Driving with Altzheimers

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by nellieb, Apr 3, 2011.

  1. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,408
    Male
    Cornwall
    Hi nellieb re: your dad car insurance I think your dad should look at changing his insurance company asp, I have dementia with insurance on 2 vehicles both insured in my name lees than £200 fully comp, my daughter last week bought a new car and put me on her insurance as a named driver, we rang the insurance agent to remind him him of my dementia the agent rang daughters insurance company they wrote Alzheimer's on the policy NO EXTRA CHARGE

    Tony
     
  2. susiewoo

    susiewoo Registered User

    Oct 28, 2006
    82
    Bromley Kent
    I was concerned about Dad driving and we moved the car up the road so out of his eyeline. He didn't go near it for 2 months. I then worked out cost of keeping car just sitting in road and my brother went along with needing a car asap and Dad agreed to give it up.Luckily he had bus pass and was keen to make the most of this.
    I was not happy to be in car with dad and was frankly terrified but Dads generation was the lead driver and making him give this up was like a betrayal of his standing in the family. Although I drive myself whenever we go as a couple my husband drives and I cannot imagine stopping him...hopefully will never have to!
     
  3. Tubbsy

    Tubbsy Registered User

    Sep 5, 2010
    108
    Surrey
    Desperate

    I'm so glad to have seen this thread as my brother and I are wondering how on earth to stop my mother driving. We have spoken to her GP and are going to again but not sure if he can really help. She absolutely shouldn't be driving. She gets lost going to familiar places and has even damaged her car on one such journey to the extent where it had to go in for repair but we have no idea what she did and neither does she. She has always been an impossible woman and we have tried to say she shouldn't drive but short of stealing her car, we just don't know what to do.
     
  4. chucky

    chucky Registered User

    Feb 17, 2011
    968
    UK
    Hi, if i were you thats just what i would do, steal the car. I did this with my dad, i told him the car was stolen and that we didnt have enough money to buy a new one. He grunbled about it for a few days then stopped. He never drove again. In view of the fact your mum has had an accident, and worse still cant remember it, its clear she should not be on the road. She will probably kick up a fuss, but its better to let her rant than to find out shes knocked down and injured or even worse killed someone. If your GP doesnt back this up, i would write to the DVLA and tell them, maybe a letter from them might make her realise that its not negotiable. There will be some people here that will argue the case, not all dementia sufferers need to stop driving, but in your mums case i think its imperative to get her off the road asap. Its not only the risk to others, her safety is paramount too, she could do herself real damage if she drove into a wall or lampost or some other object. Giving up driving is a big thing to someone whos driven all their days, but sadly its one of the first things that should be a priority. I hope you find a way to persuade her its time to hang up her keys.
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    I'm with Chucky. You could also, if you didn't feel that she could arrange to make the necessary repairs, disable the car in another way, such removing a primary fuse.

    The one problem with "stealing" the car is that she could quite possibly be able to call the police to report the theft. Making it so that the car can't start just makes it so that the car can't start. Of course, at that point you could offer to take it to a garage and then not bring it back. It is hard if it is simply standing there, while if out of sight isn't out of mind, it's a lot closer.
     
  6. Tubbsy

    Tubbsy Registered User

    Sep 5, 2010
    108
    Surrey
    Unfortunately she has plenty enough money to buy a new car and is in fact talking about doing just that anyway. I am only too aware of the damage she could cause by continuing to drive but she is a selfish woman and thinks only of herself, not of anyone she might injure or worse. I think I'll have to see what the GP says this time as it will be the 3rd time we have told him of our concerns.
     
  7. Bookworm

    Bookworm Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,581
    Co. Derry
    Thanks

    I too am interested to see this thread (will tick to get email when there is a new post) - with the (I think) annual licence renewal a scare story (about outcomes of accident without the officials being told) I told to my husband has made him confess that he has a memory problem that he has not told them of before and that has worsened in the last year. Progress - too slowly, but progress. I think this will result in a test which he will probably pass this year.

    I was so amazed by the boxes he ticked on the form about this that I copied the form before it was sent. (Links to - "Does he know he has dementia?" thread)
     
  8. chucky

    chucky Registered User

    Feb 17, 2011
    968
    UK
    Hi, it sounds like she wont listen to the doc anyway. If it was me im afraid i would call in the strong arm of the law and ask them to have a word. If she is unfit to drive, then she should not be on the road plain and simple. The most worrying part of this is the fact that she CANNOT REMEMBER having an accident. It looks like you have a fight on your hands right enough, heres hoping someone can get through to her before something serious happens.
     
