Dubts... dubts and dubts...

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by SmogTheCat, Sep 8, 2006.

  1. SmogTheCat

    SmogTheCat Registered User

    Sep 1, 2005
    45
    Italy
    Hello again!
    Several weeks since my last post in the forum and lot's of things happend...
    Now Antonietta is always confused. She talk to my mum (her doughter) as they are sisters. She asks to my Mum about "our Mum"...
    In july she started to ask about her Mum. As I read in the forum we told her that her Mum was on Holiday. A day, while she was angry, she asked us: She is in Holiday? Where? In Paradise?" My Mum told "yes" and she said "Is she dead? When? I didn't know" then she stasrted again talking about other things.
    Some days later she asked us info about her Dad and her Mum. We didn't tell her they are dead some years ago.
    Every time we went to visit her, she asks about her parents, in particular about her Mum.
    Today the nurse told us a couple of night ago she spent all night in the living room, sitting on a chair, completely dressed, because she was waiting to go to visit her Mum. She also was very nervous and anxious and nurse have to give her some Tavob but she wasn't able to be quiet. She refused to go to bed.
    Today she asked us to take her to visit her Mum. We told her that Mum wasn't very well and as soon as she'll feel better, she will come to visit Antonietta.
    Now the question is:
    if we take with us a friend with grey hair and it could be seems enough old, could be say "this is your Mum. Today she comes to visit you" or she could say us: this is not my Mum?

    And now an other problem.
    Angelo, my gandfahter and her husband, visited her in June for the last time.
    Now he isn't able to walk and he is in an other nursing home waiting to find a place for together.
    He desires to visit her and we can take him to Antonietta for a visit.
    Last time he visited Antoniette, it seems she recognize him as her father but he was able to walk.
    Now she is on a wheelchair. Do you think she could be scared or hurted about that?
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    It is quite common for AD sufferers to confuse generations. If you, for example. think it's 1950 then you're going to expect to see people younger than they actually are, so daughters become sisters etc. That's why she thought her husband was her father. Whether he is able to walk or not is probably immaterial - if you're lucky she'll at least think he's a member of her family, if you're not he will seem to be a stranger. It really depends on whether he wants to go or not, and whether he is emotionally able to deal with it.

    I think it would be a very bad idea to get a substitute "mother" to visit her. The constant request of "where is my mother" and "I want to go home" seem to be more of a cry for a time and place where they felt secure than an actual desire to see someone or go somewhere.

    Jennifer
     
  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I agree with Jenifer that it would be a bad idea to pretend that someone is her mother. I know that you would be doing it with the best of intentions but if she doesn't believe you then you might find it difficult to ever get her to believe anything you say again!
     
  4. SmogTheCat

    SmogTheCat Registered User

    Sep 1, 2005
    45
    Italy
    Thanks a lot for allo your suggestion.
    So, when she asks about her Mum is like when she asks to go home! Now I'm a bit more relaxed.
    I an not used to some kind of question and when she asks something strange my Mum and I are "scared".

    Talking about Angelo, he is suffering a lot for staying "alone", not with his wife. He desider to meet her. He knows about her disease. Everytime we visit hime (twice a week) we tell him about her and he is "updated" about her situation. News week we are thinking to ask to Angelo doctor about about the situation because we think he is a bit depressed and he is loosing the desire of living.

    What about the idea of found a nursing home for both?
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Actually, it's not at all unusual for a married couple to be in the same nursing home. Often they will be in separate rooms, because the care needs of one might be different from that of the other. In your case, your grandmother would need much more security to stop her wandering off, while your grandfather's need is for assistance with his limited mobility. Since she may well not recognise him as her husband (there are a number of threads on the board about mothers thinking there is a strange man in their house, when it's their husband of many years) it's probably just as well if they are in separate rooms.

    It is scary when your loved one asks for the impossible - about all you can do is prevaricate (i.e. lie) if a truthful answer causes distress. For a start, they're not going to remember what you said anyway, truthful or not. On the other hand, informing an AD sufferer that somone is dead does not always have a distresssing effect - it's as if they have no ability to process such information, even if it's the first time they've heard it (and there are a lot of threads about that as well).

    Jennifer
     

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