Hi mum is 83 with alzeimers but highly independent and lives in a village on her own. She will be told today about that the doctor feels it would be better if she didn't drive any more. She will be devastated and very angry. I don't know how to handle her. I will be going to stay with her for 2 weeks on Saturday to help her settle back in after living with my sister for some weeks during lockdown. She is looking forward to going back to 'normality' which includes daily trips in her car! She will forget about the ban each day and will be so distressed every day. We have a carer starting shortly who will pop in for an hour each day but she's 80 miles away from both me and my sister. I'm so worried about her and can't stop crying. She is such an amazing woman and mum. She has no clue she is living with alzeimers and i just don't know what to do. My sister is not good with emotional stuff so I can't talk to her.
Driving licence revoked
- Thread starter StefMB
- Start date
A belated welcome to the forum, @StefMB . That will be so hard for you and for your mum,. The compassionate communication thread at https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/ should give you some inspiration to help with your mum 's inability to understand her diagnosis and loss of her car.
You will find the emotional support here when you are struggling. We know what you are going through and can always offer a listening ear.
You will find the emotional support here when you are struggling. We know what you are going through and can always offer a listening ear.
@StefMB this is a tough one. I would stress that the doctor (not you) said she should stop driving - this may deflect the "blame " a bit. If she is unable to remember that she shouldn't drive, others on the forum have removed keys and cars from the drive to stop driving. This sounds extreme, but may be necessary for everyone's safety. If she isn't yet back at home, may be better to remove the car before she gets there?
Firstly, you must feel very relieved that your mum won't be driving anymore and that in itself is one less cause for concern.
Losing a driving licence is as you realize more about the loss of independence rather than the driving in itself and can be quite a devestating experience. You will constantly remind your mum that it was the doctor and not you who stopped her driving and not you. You may have to find a way to prevent her from driving either by losing the keys or disabling the car in some way.
If your mum has good neighbors or friends who could take your mum out for an outing, that might be a help but as you live some distance away, the next few weeks could be quite trying for you I assume that would be allowed now.
Losing a driving licence is as you realize more about the loss of independence rather than the driving in itself and can be quite a devestating experience. You will constantly remind your mum that it was the doctor and not you who stopped her driving and not you. You may have to find a way to prevent her from driving either by losing the keys or disabling the car in some way.
If your mum has good neighbors or friends who could take your mum out for an outing, that might be a help but as you live some distance away, the next few weeks could be quite trying for you I assume that would be allowed now.
I agree with the other replies. Also, could you find some local numbers for taxis so your mum has those to hand?
You can also point out she is no longer insured to drive because the doctor has said she must not. (And if emotional blackmail will work, how she'd feel if she had an accident and hurt someone.)
You can also point out she is no longer insured to drive because the doctor has said she must not. (And if emotional blackmail will work, how she'd feel if she had an accident and hurt someone.)
hi @StefMB
a tricky situation for you
I do agree about shifting the 'blame' .... though I do worry a bit about saying the doctor is the one who had her banned, just in case this builds a resistance to doctors ... maybe say it's the DVLA and either because of her age or that you simply don't know who might have contacted them or something she may accept ... if she won't accept, tell her she can arrange a test and then leave her to do it, even if she manages to, she's probably unlikely to pass, if she does then she she's proved she's 'safe'
a tricky situation for you
I do agree about shifting the 'blame' .... though I do worry a bit about saying the doctor is the one who had her banned, just in case this builds a resistance to doctors ... maybe say it's the DVLA and either because of her age or that you simply don't know who might have contacted them or something she may accept ... if she won't accept, tell her she can arrange a test and then leave her to do it, even if she manages to, she's probably unlikely to pass, if she does then she she's proved she's 'safe'