  9. nellieb

    nellieb Registered User

    Apr 3, 2011
    17
    Hertfordshire
    Driving with Alzheimers update

    Well we have received the notification and the DVLA have revoked his licence. So the nightmare begins.... On receipt my dad would not speak to mum for two days and totally blames her for the letter from the DVLA. He even told me that she is not the woman he married and wants to divorce her - they have been married for 62 years! He drove the car on Saturday to the shops and when mum was upset he got angry with her. He cannot understand that although he is physically fit he is not mentally fit enough to drive. Yes he can drive but he has trouble taking in the information on signs etc which is an important skill needed for driving. Today he goes to his club; no-one knows where it is or has any address for it. Dad doesn't know the address but he can drive there. So what happened this morning? Dad took the car again. Mum sounds resigned to it. Logic tells me we should just take the car away but actually doing it is something else. My fear is his reaction to my mum and she is on a knife edge at the moment. What can I do? Any suggestions will be gratefully received.
    :(
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    He is now driving without a license and thus without insurance? You have to take action - if he hurts someone or something your parents could be wiped out financially.

    You have to either take the car away or disable it. There isn't another option: he must stop driving.

    This is a tough call, but if he refuses to comply, I'd seriously think about informing the police - maybe a visit from the boys in blue would shock him sufficiently. Might not of course - the first and best option is to take away the temptation.
     
  11. JPG1

    JPG1 Account Closed

    Jul 16, 2008
    3,396
    Gosh, it's almost as if some people have the ability to modify their posts without leaving a trace of that modifying! :eek:

    I was about to suggest that there is another option available to you.

    You have another route to try, nellieb, and that route is via your local friendly Community Police Officers - that system is most likely to be in situ where you live. Far less intimidating than a shocking visit via the official Police Officers, and far more user-friendly. Also, it will remove from family the onus and the ongoing responsibility for having been the prime movers in the removing of a vehicle.

    So I disagree with Jennifer :eek::eek::eek:- try your local Community Police bods first.
     
  12. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    #32 jenniferpa, Jul 4, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2011
    If you mean me, anyone, provided they edit their post within 5 minutes(?) will produce a post with no "edited by" indicator.

    Edited by Jennifer

    As you can see in this example.

    Next time, do feel free to ask if you don't understand what has happened JPG1. I assume your intent was to imply without actually saying it that moderators have special privileges. We do, of course, because of the need to moderate, but this isn't one of them.

    P.S. The time frame would appear to be closer to 2 or 3 minutes.
     
  13. grove

    grove Registered User

    Aug 24, 2010
    7,724
    North Yorkshire
    Hello Nellie b , What a :(:( mess for you all ! ! , not good for you , your Dad & Mum ! Must be a night mare :eek: for you & your Mum !

    Sorry no real advice as such only agree with Jeniferpa / Either


    * Take the Car Away / Fiddle under the Bonnet to Disable it ! ! ( That is what a T P Family did to their Dads Car ! !/ on my Thread similar to yours )

    * Ask the Police for help ( Last Resort )

    Gess am grateful Dad " Co operated " when the Dreaded Letter " from DVLA Came through the Letter Box to take his Licence away , had we had the problems you are having am not sure how Mum would have coped ! He is quite :) to let Mum Drive him around !

    Just a thought could you not get some one to help " With Dad " on Foot / Bus then when its all "Clear " you could " Get Rid of the Car some how " ? Sorry bit silly idea please IGNORE Me !

    Postive Vibes that its all sorted soon

    Take Care

    Love Grove x x
     
  14. JPG1

    JPG1 Account Closed

    Jul 16, 2008
    3,396
    #34 JPG1, Jul 4, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2011



    :eek: :eek: :eek: As if I would dare not do so Jenniferpa.

    It still doesn't help someone who is replying to a post posted by a venerable moderator who perhaps understands the workings far more than others might. Because an ignorant TPer will post something that might seem inappropriate, and will then run the risk of being ridiculed by a knowing-all moderator.

    It happens sometimes.

    No, I was totally unaware of the 5 minute limit. And that may explain a lot.
     
  15. Countryboy

    Countryboy Registered User

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,408
    Male
    Cornwall
    { Originally Posted by nellieb} My mum has also told the insurance company which unfortunately also incurred an additional £100 per month on each installment.

    I suggest you change your insurance company because they are ripping you off
    I was diagnosed almost 12 years ago with Alzheimer’s and after 2 MRI scans have definite diagnoses of F.L.D I still drive and never had a problem with car insurance here in UK or Spain when on holiday, my daughter recently bought a New car I was added to her insurance police No extra charge because of my dementia.

