Dumbfounded

jc141265

Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
836
45
Australia
Here I am 31yrs of age, my 61yr old father in an old folks home with early onset dementia, last stages (whatever that is) and yesterday I get a phone call at work from my husband - there was an emergency...

'Oh my god, Dad' I thought, it must be bad because hubby doesn't ring about simple falls...but then I looked at the message he had left me again and it read 'Can you call me please your mum has flipped out'

'Flipped out' ?? What did he mean by that, had she collapsed in tears over all her stresses living with dad's disease? Had she gotten angry at my husband about something he might have said about the stresses I am under, trying to care for Dad when her interest comes and goes? What did he mean 'flipped out'??

What he meant by 'flipped out' when I rushed to where he and mum were, was that she had lost the plot, my mother was in the grips of what we now know was either what is termed 'transient global amnesia' or 'transient ischemic attack' (the latter being a mini-stroke, the former an unexplained episode of amnesia). And what that meant was that for the next 5 hours my mother could not remember anything that happened to her for longer than about 2 minutes and then for the following 7hours she began to remember some things but still was having troubles, all whilst remaining completely conscious.

What that meant was I had the same conversation with her every 2 minutes for 5 hours, and I mean exactly the same for even if I changed my answers her questions remained the same (lucky I have had some experience talking to people like this before - :rolleyes: :eek: ) As I got her to wait for the ambulance, then at the hospital, she doesn't remember anything about the period from 1030am to 4pm and the remainder of the day to midnight when we checked out of the hospital is sketchy to say the least.

I want to talk about it on here because, I know I should be feeling upset or shocked or something, by it all, despite the fact that she seems fairly ok today and is out of hospital although being monitored. But I'm feeling rather numb, I thought typing on here would help but it isn't, but i will keep going in the hopes that perhaps responses will wake me out of this stupour.

Of course I fear that this is a sign my mother too is heading down dad's path, and although the doctors and anyone who reads this will probably say that these attacks might be due to her own stresses, are shown to not be linked to dementia etc, I'm afraid that her condition yesterday was just too much like dad's fellow inmates behaviours for me to feel comfortable about it. Also now that she has had the attack I am starting to realise I have noticed that she has been a bit whacky for a while now, I thought she was attention seeking or just being an outright liar, now I am wondering if she is losing her grip completely.:confused:

Why me, why us? My husband must wonder what the hell kind of family he married into, why can't we just have something simple (dangerous but straightforward) like a heart attack...why do we have to have brain related stuff happen?? I am so sick of this shhhh...well u know what i mean! I am saying all this, but I am feeling no emotion. Amusingly (although not funny) I know from past experience its going to come, I can't just have this kind of thing happen in my life where I am already stretched to the limit by stress, and have it pass unscathed, I am just sitting here numbly wondering when it is going to hit, when am I going to burst into tears?
 
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Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Nat,
Never a boring moment in your household is there? Our brains are wonderful things, filter out emotion when necessary so that we can do what has to be done. Good that mum seems better today; does that mean that she is going to be staying with you a while? If so, look on the bright side, she will be able to go with you to visit dad, or give you a day off!:rolleyes: What's that, fat chance?
Here's hoping that whatever happened yesterday was transient and never to be repeated. Keep smiling.
Love Amy
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Amy said:
Hiya Nat,
... filter out emotion when necessary so that we can do what has to be done. Love Amy
Hi Nat! I think Amy got that spot on - proves you're human! It's a natural part of being in shock and coping with it (even though you may not feel you're coping with it because you feel you should be crying/screaming whatever). I think it's really good (in an ironic way) that you know too that this phase will pass and whether it is few hours, days, years even for some people you will come out of the 'numbness' and react however you need to., after which some equilibrium will be restored ...

Take care, love Tender Face
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
I wish I could say something uplifting, but when like me you have lived with people around you with mental illness from a young age there is no answer.

my children ask me that
why do we have to have brain related stuff happen??
I look at them & say at lest we do not have cancer or Aids, but in side I fear for them & any future garn children I may have .

I understand where your coming from & what more can I say ,but you may be in one long living delay shock
 
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May

Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
627
Yorkshire
Oh Nat! What a time of it you're having........

I reckon Amy got it right when she said


filter out emotion when necessary so that we can do what has to be done.

Hold on girl,can't say anything except sending hugs to you. Take care
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
Hi Nat,
Just want to say I'm so sorry. This just all is happening to you, too young. I'm 53 and dealing with similar things with my folks but that seems to be the stage of life I'm supposed to be at.
My Mom has AD, my Dad had a TIA a while back. It was scarey and really weird. He has clogged arteries and that was the suspected culprite. He is doing ok now but spent several days in the hospital.
Take care and I certainly hope things improve for you soon.
Debbie
 

Dave W

Registered User
Jul 3, 2005
268
59
Bucks
Hi Nat

I hope things are improving since you posted, and every sympathy. I read this thread the morning after browsing through the Pics thread, and saw your photos in your wedding dress, looking an absolute picture and really radiant. Why not go and have a look at them yourself to remind yourself there are good days among the bad?

Let us all know how things are going for you, won't you? And I hope the numbness is starting to lift: it might lead to tears, but tears can be very therapeutic sometimes. (Had a totally lousy day yesterday and just burst into tears as I got through the door at home; been trying to hold everything in and failing (typical bloody man, eh?) Felt much better for just letting go for a while - and it reminded my other half that I need him and love him too). If you need to vent your feelings, post again - we're all hear to listen.

Have a big tele-hug in the meantime.

Dave
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
browsing through the Pics thread
Well I had to have a look ,( better get to bed )but just had to say what lovely photo Nat ,your so pretty ,can see where you get your looks your dad .
 

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