Driving licence

[Rach1985]

My Dad is 73 and lives with me. He is in middle stages of Alzheimer’s
He hasn’t drove in over 6 months due to lockdown and he has just received a letter from the DVLA saying his driving licence is under review and that they have wrote to his GP. My mum has spoke to the GP and it’s best he no longer drives. However my Dad isn’t aware of this and so I know it sounds deceitful but it’s best for him and all other road users. He ran a red light before lockdown, no longer knows left and right. He knows the doctor is looking into it and he is very anxious, he keeps reading the dvla letter over and over. He keeps looking out for the post man every day to see if they’ve wrote him about his licence.

His main concern is he is a lorry driver and how will he earn wages if he can’t drive. He is retired and no matter how much we tell him he obviously forgets. I’ve tried saying it’s his day off. Tried saying he is on holiday. Tried saying with him being over 70 and lockdown he doesn’t need to work but nothing will stop this anxiety

I’m dreading the day the letter comes saying he has lost his licence.
Any tips on how any of you dealt with this?

I know in time he will forget, like he has forgotten he hasn’t actually drove for 6 months. But any thoughts on how to deal with the initial fall out? Or is it a case of just letting it pass in time?

thank you

 

[MartinWL]

I have been here and have the t-shirt. Unfortunately there is no easy way. It sounds as if your father will lose his licence and that he is at a much later stage than mine was so you may be able to spin him a story or just distract him. Make sure he doesn't have access to a car. The hope is that he will get used to it. It might help to do some general housekeeping that happens to result in letters being filed away for future reference, so he doesn't keep reading them. I put all the paperwork in a car file that he could access if he wanted to but probably won't because it is not under his nose.

 

[Thethirdmrsc]

Same sorry, and my OH automatically was told his HGV license was no longer valid when he was diagnosed 4 yrs ago. His driving license was revoked last November and I sold both our cars, including his beloved jag, within the month, and this year sold our Motorhome. I have no easy words for you, sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all to him. A year on, mine has accepted it, but is still bitter.

 

[jennifer1967]

my husband was also a lorry driver and basically its in his blood always enjoyed driving and still interested. his lorry licence was dropped last time he applied for his licence. he is due to reapply next year. we dont have a car although he is always talking about getting another one which ive said cant afford it. i suggested his reactions might be a bit slow so he says he just wants it to use as ID. which ive agreed. he has had vascular dementia for 18months and i have been drip feeding little by little so it looks like hes making his own mind up and its his own decision

 

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[Rach1985]

thank you for all the replies

Yes it is just frustrating as he hasn’t even been driving, doesn’t have access to a car but now he has had this letter there’s nothing else he will think about
I’ve tried the usual distractions tv, raking leaves, looking at photos and immediately when he’s finished he’s back onto his driving licence
I made the mistake of mentioning his pension so that got him getting the DWP letters out and him questioning why he doesn’t get paid

By the sounds of it from all of your responses it is just a case of riding it out, knowing one day he will forget

it’s just frustrating all around as he keeps going over it and we are getting frustrated because he won’t move past it and we know it’s going to get worse when he officially loses the licence!!

 

[jennifer1967]

is it worth moving the letters for a time when hes elsewhere and said youve mislaid them or other excuse so he is not so fixed on them?

 

[TNJJ]

thank you for all the replies

Yes it is just frustrating as he hasn’t even been driving, doesn’t have access to a car but now he has had this letter there’s nothing else he will think about
I’ve tried the usual distractions tv, raking leaves, looking at photos and immediately when he’s finished he’s back onto his driving licence
I made the mistake of mentioning his pension so that got him getting the DWP letters out and him questioning why he doesn’t get paid

By the sounds of it from all of your responses it is just a case of riding it out, knowing one day he will forget

it’s just frustrating all around as he keeps going over it and we are getting frustrated because he won’t move past it and we know it’s going to get worse when he officially loses the licence!!

I had the same with dad. It drove me to distraction.So I can feel your pain. It will pass...eventually..Hold on to that thought..

 

[Duggies-girl]

Blame everyone else, the DVLA ,the government, covid, anyone or anything you can think of.

Commiserate with him and say yes it is unfair and that you will write and complain and eventually it will become unimportant. Hard but gets you off the hook and makes life easier.

 

[Rach1985]

Thank you again for replies

I’ve finally got the letters off him this afternoon after he went through them again. He just keeps looking at them and nodding his head.

I agree about blaming everyone and knowing it will go away in time

it’s amazing how he can’t remember certain things but this he just cannot forget. I suppose it’s because it’s the only thing in his mind and so now he is fixated on it

 

[MartinWL]

Thank you again for replies

I’ve finally got the letters off him this afternoon after he went through them again. He just keeps looking at them and nodding his head.

I agree about blaming everyone and knowing it will go away in time

it’s amazing how he can’t remember certain things but this he just cannot forget. I suppose it’s because it’s the only thing in his mind and so now he is fixated on it

I had this too, lots forgotten but not the driving issue. It is as if the really important gets remembered in a different way. However my dad can't remember the sequence of events leading up to revokation of licence. ( Confabulation is a splendid word, do try and bring it into your conversations!). He also muddled some facts, invents others and remembers things that support his case. His memories are of people who think he is fine to drive, but actually those people didn't say that at all. Hopefully time will lessen the angst.

 

[canary]

I think taking the letters away is a good idea. All the while he is constantly looking at the letter it is constantly refreshing the issue in his mind. Its as if he can sort of remember that there is something important in it, but cant quite remember what. Hopefully, now the letter isnt going to be there he will start to forget. If he asks you about it, then I think love lies are the way to go.