    Tony
     
  16. Sox

    Sox Registered User

    Mar 12, 2011
    325
    Hello - I have a friend in a similar situation to you (her husband would not accept that he could not drive despite being banned by the DVLA) she went to a local garage and they somehow disabled the car so that her husband cannot drive it. He has a key that will open the door but not work in the ignition and that seems to have appeased him for now. Fortunately she drives so that helps. Unfortunately I do feel you need to be firm with your Dad before there is a serious incident - if he is anything like my husband he will eventually forget about it. Good luck. Sox
     
  17. concerned1947

    concerned1947 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2011
    64
    Driving

    This has also been a NIGHTMARE for me as my hsb was diagnosed three years ago, then aged 64. He was told that DVLA had to be informed and he reluctantly did this after alot of agro. His consultant suggested that he take an assessment which he did so at the same time as notifying the DVLA. He has kept his licence on an annual basis for the past three years and at this time is waiting for DVLA's decision, having taken a third driving assessment. On the surface it appears that he was ok in the driving assessment, a tick box, but I could see a deterioration from the previous year. However the assessors comments could be interpreted as a concern as 'seeking direction' was included. He has certainly deteriorated during in the past year in his self and I am hoping that the DVLA refuse to renew the licence as it will prevent a difficult situation for me. His consultant recently told him that the assessor had reported a deterioration last year but not bad enough to prevent him form him driving. I think she said this to warn us that DVLA may not renew this year. My hsb did not pick this up. We also have a towing caravan and I arranged to go on a caravan manouvering course to give me more confidence at towing, I already have had alot of experience of hitching it to his car. I had to cancel the course as my hsb refused to let me use his car. My car is too small to tow. He is a very controlling man and when I have tried to talk to him about driving and how we could still do things if he loses his licence he says that 'I will be dead when that happens'. I am on edge and looking for the brown envelope every morning from the DVLA and considering pre warning the CPN.
     
  18. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,429
    Concerned 1947 - I'm not saying this is the toughest aspect of dementia, because there are a hell of a lot of tough issues when it comes to dementia, but this does seem to be right up there. You and your husband have my sympathy. When that brown envelope comes, as it inevitably will, this year or next, it's going to be very hard for both of you. I do think it's worthwhile telling anyone who you might need support from of your concerns. And, depending on how violently your husband might react, you might want to have some plan of action re leaving the house. Sorry if that sounds overly dramatic but this is one of those issues that can really stir things up.

    One thing you could do at this time is work out what you are going to do with the cars. You say yours is too small to pull the caravan (and I'm full of admiration that you have got yourself trained to do this). I do think if at all possible, getting rid of the bigger car and trading your smaller car for something that is larger is perhaps the only way he will come to terms with not driving the larger car. Of course, this is going to cost money, and it may not be something you can afford, so my apologies if this suggestion is out of line.
     
  19. concerned1947

    concerned1947 Registered User

    Feb 14, 2011
    64
    Thankyou Jennifer. I have already given some thought to what to do with both cars and would like to sell both and get a car, smaller than my husbands but still large enough to tow. Today I managed to sort out another problem as my husband was refusing to let the insurers know about his health. When attending the alzheimers soc cafe today I asked someone from the Alzheimers Soc to talk to us about the need to inform the insurance company. They did this in such a nice way that he agreed to let the insurance company know. I made the call on his behalf and there is no problem so long as DVLA know and have allowed him to have his licence. So for the time being I feel happier knowing he is insured. Last night I lay awake thinking that I would have to experience his agression if I had to refuse to get in the car with him.
    Yes when that brown envelope arrives I am prepared and if needed will get out.
    I do realise that life is going to get alot tougher but try to make the best of the present.
     
  20. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I am absolutely amazed by the posts on this thread. Nearly 3 years ago, I accompanied my husband to the GP where he explained to the doctor that he was having trouble remembering things and couldn't always find the right words. There was a suggestion of the cause being depression, followed by a visit by the MH nurse and, I assume, the conclusion that was not the cause as we heard no more.

    At a later appointment re. a hip replacement, my husband demonstrated that his ability to use words correctly was confused. Within a week we had a letter from the DVLA asking him to return his driving licence by a certain date as they had heard from his GP that he was suffering from mental confusion. My husband was very upset, so mush so that he put his licence in an envelope and drove to the post box to post it immediately. Returning, he said that's that, no more driving .

    I did visit the GP and said that I thought the timing could have been better as the licence had only just been returned after being re-issued after my husband's 70th birthday. He said that if someone had been hurt or, worse, killed, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself. I have to say, neither would my husband.
     

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