’s he was only 65 at his time of passing.

In the last hour his breathing finally slowed and became shallower, initially I wondered if this was caused by the extra morphine they had given in the syringe driver that afternoon but when I saw he had no pupil-light reflex I knew there wasn’t much longer left to go.

He had my brother and I by his side as he took his last breaths, and a powerful moment that I’ll never forget is the single tear that came from his right eye the very moment before the last breath he would ever take.

Having lived through that experience I can say two things. The first is that it would have been psychologically incredibly difficult to have watched him go through that 24/7 at home. At least with the hospice we left each night and came back in the morning thus getting a mental break. And secondly, my experience with the hospice was incredibly positive and completely different to how you feel trying to chase staff in a typical busy and manic NHS ward.

My biggest worry was around visiting and Covid and we were restricted to 6 named visitors (max 3 at a time) however the staff were flexible as the end drew closer.

I hope he is now resting in a place of happiness, and joy and has found the peace that his illness so cruelly denied him during his time here on earth.
@Ali_EM thankyou for posting such a moving account of your dear father's last time with you. It sounds to have been a much more calm and caring experience for him and all of you from the hospice , I'm very glad you coul have this. Blessings and loving thoughts with you all.
 
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Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,074
0
Midlands
Terribly terribly hard Ali.

Hospice care is wonderful and I am so glad that option was availible to you.

be kind to yourself over the coming days and weeks x You did the very best you could.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
912
0
My sincere condolences on the loss of your father @Ali_EM. Your father is now at rest in peace. It was lovely that you could be by your father's side along with the support of your brother, and I hope that will give you some comfort in the times ahead.
 

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