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Registered User
Jan 6, 2016
Hi My husband has been diagnosed with dementia just recently. I can see quite a change in him although he is functioning well. Its his mind that has changed. He is very argumentative and opinionated and gets very cross very quickly. I try and calm things down and he quickly goes back to 'normal' and forgets how upset I became. He raises his voice and we seem to be for ever arguing. Any tips on how to defuse these situations and keep my sense of worth at the same time. He also watches lots of television and can sit there all afternoon not doing anything at all. Is this normal? I am groping in the dark at the moment as I come to terms with things. We have also had to give up our car as he can't drive anymore and I don't drive. Lots of things to take in at once. Help. xxx


Registered User
May 21, 2014
Have you seen this article on compassionate communication yet? It's really good.

With regards to not doing anything, people with dementia need stimulation but they won't necessarily initiate activities. Try to get him into a lunch club, day centre or Singing for the Brain, and introduce befrienders (ask Age UK). He might really enjoy different activities or going for a walk with someone.


Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
Hello DustyAlfie, welcome to TP. I'm sorry you've needed to find us. All I can say is,within reason, try to agree with your husband or if that is out of the question then try a distraction technique. I found this really hard to do, my instinct was to try to bring my husband back to reality but sadly it's not possible and all that happens is confrontation and agitation.

Giving up driving is a difficult one, my husband had to stop four years ago but he still thinks he has a car, even though he's now in a care home. As for getting him to do things, I agree with Beate, best thing is to try to get him into day care or join one of the Alzheimer's Groups or go along to a memory cafe. xx

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